Confessions of a Tween's Mom

My sweet Em

Emily tried out for the volleyball team for middle school last week.  I was super oober proud of her - I never did anything like that when I was her age.  She was brave!  She really hasn't played, but learned in gym class, then some open gyms at the middle school this summer and a summer camp at a local place.  She actually got pretty good quickly - got the over-head serve pretty good.  She didn't make it though :(  She handled it well - we prayed that it would be God's will if she made the team and if not He has something else in mind for her.

I, however, had a hard time with it!  It really hurt!  I really am struggling with wanting to 'prepare' her (actually control the situation - hm...never been a problem for me) for middle school so she doesn't have to go through some of the same hurts I went through!  Evidently one of the things I thought would make her sixth grade experience 'all that' was being on a school team. All my junior high insecurities are showing up with a vengeance.  I'm buying her shoes she hasn't even discovered yet so that she has what everyone else has and polling all moms on the time frame of when is actually the correct time to start shaving legs. I've spent how many years telling her to be herself and now this?  What am I doing?!  I need to back off and just pray!!  And be there for her when she does have problems...  But, does it really hurt to just ask her if she might want to check her braces for food or brush her hair before going out the door?  Just sayin'!

As parents, we want the best for our kids and we want to try to make things as easy as possible on them. We even want them to do things better than we did at their age.  But, we have to remember how we learned to do things better - we failed, we got hurt and we figured out solutions.  And as much as we want the best for our kids...God wants the best for them even more so. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Thank goodness God doesn't give us everything we ask for.  He protects us from harm by closing some of these doors that we think would be best for our kids!

I think about how much I've messed up in my own life by trying to control things instead of letting God give me His best for me...I definitely shouldn't be trying to control other people's lives too.  I acknowledge that my children are 'fearfully and wonderfully made,' in His image.  They are precious and are His!  Releasing them over to Him, the world and themselves to make the decisions that they need to make in order to be formed into the adults that God wants them to be...this is a hard 'letting go' stage in a parent's life and one I imagine will be ongoing for a good few years in this house.

It's starting to get harder - the parenting thing!  My confused daughter told me the other night, "I don't know why I'm acting like this!"  Oh honey - I know!!  If only it got better after 11!  I still don't know why I'm acting like this!

Timeless Advice

SOLD and CLOSED!

I just read our pastor's blog a bit ago and enjoyed reading a few scriptures he referenced from Deuteronomy about Moses instructing the people of Israel before they entered the promised land.  I became curious at what all Moses instructed them on, so I looked it up.  

I've compared several aspects of our journey over the past 19 months to what the Israelites experienced - constant/perfect provision from God, grumbling/complaining attitude, the need to remember what God has done for us...  So, I thought it'd be good for me to read up on what God wanted Moses to tell the Israelites after they were finally getting what they had sought after for so long.  He had quite a bit to instruct them on, but a few things stood out to me as timeless advice for us.

• Praise Him and give Him thanks!  When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Deuteronomy 8:10
• Don't forget Who got us here - Who worked it out for us.  Remember!!  Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day.  Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.  He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions.  He brought you water out of hard rock.  He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you.  You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me."  But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. Deuteronomy 8:11-18
• Worship the Lord, obey Him, love Him and serve Him.  And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?  Deuteronomy 10:12-13
• Guard against worshiping other gods - like money, relationships, things, hobbies, etc.  Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. Deuteronomy 11:16
• Intentionally and regularly place the word of God in our hearts and minds and in our kids' hearts and minds.  Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-20

There's really nothing about these instructions that screams 'You-just-got-what-you-wanted-and-God-has-answered-your-prayers - you-had-better-be-on-guard!'  I wouldn't guess that we'd need to be especially on guard, but the Israelites sure were warned about a lot.  We need to take care to continue to cling to God like we have during our journey.  I can see a big exhale coming.  Relaxing...  slacking...  But we can not slack on our relationship with God...ever.  When I relax and am not diligent about guarding my heart and my mind, the devil can get in quietly and damage is done.   

In the past month while starting to relax some and waiting for our closing we have already been attacked in several ways.  We forgot His faithfulness - we started worrying.  But He quickly taught us the importance of revisiting and remembering His loving care for us.  I allowed a 'vacation' to begin once an offer was made on the house - it was unintentional, but it happened.  My reliance on Him relaxed and I wasn't diligent in my time with Him.  Slowly and quietly my mind was eaten up with lies and untruths about almost every area of my life.  Satan said, "Look here, she is relaxing, she is taking a break, and I know where I can get to her and make her ineffective for Christ.'  I was so thankful that last weekend God brought me to familiar scriptures through friends and books that He wanted me to camp on:  Philippians 4:6-9 says, 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -- put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.'

So, yes, this season is ending.  Finally.  Another begins though and we will always have struggles.  Circumstances shouldn't dictate our happiness.  Our faith in God will give us joy if we allow it to.  It has been hard, but God has taught us so much while shaping us into people who reflect Him a bit more clearly.  He has sustained us. God has done great things for us and we will sing for joy!  

Level Complete, Keep Playing!

A few video games have been played in our house this Christmas vacation.  I can hear the kids playing now - or at least the bickering anyway.  Jeff has been trying to complete one over the break, too - even having to listen to some tutorials online about how to get through certain parts.

I'm about the furthest thing from a 'gamer,' but here are a few things I've observed about video games:

• The games are challenging.  If Mario could take a leisurely stroll right up to the Princess without jumping over barrels or worrying about Donkey Kong, what would the point be?  If you could see the end and walk right to it with no bumps along the way - it would probably be considered a pretty lame game.  Would you improve your 'gaming' skills at all?

• Some games are easier if you have someone else to partner up with to help you through, give you hints or cheats, or work together to complete something. (As I hear Emily instructing Evan what to do as they try again.)

• Most games have complex levels/worlds/tasks to complete within the big game.  Once you have completed one, you go on to the next and you don't go back to the one before.

• There is an end, a prize, to all of them.  Whether it is a fun little song or your character dancing around, there is a sense of accomplishment when you have completed all the tasks, mastered all of the side-stories, and defeated all the enemies.

Looking back over this past year, we can probably identify several tasks and side-stories we had to complete and enemies we had to fend off.  We've been given second chances, or new lives, or forgiveness over and over. Other players have come along side us to help us through a hard spot so we didn't get hit in the knees by a rolling barrel or fall off the road into the dark.  We've helped other players, too, realizing that we are all playing together on the same team and for the same attainable prize. We've stumbled, we have fallen, we've made bad decisions, we have done the opposite of what we are supposed to do - and can't explain why.  We have learned something new each time we tried which will make it easier the next time. We have consulted the Writer of the game to see what He suggested we do - and feel privileged that the Creator of the game cares about how we play it.  It's best played if we don't look back to completed tasks, knowing that we can not change what has already been played and it will only distract us from our current performance.  Occasionally we've looked up and have seen the goal and it became downright overwhelming and we wondered if we will ever get there.  We've wondered if we should even continue!  Putting one foot in front of the other, picking up coin after coin monotonously became tiring at times.  Trying to figure out what the next step was has been painful.  We have been reminded that, as chosen players, we have a unique advantage - some 'cheats/help' which are already inside of us - in the form of our Helper.  As we've pressed through in level 2012, we have made improvements in ourselves, our abilities, our wisdom, and our skills. We have gotten one step closer to the prize and more like the One who wrote the game.  Our prize isn't just flashing lights and fun music - although I'm sure there will be a Light and music like none other!  Our prize is the ultimate Prize. And to hear the Writer say, "well played!" will be amazing!

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

Safely Tucked in the Middle

When I was in high school I went with a group of friends to one of the haunted houses in downtown Evansville.  The one with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre weirdo chasing all of the screaming teens out of the building with his very real looking blood-dripping chainsaw.  I broke my tailbone while inside.  Yup, sure did, but no - I can not tell you what happened.  No clue.  It took talent I'm sure.  I never was a huge fan of paying money to go into a place that scared the pants off of you, but unfortunately that is what you did in high school in October.  If you've ever had the pleasure to do this too, then you understand that being in the middle of your group is where you want to be.  You don't want to go first and you don't want to go last.  And you certainly don't want to be alone.  Being safely tucked in the middle shelters you from most of the grabbing limbs and the sudden scares.  Eek...I get a jumpy feeling just thinking about it!!  

Getting Off the Plane...and Confirmations

This past week Jeff and I remembered that we are parents.  Ok, yeah, that sounds very odd.  I guess we didn't forget we were parents - for heaven's sake we have been making meals, driving them to and from places, helping with homework, and correcting behaviors.  How could we forget?  Ok, we didn't exactly forget - we never left them anywhere or forgot to get them up for school or be home when the bus came.  Just forgot the huge responsibility of the job God has given us.  We have been trying to survive over the past six months as we work through weird, unfamiliar, scary, and overwhelming feelings that we never knew we'd be dealing with.  Jeff and I have been selfish and a lot of times very unavailable as we run off to be alone and lick our wounds - dealing the best we can.  As we've dealt with the changes in our lives, it has consumed us at times.  And our kids have not gotten our best from us.   And so, we are back on track, remembering that we are the only family the kids have right here.  Being available and approachable and attentive is a must.  As Jeff put it...we've been in 'maintenance mode' and not 'nurture mode' for awhile.  I was thinking about how while we were living at Tony & Sue's and waiting for our house to be done I compared our situation to a "holding pattern" that a plane has before it lands.   In regards to parenting, I think we forgot to get off the plane and continued on auto-pilot.  Good news though!  The plane landed safely, after a few tears we are off the plane, rejuvenated, and invested. And our God is forgiving...and so are our kids.

Today we went to church, then to our Life Group, then back to church for the 101 class that tells what Southbrook Church is all about - what their beliefs are, etc.  Enjoyed it all. We will be continuing on in these classes at church to get plugged in. Meeting such great people through the church who have come from all over the country.  I am finalizing plans on leading a women's Bible study through Southbrook in our home on Monday mornings beginning in March.  We're going to tackle a book, Discovering God's Will for Your Life, and will be done in time for the kids to get out of school for the summer.  I'm looking forward to building some strong relationships through this and learning His word together!  I can't wait to connect a bunch of women that need connecting!  Me included!

So...confirmation when you make a decision is awesome, right?  Someone to say 'look here, you did the right thing, see?'  Our decision to move here was not really our decision I don't feel.  I was certain before we left Indiana that God was directing us/leading us to this opportunity in North Carolina.  Well, this past week confirmation of a big kind come when Jeff's old team at work was unfortunately given their notices...   Jeff and I couldn't help but be in awe of how God picked us up out of one spot and moved us to another - saving us from a bad situation!  He obviously knew all of this beforehand.  We obviously didn't - or it would have been a lot easier to leave and a lot easier to explain to everyone why we were leaving everyone and everything we knew!  Faith is everything...  And we have every reason to praise Him for His lovingkindness and protection!!!!