Stretched Thin

The hard work and blisters are paying off...

Notice there is now a house next door - almost done!

I have been a busy bee lately!  Whew!  I keep getting comments that I am 'glowing' or 'tan already' - someone asked if we'd been on vacation - just in my backyard...and the ballpark!  The landscaping is coming a long nicely.  I hung white lights up on the deck and with the speakers out there and the almost 24 hrs of shade and nice view it is something we are enjoying a ton already!  Next step for the backyard - some trees - big ones!!  Our grass in the backyard might be a hopeless cause.  It is so rocky...and dry.  We enjoyed several days outside in the backyard and on the deck with Jason, Robyn, AJ, and Jillian while they were visiting this past week.  They drove 12 hours from northern Indiana to come see us.  We have known Jason and Robyn since before we were married.  They are like family to us -- being a part of our lives through a lot of stuff.  We were all so excited to see them drive up.  We enjoyed showing them around, taking them to a soccer game, baseball game, church, Bible Study, pedicures, frozen yogurt, playing Draw Something on our phones, flying kites, having taco night, and just hanging out.  It was a great week.

I've had lunch with two of the girls from our LifeGroup over the past two weeks - that has been fun!  This weekend we are having fellowship time and a lunch together.  Emily has started soccer games now and Evan is playing one or two baseball games a week.  We got to go out with Steve and Wendy and their family also - tried Dippin' Dots for the first time!  LOL  I've been working on setting up our online auction for the Spring Fling that will be coming up in May.  Thankfully I am done volunteering with the after-school program for Tae Kwon Do - it wasn't hard - just more time spent.  

I had a really great Monday at my women's Bible Study this week!  Robyn came along and there was also a new girl that joined who is younger than all of us and single.  My desire is for our group to be very diverse with women in all stages of life so we can all encourage and mentor one another.  We met at a coffee shop this time and it was just really good.  I really enjoyed it.  I feel like God is helping me to feel more comfortable and giving me a renewed excitement for the group.  God's got good things planned - as usual.

Unfortunately, I really feel stretched thin right now.  I am not quite sure how I have ended up so busy - we are new here - I figured I'd be sitting twiddling my thumbs for the first year at least!  Just because I'm busy (or anyone else) doesn't mean I'm in a good spot though.  I seriously am having issues feeling in control of my schedule, my time, etc.  I am tired, so I can't get up in the morning, so I don't have my quiet times (which I desperately need), then I get only a few things accomplished during the day, feel behind on a bunch of stuff, and fall into bed tired.  Repeat.  I am missing my time with Him...must get back.  I don't have a routine yet...still.  I probably said 'yes' to a few too many things too quickly when we got here - I wanted to meet people and get involved.  Good is not always best though.  Right now, I am praying for guidance.  I want to be involved and every time that ANYthing comes up that remotely sounds like something I'd enjoy I have a desire to do it.  But then a lot of days I wish I had nothing to do so I could spend the day at home.  Not sure what is going on- what the correct balance is... have a feeling of being out of control and barely hanging on a lot of the time!  Confused and ready to just settle into normalcy and routine here.

Lord, please lead me to the right places, the right ways to be involved, the right use of my time.  More importantly, please help me to make time with You the most important and the non-negotiable part of my days.

Open Sores - In More Than One Way

I can not believe how the weather has changed so quickly!  We got sunburned sitting outside on Saturday during Evan's first baseball game.  We had to turn the a/c on and mow the grass.  It's like full fledged summer already!  The grass and trees are so pretty.  We've been working a lot on the landscaping in the backyard.  It is so therapeutic for me to go outside and pull some weeds and get my hands dirty.  Isn't that weird?  Of course now I have a huge blister on my hand - that is not so therapeutic. 

We accepted and signed an offer this past week that will allow a buyer to rent from us and then purchase the house within 9 months.  God answered our prayers, but once again it was not in our time frame and it was not the answer in the neat perfect little gift wrapped package that we expected!  When He answered our prayers after praying for years for a different job/promotion for Jeff - it wasn't exactly what we had planned to move to NC - but it was still an answer to prayer!!  And one that has been good for us!

Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.  

We did not like the idea of renting, but this is the best of both worlds for us and the buyer.  Financially we will be good - rent covering our mortgage.  And the contract that was signed is for the purchase of the home...so it is a binding contract.  While we wish it was all done and over with and we were not going to own two homes for the next 9 months, God has provided for us and He has given us peace about this decision as each little detail about this deal has worked in our favor.  Halleluiah!

Some of you know that I have had some problems lately.  I had to have an ultrasound today and they found what I 'knew' (you know when something isn't right) - two cysts on my left ovary.  One is actually 2 inches big and fluid filled.  The other is smaller, but might be the endometrioma that I had problems with 8 years ago when I was trying to get pregnant with Evan.  The doctor wants to wait 8 weeks and do another ultrasound and see what happens.  Sometimes they go away - sometimes they burst (which apparently doesn't hurt much??) - sometimes they get bigger and cause problems.  The doctor will talk to me at that time what I need to do.  So, just waiting to see.

We are excited what God is going to do through our 'new' small group.  The Life Group we joined in January had about 13-14 couples and their children in it.  Needless to say it was a little overwhelming walking in to that and not knowing anyone.  Well, the time came Sunday that the groups had to 'birth' and become two.  It is neat that all of the couples Jeff and I felt we had connected with are ones that will be in our group.  The leaders of the group are the ones that originally invited us to come and Evan and their son are on the same baseball team this season.  Pastor Rob talked about community yesterday at church - he even asked how many people didn't have family here in Charlotte - almost everyone raised their hand.  Our church family will be our family here.  It is important for us to be part of a healthy community here. Unfortunately I have already been reminded what is not healthy for us.  It grieves me to think how I am starting over completely and having to trust people who I don't know very well and are sure to let me down (because ALL humans will let us down - they are incapable of meeting my needs - only He can do that!). At this point I am going to focus on my relationship with God and His complete acceptance and love for me.  I have been very humbly reminded of my fear to be alone - to not be needed or included.  I hurt - like an open wound.  But, I admit it - that I have a need for significance - like every single one of us - and now I am going to let my Father love on me for awhile.  Very thankful for our Life Group and my Bible Study Group - no, we don't know anyone in these groups that well yet - but we know their hearts and their similar-mindedness - thankful and prayerful for what is to come with our 'family' here.  Resting in His loving arms.

Growing Up

The past few weeks have gone by quickly.  And now, it seems as though spring is here - the flowers on the trees are open, the daffodils are up, the grass is greening, and the trees are all budding.  I love this time of year!!

We had a great visit with my parents.  They stayed for a week and we enjoyed it!  My dad put up wainscoting in the dining room for me - I 'helped.'  After I painted it it looks just exactly the way I wanted it!  It makes me smile to look at it! :)

Evan has started baseball practice - his first game is next Saturday already.  He is doing so much better than last year already and his coach is really great.  It seems like baseball is a big deal here - or maybe it is just that he's a year older this year.  There are some GOOD players out there...wow.  Evan is also enjoying his after school taekwondo that he is doing.  I am helping with the program so I get to watch him each week.  It is well run.  We may have to consider continuing in it after it is over.  Emily starts soccer practice on Wednesday next week.

Unfortunately I had an accident this week.  Thankfully no one was hurt.  The police officer said it was the other driver's fault. It was interesting how all the body shops started calling and telling me that our insurance contacted them and I needed to make an appointment and come get my repairs done.  Too bad that isn't the case.  It's unfortunate how people feel the need to make money.

We had our first women's Bible study at my house on Monday.  It went well.  Three other ladies are doing it with me.  I think it is going to be great!  I am doing an Initials, Inc. party this evening for my friend Alison.  She is in my Bible study too.  I am working on some of the landscaping for around the back part of the house when I can.  It all will definitely need a lot of work.  Good thing I enjoy it.  Love going out there and working.  I'd like to paint a bit more in the house soon too.  Spring is always a busy time with the kids in sports though, so not sure how much more I will get done.  We are so excited to have Jason, Robyn, AJ, and Jillian visiting in just a few weeks and then Chris and Judy, and then my parents again, and then Tyrone, Lynette, and their family for a day! 

Jeff and I continue to pray for guidance, discernment, and to do His will.  We have had 38 showings on our home.  It is constant battle to remain trusting and have faith that His plan is best.  He is growing us though.  And I am glad that we are here.  What an adventure this has been already.  And how we are growing in our faith through this!  We are also growing up - not being right near our parents has helped us with this.  Not that we enjoy not being near them!!  But now that we are...we are forced to 'grow up.'  Seems silly to say when we have been married for 13 years, have two kids, and are 35 years old!  

I definitely have felt closer to the kids and Jeff recently.  I will look at the kids and just try to freeze time for a bit.  I love watching Evan crawl around on the floor with his cars still - I love that he still plays.  But then my heart jumps for joy when I see him doing so much better with baseball this year - actually trying to catch the balls and doing it!  I want to slow time down with Emily who is so pretty and will come out of her room after spending some time getting dressed, doing her hair, getting stuff together in her purse, putting on perfume, and some glittery face stuff...wow...when did that happen?  I went to tuck her in this week and she had used some new shampoo.  It reminded me of the scent she had as a baby.  I just kept kissing her and wanted to snuggle up with her!!  It's good to stop and cherish where they are right now and chisel it into my memories.  Jeff and I are leaning on each other a lot too.  While we are making friends here - we've only been here a few months.  It is hard to not have the friendships like we did in Indiana.  It will come, we must have patience...and I guess in the mean time...I will continue to pour into the three people who matter the most anyway.

He says, "Test Me in this"

Friends and Neighbors - Latasha, Mary Kay, and I at Bunco Night on Monday

I haven't really talked about what I've been up to lately.  So...here it is...  Evan has been sick two times in the past two weeks.  Emily had her birthday, basketball games, and Girl Scout outings - cookies just came in too.  I have been working on Spring Fling auction donations, my Initials, Inc stuff, painting the house some, and helping my neighbor, Latasha, at her children's consignment store...  Mary Kay and I try to get our 3 mile walk in most days - it has been fantastic winter weather!  God has blessed me with great neighbors and wonderful girlfriends!  Evan is getting ready to start an after school Taekwondo program at school this week and will start baseball practice next week.  Emily finishes basketball this week and starts soccer soon.   We've loved every minute of our new church - it is so awesome to look forward to going and then be surrounded in such joy and celebration while there.  We feel challenged by the messages and are growing. We are meeting more and more people through our LifeGroup, some Impact Classes we are attending, and my monthly women's night.  It is so nice to recognize faces there and feel more and more comfortable each week.  

Speaking of Southbrook...Pastor Rob did a sermon series on generosity for a few weeks.  I have never been as convicted during a series about tithing and giving of ourselves.  Jeff and I had pretty much been ignoring the tithing here.  I mean, geesh, we have two house payments, right??  We were reminded during these sermons that tithing is an act of worship and obedience and one that will grow our faith.  

Is our allegience to God or to money?  Quickly we say, "God, absolutely!"

Matthew 6:24  No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Do we ever think though, "if we could just have a bit more money, a little raise, things would be so much better - and then we'd be in a place to give more" ?

Ecclesiates 5:10  Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.

Our possessions are His.  When we chose not to give Him what is His with our tithe we are robbing God.

Malachi 3:8-10 “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.  “But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’ “In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."       Yes - this is from the OLD testement.  But, check out a few verses before this:  Malachi 3:6  "I the LORD do not change."

This is the only thing that God asks us to test Him on - He wants us to give and ust see what He will do for us.  SEE IF I WILL NOT THROW OPEN THE FLOODGATES OF HEAVEN!!  We hear about those who give and are repeatedly blessed and He always provides for them.  Why is it so hard to trust Him?

2 Corinthians 9:11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

He says we will be blessed in all ways so that at all times we can be generous and a blessing to others - thus showing others God's love and leading them to Him!  I will give God my first and my best so He can bless the rest!  If God does not get my first and my best - who or what does then??  Matthew 12:30 "He who is not with Me is against Me."

So, Jeff and I were gripped with conviction.  Yes, we have two house payments.  No, I have no idea how we are making ends meet.  But we will increase our faith in God by being obedient and giving Him what is His.  He will be first in our lives.  I have always done the finances and when it comes to tithing in the past - I really have not loved to do it.  I do it, but not with a joyful spirit.  I can honestly say that I enjoyed writing the past few checks - knowing what is in store for us.  Knowing that He will provide for us and will give us what we need in order to be a blessing to others!  And, evidently a lot of the congregation feel the same - during Sunday's tithe and offering a cheer broke out.  God smiled.

If you are interested, you can listen to Pastor Rob's Genome series here:  http://southbrookchurch.com/multimedia

Unconditional Love

Our first picture as parents!  2/13/2002

10 years ago I was changed forever.  I became a mom!  Sweet Emily Madisen made her appearance at 11:30am on February 13th after about 11 hrs of labor.  I remember some of those first moments in the hospital with this little creature that they said was mine.  It was hard to imagine having another human being who was mine.  She was so tiny and so snuggly and so sweet.  It may have been the good drugs, but I kept having dreams and thoughts that she and I were one...and that we were seperating in those moments - now that I could see her and stare into her sweet face.  Don't you just love remembering those precious moments?  Ahhh...and the smell - loved to bury my nose in my babies heads...mmmm.

This morning I woke Emily up in her twin sized bed that she fits quite well.  She was tired and grumpy and snapped/sassed at me several times.  It was a pretty rotten morning for us actually - she stomped off to the bus without even a goodbye.  Do I love her less?  Not at all.  She nor Evan could not do anything to make me love them less.  Unconditional love.   I understand it now that I am a mom.  And I understand it more with every day that passes as a parent.  But, I probably only have a glimpse of the intensity of the love that God has for me and you.  He loves us with a love that surpasses knowledge - one we can not grasp fully.  But one, that if you can grasp a bit - you will never be the same!  My prayer for each of you reading this is this - first that you allow God into your heart and second that you grasp how much He loves you!

Ephesians 3:16-19  "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

Happy Valentine's Day, friends! 

Emily Madisen - age 10

Getting Off the Plane...and Confirmations

This past week Jeff and I remembered that we are parents.  Ok, yeah, that sounds very odd.  I guess we didn't forget we were parents - for heaven's sake we have been making meals, driving them to and from places, helping with homework, and correcting behaviors.  How could we forget?  Ok, we didn't exactly forget - we never left them anywhere or forgot to get them up for school or be home when the bus came.  Just forgot the huge responsibility of the job God has given us.  We have been trying to survive over the past six months as we work through weird, unfamiliar, scary, and overwhelming feelings that we never knew we'd be dealing with.  Jeff and I have been selfish and a lot of times very unavailable as we run off to be alone and lick our wounds - dealing the best we can.  As we've dealt with the changes in our lives, it has consumed us at times.  And our kids have not gotten our best from us.   And so, we are back on track, remembering that we are the only family the kids have right here.  Being available and approachable and attentive is a must.  As Jeff put it...we've been in 'maintenance mode' and not 'nurture mode' for awhile.  I was thinking about how while we were living at Tony & Sue's and waiting for our house to be done I compared our situation to a "holding pattern" that a plane has before it lands.   In regards to parenting, I think we forgot to get off the plane and continued on auto-pilot.  Good news though!  The plane landed safely, after a few tears we are off the plane, rejuvenated, and invested. And our God is forgiving...and so are our kids.

Today we went to church, then to our Life Group, then back to church for the 101 class that tells what Southbrook Church is all about - what their beliefs are, etc.  Enjoyed it all. We will be continuing on in these classes at church to get plugged in. Meeting such great people through the church who have come from all over the country.  I am finalizing plans on leading a women's Bible study through Southbrook in our home on Monday mornings beginning in March.  We're going to tackle a book, Discovering God's Will for Your Life, and will be done in time for the kids to get out of school for the summer.  I'm looking forward to building some strong relationships through this and learning His word together!  I can't wait to connect a bunch of women that need connecting!  Me included!

So...confirmation when you make a decision is awesome, right?  Someone to say 'look here, you did the right thing, see?'  Our decision to move here was not really our decision I don't feel.  I was certain before we left Indiana that God was directing us/leading us to this opportunity in North Carolina.  Well, this past week confirmation of a big kind come when Jeff's old team at work was unfortunately given their notices...   Jeff and I couldn't help but be in awe of how God picked us up out of one spot and moved us to another - saving us from a bad situation!  He obviously knew all of this beforehand.  We obviously didn't - or it would have been a lot easier to leave and a lot easier to explain to everyone why we were leaving everyone and everything we knew!  Faith is everything...  And we have every reason to praise Him for His lovingkindness and protection!!!!

Impeccable Timing and Two Revelations

Have you ever just praised God for the timing of the perfect encouragement that He sent to you?

I had a rough weekend.  I was really missing our friends - especially those who we got together with as a family.  It is awesome to have friends that you can just call up and say "hey, want to hang out tonight" and not go to the trouble to clean the house up or make a perfect meal or worry when your kid is being mean and icky to their kids.  You can be yourself completely and sprawl out on the couch while you are visiting.  :)  Man, I miss them!!  Tears come still today thinking about it!  I am still mourning this loss.  As Kendra reminded me yesterday - I've had many losses, I have to work through the grief of each of them.  I keep thinking I'm done.  LOL!  I am so grateful that God is blessing me with lots of friends here - there are so many potential wonderful girlfriends here!  I am excited when I see that and He keeps introducing me to such amazing women.  But, I have only known them for short times - so that level of comfort is not there yet completely - but gosh, it is definitely getting there - I feel blessed today. Although this weekend my outlook on life just was very blah (for lack of better words.)
 

I got a note/package in the mail on Monday from my sister-in-law, Jenny.  She sent me something a friend of hers makes - a little bottle that has tiny tear shaped beads in it with the verse Psalm 56:8 on it.  The attached card says "The tears in a bottle remind us that God knows our every sorrow.  We all know or have known sorrow.  God promises that we are never alone and that He will wipe away every tear.  Revelation 21:4"   Jenny wrote me the most encouraging note to go along with it.  She reminded me Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Also 2 Corinthians 12:10 which says, "That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."    I of course, shed some more tears for His bottle.  I happen to love the verses about Him bottling our tears!  I was so in awe of His impeccable timing of when I needed this encouragement.  She lives away from home as well and understands  a lot of my struggles.  I wrote her an email and thanked her for her encouragement.  Her email back to me this morning that I read reminded me of a few things:  He is always there to pick me back up.  I am never alone even if I feel that way.  He uses these hard times for good.  Just to name a few.  So thankful for my 'sister' this morning!  So, then, I turn on the radio like I always do when I'm getting ready.  A song by Mandisa called 'Stronger' is on.  (Click on the words and just listen to it!)  I was singing along since I've heard the song a billion times and all of a sudden I heard the words.  More words 'just like' the ones from Jenny.  It was super cool.  Thanks God! 

So, I've had two revelations over the past two days.  First one was yesterday while I was enjoying the awesome weather and sunshine and doing some yard work. I of course have been thanking God for the beautiful weather this winter.  But, it is not typical here evidently for it to be THIS warm during the winter (I can always hope that this is the new typical though).  I know Indiana is having a very mild winter, as well.  I was struck how grateful Jeff and I need to be that it is mild because it costs a lot less to heat our two homes!!  So, praise God!   Second one this morning - if I can boast and brag and share about God's impeccable timing to encourage me at JUST THE RIGHT TIME...why would I not trust Him with the timing of everything else that goes on in my life?  Just sayin'!  Something for me to meditate on today.