Rich or Poor, God I Want You More

I absolutely love it when God speaks to me through every sermon, lesson, song, scripture, cute facebook captioned picture, and so on -- all having the same message!  He knows it takes that much for me to slow down, quiet down and see what He's trying to tell me.  I'm so thankful, however, that He doesn't give up on me, because what He's telling me right now is not something new... He's told me this same thing over and over.  I often wonder why Jeff and I have to tell our kids every single day to hang up their towels and put their dirty clothes in the hamper, but other things we tell them once and they remember, obey and do it??  But, we don't disown them or give up on them because of it...although at times it irritates me to no end.  God doesn't give up on me even though He's having to remind me of the same things yet again.

My women's bible study group is doing Beth Moore's study on Daniel right now.  I've learned a lot about Babylonia and how it was a me-centered society with a lot of glitz and glitter and must-haves.  Sounds a lot like today, huh?  Yup.  One of the last times my parents visited us they said something that included 'you guys live in a very rich area.'  Just stating a fact in a passing statement.  But, I honestly hadn't looked at it that way.  Now, I'm not saying this to brag so stick with me!  I wondered at times since we've been here how we exactly 'fit in' in this area - we aren't rich!  (With money anyway)  As I look back I know I've always struggled with jealousy...it always has looked better 'over there.'  And, now I'm saturated in it.  As I drive to the store I pass house after house that I would have considered mansions a few years ago.  I look at their perfect manicured lawn and pine needle garden, all brick home and sigh.  I walk into the grocery and notice her name brand clothes and purse.  I hear about the private lessons this son or daughter is taking and the third vacation of the year at the beach house.  I try in my own strength to be okay with that and accepting of the place we are in.  Because oh my goodness, how we are blessed!!!  We are SO blessed.  The truth is, there will always be someone who has more.  But to be perfectly content...it takes more than my own strength.  It takes the Spirit's - He's inside me and He is my Helper and wants me to rise above any circumstance I'm in - taking my eyes off of my surroundings and keeping them focused on the One who blesses.  

In the book, "Let. It. Go.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith" by Karen Ehman, which I just read for our book group, Karen says this:   "No two ways about it.  True godly contentment is unavailable in microwave form; it needs to be patiently and purposefully cultivated.  We must cease making comparisons and instead embrace our current lot in life - our past, present, and future - welcoming all that God will teach us through it.  Only then we will discover the secret Paul knew -- that true contentment isn't merely having what we want; it's wanting nothing more than what we already have."

Last night a friend from cold snowy Michigan posted this on facebook: 

Sitting on the beach, enjoying it all. Thinking "Gosh, if only we lived here."
Chatting with a local who visited an area of snow. She said "my poor children. I feel like they are missing out on life."
Reality is....we must choose to be happy wherever we are. Or the grass will always seem greener ( or the snow. Or the sand....)

There's some wisdom there, huh?

Today my devotion was centered on the parables that Jesus taught in Matthew 13.  Verse 22 is Jesus telling us what He meant in verse 7 about the seeds that fell among thorns that choked them.  He says, "As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful."  I, of course, have never noticed this and know it was saved for me for this moment this morning.  I hear the word of God but I also care about the world and what is in it and what I have or don't have.  Riches are deceitful - you think they will bring you happiness, but it doesn't last and so then you move on to your next purchase or want.  And worst of all...I'm unfruitful, unable to be used by God, while I'm tangled up in this longing, chasing of happiness through the world.  

Sunday we sang a song at church called "All We Need" by Charlie Hall.   Wow, thank you Lord.  I will declare moment by moment this prayer...it is a daily, conscious choice to be content, keeping You at the center of my focus and desire.  Thank You for all of these little whispers from You lately....

Rich or poor

Rich or poor God I want You more

Than anything that glitters in this world

Be my all, all consuming fire

You can have it all

You can have all my hands can hold

My heart, mind, strength and soul

Be my all, all consuming fire

Because we have all we need in You

And all we need is You

All we need is You

Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Enjoying This Moment He Gave Me

I've gone and done it again...  One day I will learn that not all 'good' activities are necessarily the 'best' for me to participate in!  Overwhelmed with the amount of entries on my calendar.  And reflecting on how the past six weeks or so have been a blur - what a waste!  Each day I wake and vow to 'get through' it, falling into bed exhausted each night.  For a few weeks I have repeated, 'something needs to change.'  And so now, after praying - "Lord, please help me to know what to prune, the activities that aren't necessary - and especially the ones that aren't pleasing to you." - I scaled back my commitments.

Am I a bad girl or a failure because I can't keep all the balls in the air that I'm trying to juggle?  No.  In fact, when I decided last week what needed to 'go' - a weight was lifted and I was lighter and freer and more at peace.  Ah!  Confirmation that this was okay with God - that this was pleasing to Him - even though it was a good-God-activity that I eliminated!

My friend Jenny sent me this that she wrote years ago:

Are you a “super server”?  Are you involved in any and every service you can find?  This is a good way to burn out on serving the Lord in any capacity.  Service looks like a good thing, and it can be, but if your hyper active system of serving God is simply for the sake of being involved and not for the purpose of furthering His purposes, then you’re in the wrong place.  He will accomplish his purposes, but he doesn’t need YOU to do it.  He LETS us be involved so we can get glimpses of who He is in the lives of others.  Do not be mistaken by thinking that you’re doing Him a favor.  It is so the other way around.  Before you do anything for God, pray earnestly about what his purposes for that activity are and how and if he wants you to be involved.  If he does, he’ll make the way clear and provide both the opportunity and the energy to do the task right.  

My overwhelming desire right now may sound corny to some, but it is truly my heart's desire.  It is to enjoy each moment.  To be thankful for each moment.  To not let life pass me by.  To not wake up each morning just hoping to get through the day.  To wake up expectantly looking for all the ways that God is blessing me each moment.  To thank God for the little things - the way the dust is glittering in the sunlight in the air in my living room right now.  Stuff that I don't notice when I'm on a dead run to get each thing done that I've signed up to do.  To have the time, or should I say, use the time in my day for purposeful, Kingdom things - to encourage my brothers and sisters and lift them up, to be the wife and mom I long to be, to be usable to my God.

God, what do you have for me today?  I need You.  Shape me, mold me, use me - for Your glory today and Your's alone.  Less of me - more of You.  Fill me right now with your unfailing love so that I might sing for joy today.  Help me to live in this moment, right now.  Lord, help me to come to You before I give a 'yes' and before my flesh cries out "I want to be a part of that activity!"  I give myself to You as a living sacrifice for You to use as You need to further Your Kingdom and to bring You glory.  Amen!

He is Doing a New Thing!

Don't you love this time of year?  I love getting back into a routine after school starts.  New school supplies, new Bible studies, new opportunities, groups, clubs.  God's all about changes and seasons and newness, too.  He may let us stay in one place for awhile, but He'll usually at some point pick us up and turn us around and pat our back in a different direction.  'Ok, you've done what I want you to in this place, now I need you to go over here for awhile.'  Or 'Girl, you are spinning your wheels and I never even told you to go that way...how about you go this way now.'  (Just so you know I have a picture of a wind-up toy stuck up against a wall in my head right now!)  Sometimes it is a big relief when things finally change.  Sometimes you know it is the path He wants you on, but it is one of the hardest things you'll ever do.

Visiting with a few of my sisters in Christ in Indiana this July!

As those parts of my heart have healed mostly from moving away from my family, friends, work, church, and community - I was finally able to have a relaxing visit in my hometown this summer and call upon friends to meet up and I didn't feel like my heart was going to be shredded to pieces while doing so!  But other places in my heart are still raw.  Over the past two years He's had me on a few different roads and I've stopped and started and trudged along and recently really felt lost on the foggy road.  Disconnect and loneliness was really taking a toll on me.  The rabbit trails I had taken on my own since being here were not filling the void - even though I tried hard.  This summer was full of fun family time but it was also hard on me emotionally as I felt so alone.  Depression.  God was always there though.   Sometimes waiting on God to change our season is so hard!  Here is what to remember during the wait though!   2 Corinthians 4:17:  "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"

The last few weeks have been lighter, my outlook has changed.  I'm looking forward to so much!  I'm a part of things - not just in them - but a part of them.  He is directing our family on a few different paths than what we were on.  He's pushing me out of my comfort zone in a few ways that makes me have butterflies in my belly and a smile on my face at the same time when thinking of actually doing what I've said I'll do!   He's providing blessings of uplifting conversations and new friendships and connections - encouragement.  Maybe it was all there before - it probably, actually was.  The eyes of my heart may have been hardened and closed.  Yes, Lamentations 3:22-23 says "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  His compassion, love and faithfulness is always with us - new every morning for us.  He remains the same.  I just was not in a place of recognizing it.

God encouraged me this morning with Isaiah 43:19 while doing a Bible study.  "See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  I've read it before, loved it, was encouraged by it.  But it came alive and personal again this morning.  It's a promise.  And it was Him talking to me.  I can sense the change lately.  I can sense the newness.  I can sense the excitement.  And the hope!

Do I feel happy all the time?  Is everything just peachy in my life?  No!  But to have hope and a promise of a new thing...and a promise that seasons change and don't last forever...  To have a God who is personal enough and loves me enough to point out to me this morning that it is He who is taking care of me and changing things - "See??  I am doing a new thing!"  To give me hope...

Thank you Jesus...thank you...

Remembrance - A Stack of Stones

Rocks at Dungeness Wildlife Refuge in Sequim, WA 6/17/09

It's been awhile in the making.  I can not say that I've mastered anything yet, but I can say our whole family has learned a ton.

God has allowed us to own two homes for well over a year now.  I do believe that He has wanted to teach us, grow us, and mold us.  A few weekends ago in church our pastor mentioned that myrrh does not get it's pleasing fragrance until it is crushed.  We have to be pushed and squeezed a bit in order to grow and then produce the fruit.  It sure does hurt sometimes.  But, God probably smiles that we are finally learning some of what He has wanted to open our eyes to.

As we go through the steps to prepare to close on the sale of our Indiana house in mid March, we are still learning.  But two things are glaringly obvious to us now.

1. God wants us to trust Him completely. 
2. God wants us to give generously.  

Yet these are the areas that He will continue to mold in us.  A couple weeks ago, as Jeff and I were heading to our Life Group we drove in silence.  We were both in turmoil on the inside which led to us being pretty icky to each other, too.  I was worried about the house inspection and whether it was going to cost us too much to do repairs.  And Jeff was worried about a reorganization that had happened at work and what kind of changes that would bring to him and his work environment.  We walked into group and everyone could see that we were struggling.  We didn't want to be there - we were just plain grumpy.  Everyone loved on us though and as we dove into our study on generosity and giving, Jeff began relaying the story of our journey over the past 20 months.  Each step along the way of something 'happening' to us, God in turn provided.  The way that we were convicted last February to tithe faithfully even though we had two house payments and we never turned back.  How we did not go without anything that we needed the past year.  Yes, there were some times of want and being rather tight, but we never went without.  God even taught us in the midst of things to have a heart of generosity...we still are in awe of how someone here obeyed God's nudge and gave us money in November to get our van brakes changed.  That money - a gift from someone who did not reveal themselves - changed my heart more than it provided us just extra money - although that was a blessing too!  It helped me even more in my journey of trusting God, too - it felt like it was straight from Him - "just trust Me, guys," He said.  We hogged the conversation at our group for quite a time remembering and revisiting God's faithfulness along the way.  By the end of group, we were cracking up and joking around, the weight had been lifted.  And we were wondering why we were not trusting God with these little things when we can share about how He has taken care of us so intimately for years and years.

The power of remembrance is amazing.  God made us and He gave us the ability to recall certain times - our memories.  Some hurt, some are so precious.  Memories are so powerful - so much emotion wrapped up in them when they are recalled - you can be whisked away back to that time and place in a blink of an eye.  When we take the time to tell our stories or really think through and visit memories of times when God was faithful - our faith in Him and our relationship with Him is strengthened.  We are renewed, re-energized  and strength is given to us.  We look at the history of the relationship and find that He is to be trusted, He won't leave us or forsake us. He will provide for those who love Him.  I'm sure it is the last thing that the devil wants of us - to remember how faithful and true God is.  He wants us to go with how we 'feel' in the moment - and turn around and go home and not go to Life Group (which is the only thing that we did discuss on that quiet ride to group.)  The devil wants us to wallow in our worries.  Just like the Israelites who witnessed many miracles and acts of faithfulness by God and continued to grumble and complain and worry that God was not going to provide - Jeff and I were reverting back to our human-ness. 

I never want to forget this experience we've had, witnessing His loving care and provision - His faithfulness, over these past months.  I never want it to be far from my mind.  It comforts me.  I want to revisit this in order to build my faith in Him.  I want to share it in order to help other's faith in Him.  In Joshua 4:20-24 Joshua stacked stones in order to serve as a reminder of God's faithfulness.  Hanging on our fridge, is the card that the anonymous gift of money came in - to serve as one of the reminders of His faithfulness to us - our little stack of stones.

Joshua 4:20-24  And Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan.  He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their parents, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.'  For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over.  The LORD your God did to the Jordan what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over.  He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God."