Monday, May 21, 2012

Same Title 21 Days Later...

So, twenty-one days ago I wrote the blog entitled 'Stop searching for more, Amy!'  I'm still looking...looking everywhere...for something to make me happier.  It is so dang stupid too!!  We are still on the book of Ecclesiastes in church - learning about how silly Solomon was to try everything he did to try to make himself happy.  And in our Bible Study we just studied a chapter on being content.  Am I learning anything? 

A week ago I realized I had begun being very envious of others.  Comparing my life to theirs is what I was doing - I wanted what they had or were getting.  Why can't I fit in here as well as she is fitting in there?  Why can't I do that to make myself look prettier?  Why can't my entire family participate in that event together?  Why can't my husband be as Godly as that husband appears to be?   Wow...really?  Yeah...  I know, pretty sad.  Hopefully I'm not the only one that has ever been stuck in this nasty cycle.

Envy and comparing ourselves to others just leads to discontent. 
Galatians 6:4  Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Romans 12:6 ... let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 ...make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands...

Hebrews 13:5  Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.
Father, forgive me for comparing myself to others and wishing I was different or had more.  I should be minding my own business and remembering that You provide me with all my 'needs' and You will never leave or forsake me.  Help me to be content in my circumstances.  I long for joy to return...for simplicity.  Lord, direct my paths and lead me in the ways You want for me.  Show me where to prune and where you want me to grow!
Life has been a complete whirlwind.  I don't think I was even this busy ever in Indiana.  And I'm not saying this in a good way!!  I have not enjoyed being this strung out...not at all.  It is NOT all it's cracked up to be, people!  And I won't be doing it again.  I felt so out of control.  I couldn't remember my address the other day when asked, I was 20 minutes late to a dentist appointment because I couldn't keep it straight, I ended up sick (big surprise, right?), it just is too much.  Maybe most people can do it...I can't.  Let me take that back - I can - but it is not worth the sacrifices I make in the other areas of my life.
Evan taking a swing during practice
Part of the cafeteria for the Silent Auction
Here's some of the latest.  Evan's baseball this season was really fun.  He had a really great coach - one who was more into making it fun for the boys and teaching them the basics than winning at all costs (which holy cow is it big time out here with baseball.!!!)  His last game was Sunday when they lost the third game in the tournament.  Emily's soccer this season was an awful experience for all of us.  Emily became so discouraged with the lack of direction from the coach, as well as his yelling approach.  Her last game was yesterday too, but after she left the field in tears on Saturday we decided that that was enough and did not attend the game yesterday.  The Spring Fling was Friday, as well as Evan's 8th birthday!  The day was long - was at school for over 14 hours on my feet working.  It was so fun to be a part of things though and to get to know so many other moms at the school.  The auction was a success raising around ten thousand dollars!  I love doing it, but will need so much more than just one other person helping next year in order for me to participate...I just was doing too much of it.  Bible Study has gone well.  Our last meeting was this morning.  None of us know what the fall holds as far as scheduling, so I am not sure that we will continue meeting or not.  I will be praying a lot about this, but I am not positive that I will continue.  Emily had her end of grade testing last week and did fantastic.  We are going to enjoy some girl time tomorrow evening and get our hair cut.  
Em looking cute in Jeff's hat
Went back to the doctor last Tuesday.  The ultrasound showed that the bigger cyst on my ovary is gone - which is what they thought would happen.  But...the smaller one that they thought was the endometrioma - it grew and got bigger.  Big enough to cause some pain - but not huge. said it will probably not go away - most likely will stay this size or continue growing.  So...he said we could go ahead with surgery or wait and see if I have any more issues.  I opted to wait and see.  Will go back in 4 months for another ultrasound unless I decide in the mean time that I can't handle the pain.  And of course, I haven't had any pain since about 2 weeks ago when it was so bad I was about to call.

Friday night we will be able to have some friends of ours stay with us overnight as they travel to South Carolina.  We are planning a big breakfast for Saturday morning and lots of catching up to do!  Tyrone and Lynette left Evansville around the time we did last summer and began their new adventures in Arkansas.

The kids have three weeks of school left.  We then will have Matthew and Kendra here with their family!!  And then we will be traveling to St. Augustine, Florida for vacation and meeting up with Scott and Jill and family!  We are so excited to be seeing our friends!  At some point this summer we plan to come to Indiana for a weekend and drop the kids off - my parents bringing them home in a week.  Jeff and I might just have to check out Charleston, SC for a few nights while we have the alone time. We are also joining the YMCA here - they have an outdoor pool/water park.  Our neighborhood eventually will have a pool but we have to have more houses built still, so not this summer!  I look forward to a lazy summer!!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Stop Searching for More, Amy!

 It is weird that almost anything that I'm asked to do or be a part of or anything I hear anyone else talking about being a part of I have a desire to join and do here.  I think it's just that longing/desire to be rooted belong.  But yet I am overwhelmed with the responsibilities I already have!!  Why do I feel the need to do more?? Repeat after me!  Just say 'no' - it's ok...I'm not going to miss out on opportunities to meet people.  God is supplying the opportunities where I am at- where I am involved...  I don't have to go searching for them and chasing them down. 
So - last Wednesday I went to Coffee Buddies - a group that meets just socially from our church at a local coffee house. It was a fun time and some great conversation.  We also had a very fun potluck Sunday with our LifeGroup - the large group - everyone before we split.  It was a fun, fun time!  Bible study was fun Monday morning - I really feel close to these ladies already! Monday morning I also got to meet with the women's ministry leader and another women's LifeGroup leader - Stephanie.  Stephanie emailed afterwards and asked if I'd like to have lunch sometime.  And as I am writing I am realizing that I am involved in enough ways that I can stop searching for more in order to find a few more friends.  The opportunities are right in front of me.  They are all around.  I'm plugged in.  I am a part of things.  I just need to spend some time now (meaning I won't have it RIGHT NOW) and nurture what is developing.  Pastor Rob is preaching on the book of Ecclesiastes right now.  Solomon tried to get happiness every imaginable way...he searched for and got everything earthly he could imagine...yet he concluded that it was all vanity...all meaningless.  In the end he says, "fear God and keep His commandments." (Eccl 12:13)  It's that simple...nothing on this earth placed on the throne of my heart is going to make me happy.  Only God can.  Stop searching for more, Amy. 
Ready to leave for camp!
Sunday night after Emily had a great time at Girl Scout camp and we had a busy weekend, we decided to have a family night at home and get in bed early to prepare for another busy week.  Well, Jeff had a run in with an axe while splitting some wood for his fire pit.  His left thumb didn't make out so well.  We all got in the car and went to the urgent care then on to the ER for some stitches.  It's our first trip to the ER as a family - can you believe that?  Well, it took FOREVER since he wasn't dying - which I am thankful for!  LOL.  Cafeteria there was closed already, of course.  I did contact my friend Jennifer (her and her husband are our couples LifeGroup leaders - and both doctors) on the way to ask where to go.  I couldn't get a hold of her, but she called later and really wanted to come get our kids, but the doctor had finally come in, so it wasn't really necessary.  I also had a sweet neighbor, Jade, offer to drive up and come get the kids.  I did think several times how spoiled we had been all those years where we just call our parents up and have instant help.  It is hard in a new place to think - crap, where is the nearest hospital??  who can watch the kids??  We ended up home with a stitch and a peeled off nail and bandages - could have been so much worse, so very grateful.  Ate at 9, home by 9:30 and kids to bed going on 10.  And after talking about it afterwards, so many others say please call if anything ever comes up again.  We are already blessed and cared for.
But for some reason I am sad.  I'm so worn out, so stressed out.  I am having increased pain now and debating whether to hang on until May 15th for my next ultrasound of the cyst on my ovary or call in about it.  The reason to wait the two months was to see if it went away.  Well, I know it hasn't. I'm a little concerned with whether surgery is going to be the answer.  Between this and being busy I've got a lot on my mind and feel like I'm chasing my tail day after day. (Making jokes about Solomon a lot - 'this is all meaningless!' - maybe I should be saying that not joking!!)  I've also felt a little ill prepared for the parenting talks that have come up lately. I'm sure you never are prepared - or don't feel like you are.  I just desire with all my heart for Emily to not take some of the same paths that I did...  I remember some of her feelings all too well...and I don't want her to have them.  I want her to have her confidence in the Lord.  I need to be on my knees for her more as she is entering into this time of her life.  On another note - she has asked to be baptized!  Most likely will be toward the end of the summer at a service.  
So, I feel more positive after writing.  Ready to get going with the day and tackle it - being thankful for what I do have, allowing Him to lead me, praying for guidance, and placing Him on the throne of my heart where He belongs.