Remembrance - A Stack of Stones

Rocks at Dungeness Wildlife Refuge in Sequim, WA 6/17/09

It's been awhile in the making.  I can not say that I've mastered anything yet, but I can say our whole family has learned a ton.

God has allowed us to own two homes for well over a year now.  I do believe that He has wanted to teach us, grow us, and mold us.  A few weekends ago in church our pastor mentioned that myrrh does not get it's pleasing fragrance until it is crushed.  We have to be pushed and squeezed a bit in order to grow and then produce the fruit.  It sure does hurt sometimes.  But, God probably smiles that we are finally learning some of what He has wanted to open our eyes to.

As we go through the steps to prepare to close on the sale of our Indiana house in mid March, we are still learning.  But two things are glaringly obvious to us now.

1. God wants us to trust Him completely. 
2. God wants us to give generously.  

Yet these are the areas that He will continue to mold in us.  A couple weeks ago, as Jeff and I were heading to our Life Group we drove in silence.  We were both in turmoil on the inside which led to us being pretty icky to each other, too.  I was worried about the house inspection and whether it was going to cost us too much to do repairs.  And Jeff was worried about a reorganization that had happened at work and what kind of changes that would bring to him and his work environment.  We walked into group and everyone could see that we were struggling.  We didn't want to be there - we were just plain grumpy.  Everyone loved on us though and as we dove into our study on generosity and giving, Jeff began relaying the story of our journey over the past 20 months.  Each step along the way of something 'happening' to us, God in turn provided.  The way that we were convicted last February to tithe faithfully even though we had two house payments and we never turned back.  How we did not go without anything that we needed the past year.  Yes, there were some times of want and being rather tight, but we never went without.  God even taught us in the midst of things to have a heart of generosity...we still are in awe of how someone here obeyed God's nudge and gave us money in November to get our van brakes changed.  That money - a gift from someone who did not reveal themselves - changed my heart more than it provided us just extra money - although that was a blessing too!  It helped me even more in my journey of trusting God, too - it felt like it was straight from Him - "just trust Me, guys," He said.  We hogged the conversation at our group for quite a time remembering and revisiting God's faithfulness along the way.  By the end of group, we were cracking up and joking around, the weight had been lifted.  And we were wondering why we were not trusting God with these little things when we can share about how He has taken care of us so intimately for years and years.

The power of remembrance is amazing.  God made us and He gave us the ability to recall certain times - our memories.  Some hurt, some are so precious.  Memories are so powerful - so much emotion wrapped up in them when they are recalled - you can be whisked away back to that time and place in a blink of an eye.  When we take the time to tell our stories or really think through and visit memories of times when God was faithful - our faith in Him and our relationship with Him is strengthened.  We are renewed, re-energized  and strength is given to us.  We look at the history of the relationship and find that He is to be trusted, He won't leave us or forsake us. He will provide for those who love Him.  I'm sure it is the last thing that the devil wants of us - to remember how faithful and true God is.  He wants us to go with how we 'feel' in the moment - and turn around and go home and not go to Life Group (which is the only thing that we did discuss on that quiet ride to group.)  The devil wants us to wallow in our worries.  Just like the Israelites who witnessed many miracles and acts of faithfulness by God and continued to grumble and complain and worry that God was not going to provide - Jeff and I were reverting back to our human-ness. 

I never want to forget this experience we've had, witnessing His loving care and provision - His faithfulness, over these past months.  I never want it to be far from my mind.  It comforts me.  I want to revisit this in order to build my faith in Him.  I want to share it in order to help other's faith in Him.  In Joshua 4:20-24 Joshua stacked stones in order to serve as a reminder of God's faithfulness.  Hanging on our fridge, is the card that the anonymous gift of money came in - to serve as one of the reminders of His faithfulness to us - our little stack of stones.

Joshua 4:20-24  And Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan.  He said to the Israelites, "In the future when your descendants ask their parents, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.'  For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over.  The LORD your God did to the Jordan what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over.  He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God."

You Can Count on Me!

I have always considered it a pet peeve of mine when people agree to do something and then fail to follow through.  It even irritated me when it was that super sweet, pure intentioned mom who volunteered for everything and got most of it done (very haphazardly and somewhat chaotically) but with a completely joyful heart.

Getting Off the Plane...and Confirmations

This past week Jeff and I remembered that we are parents.  Ok, yeah, that sounds very odd.  I guess we didn't forget we were parents - for heaven's sake we have been making meals, driving them to and from places, helping with homework, and correcting behaviors.  How could we forget?  Ok, we didn't exactly forget - we never left them anywhere or forgot to get them up for school or be home when the bus came.  Just forgot the huge responsibility of the job God has given us.  We have been trying to survive over the past six months as we work through weird, unfamiliar, scary, and overwhelming feelings that we never knew we'd be dealing with.  Jeff and I have been selfish and a lot of times very unavailable as we run off to be alone and lick our wounds - dealing the best we can.  As we've dealt with the changes in our lives, it has consumed us at times.  And our kids have not gotten our best from us.   And so, we are back on track, remembering that we are the only family the kids have right here.  Being available and approachable and attentive is a must.  As Jeff put it...we've been in 'maintenance mode' and not 'nurture mode' for awhile.  I was thinking about how while we were living at Tony & Sue's and waiting for our house to be done I compared our situation to a "holding pattern" that a plane has before it lands.   In regards to parenting, I think we forgot to get off the plane and continued on auto-pilot.  Good news though!  The plane landed safely, after a few tears we are off the plane, rejuvenated, and invested. And our God is forgiving...and so are our kids.

Today we went to church, then to our Life Group, then back to church for the 101 class that tells what Southbrook Church is all about - what their beliefs are, etc.  Enjoyed it all. We will be continuing on in these classes at church to get plugged in. Meeting such great people through the church who have come from all over the country.  I am finalizing plans on leading a women's Bible study through Southbrook in our home on Monday mornings beginning in March.  We're going to tackle a book, Discovering God's Will for Your Life, and will be done in time for the kids to get out of school for the summer.  I'm looking forward to building some strong relationships through this and learning His word together!  I can't wait to connect a bunch of women that need connecting!  Me included!

So...confirmation when you make a decision is awesome, right?  Someone to say 'look here, you did the right thing, see?'  Our decision to move here was not really our decision I don't feel.  I was certain before we left Indiana that God was directing us/leading us to this opportunity in North Carolina.  Well, this past week confirmation of a big kind come when Jeff's old team at work was unfortunately given their notices...   Jeff and I couldn't help but be in awe of how God picked us up out of one spot and moved us to another - saving us from a bad situation!  He obviously knew all of this beforehand.  We obviously didn't - or it would have been a lot easier to leave and a lot easier to explain to everyone why we were leaving everyone and everything we knew!  Faith is everything...  And we have every reason to praise Him for His lovingkindness and protection!!!!