Just Bein' a Pest!

I'm still here!  Oh my word has it been awhile since I've written.  I just wanted to share something that Emily and I wrote and shared at a Mother-Daughter Picnic at church on Mother's Day weekend.  It was truly a blessing to be able to do this with Emily and to learn so much while preparing. (I took a lot of this from my last blog post in March)

Southbrook Moms & Daughters

Hello fellow moms!  My name is Amy Kissel and this is my daughter Emily – she is 12 and in the sixth grade. This is the first time that I’ve been a mom to a daughter who is 12 and in the sixth grade!  I sit before you not as an expert in mother-daughter relationships, but as a fellow mom, leaning on God and you lovely ladies as we forge on!  When Kathy called me about a month ago and asked me if I’d like to talk at this picnic about being intentional and purposeful in building our relationships with our daughters – I immediately thought that this would be a great opportunity – I had just recently become very aware of the dangers of the ‘real world’ that Emily is growing up in and how I needed to be praying more for her, educating myself and spending intentional time with her.  I feel as though I may have taken a ‘mom break’ for a few years…I’ve kinda been coasting.  We got through the toddler years, past preschool and into elementary.  Once we got to elementary - for the most part the kids were pleasant to be around and becoming more and more independent by the moment. Woohoo! Mom relaxes, kicks back, starts taking some time for herself….only to have my eyes opened completely wide this year and a kick in the pants to action…wake up!  I have got some important work to do.  So back to Kathy’s question of speaking, ‘yes, yes, I’d like to do that.’  Then…the enemy got a hold of me… ‘What information do you possibly have to convey to these moms??  Some of them seasoned moms – some of them pros at this??’ ‘There are plenty of ladies who have been there, done that and their girls are well-adjusted, pleasant, Jesus-lovin young women ---- those ladies should be up here tellin’ us all what works and what don’t…what in the world do I know about this??!!   Yikes!  What have I done?

But…I continued to pray and asked God to give me some words for this…and in the process realized that this actually was going to be a huge blessing to both Emily and I as I took the time to learn some things, open my eyes and prepare a bit.  You see, Em and I don’t always see eye to eye.  We butt heads, we both take things too personally, and we make each other angry.  I wouldn’t say that our relationship is one that just naturally ‘happens’ and brings joy to each other on a regular basis…but oh how I long for that!  So, I read some books, some articles, talked to some wise moms I am blessed to know and then I asked the question to my facebook friends and family, “moms of tween and teen girls:  what do you do to be purposeful and intentional in your relationship with your daughter/s?”  I got several private messages of encouragement, an invitation to coffee, an ‘oh girl!!’ and a ‘we’ll get through it’ pat on the back…but every time someone replied I got tears in my eyes.  We’re all in this together.  Look around the room…you have a network of support right here – there is so much wisdom...

Being intentional means living with purpose.  Having a goal or specific outcome in mind.

So, if we’re talking about being intentional in nurturing our relationships with our daughters, what would be our goal or specific outcome?  Maintaining closeness and open communication and a healthy relationship –that way when the bumps come, we can work on things together.

We may be quite similar or complete opposites of our daughters..but we must learn to work together, embrace differences and understand them.  Ultimately women want love, understanding and acceptance – we want that…and our daughters want that too.

So, from my talks with other moms, books read and prayers said, I determined this:  In order to build into my daughter’s life it will take: Prayer, Education, Selflessness and Time.

Prayer:  This is our most important step.  Remembering that God loves our daughters even more than we do – I should be talking to Him constantly about her.  She is more important to Him than she is to me!   I admit very ashamedly that I have not been praying for my children very often at all…like I said, I’ve been coasting.   Prayer will bring power to us through the Holy Spirit but it will also alleviate our fears and anxieties!!  Perfect!  We need that, right??!!  Praying with our daughters create a closer bond and allow them to see how much you take to God in prayer.  There are books and lists on things to pray for for her, but just praying simple prayers are good too!  I prayed a ‘help me.  I can’t do this’ prayer recently concerning my parenting and He was quite quick to send me some help.

Education:  I laugh a lot that I 'live in a little Christian-bubble' with a perfect little life and am so naive to what goes on in the world - I look at people 'around here' and think they're all good - that there is nothing really evil going on.  I will not laugh about this anymore.  It isn't funny nor cute that I've been 'sheltered.'  This is the point in my life that I need to educate myself to what kids are into.  What slang word is what, what social media is what, what girls do on Friday nights…What they will face so I can talk to her about it before she faces it. I sat her down before 6th grade sex ed to tell her the Biblical version like many of you did/will because she will learn it – I’d rather she hear it and hear it correctly from me first.  I want to know what’s going on ‘out there’ so when she does need to come to me I don’t have a complete breakdown cause I’m so unaware of what is out there – does that make sense?   I feel like I can easily educate myself on some parenting skills by talking to other moms who are further along on the journey whom I trust.  As I was telling a friend who’s daughter is 5 years further along on her journey about a situation the other day – she quickly pointed out what I could do – I welcomed it.  Yes, please give me some of that wisdom!  Education – A perfect place to look for it would be in the Bible.   What does God say about raising our kids?  Are there other reliable resources out there that I can turn to?  Recently I’ve read some great information about the differences in the world we were raised in vs. what our daughters are facing today.  I need to expect that how I was raised and what worked then is going to be different than what is going to work now.

Selflessness/ Humility:  Jeff just talked to the kids about how he was experiencing some peer pressure with his friends recently and what he did to resolve that.  And I just told Emily how grumpy I was because I was tired last night.  Our kids seeing that we make mistakes, we have to deal with stuff…and how we do it…and sometimes fail at doing it.  Hopefully they are learning a little by example – weaving life lessons into our own stories of experiences.  Daring to be real and allowing them to see that we are not perfect.  Apologies when we need them and asking her to forgive me…  God is helping me with the ability to not take it personal when Emily is in a mood and lashes out at me.  The ability to practice self-control and not lose control and become a 12 year old girl too.  I don’t really need to get the last word in.  He’s teaching me to bite that tongue.  Selflessness – putting others before self --  focus on her and her interests and loves…learn about them and become interested and want to know all about it.  Take the focus off of myself – selflessness.  Listen.  Really listen…not the toddler mom type of listening ‘the half listen’ where the toddler is saying mom mom mom mom and then a bunch of syllables of a sentence you don’t understand and you just smile and nod and say ‘oh…yes, absolutely’ but you have NO idea what they said…  Or the half-listening that I sometimes do when she launches into a story about something that I’m not quite interested in or I don’t really understand.  These are the moments I need to drop what I’m doing and learn all about what I don’t understand and become interested in it because SHE is interested in it – because SHE is important and I love her.  THIS is what is important right now.  God has given my daughter to me to parent…to love…to pour into for this time..and we are only here for a moment.  Ok – remember my facebook question?  Moms of tween and teen girls – what do you do to be purposeful and intentional in your relationship with your daughter/s?   One of my cousins answered my question with this:  “I really think it's the little things that matter most. I purposely read the types of books she loves so we have those to talk about. Add a special touch to her lunch or a special treat in the car when I pick her up at school if she is having a rough week. In addition to right after school, I know the time she is most likely to be talkative is right before bed. Thus even though now with high school soccer she is often up late at night doing homework, I stay up with her so we have that time together when she is most likely to open up.” That is filled with thinking about another more than yourself.  Another slant to Selflessness and Humility – not trying to change her.  Not trying to steer her towards things that I’d love her to do or wear or be more like.  Probably my favorite comment to my facebook question – “Remember she is not you.”  Ouch!   Embrace who she is becoming and what her passions are…even though they aren’t mine – she is different than me!!  I admit I've tried to steer my kids toward things I'd love to see them succeed in...mainly so I can be validated (which is selfish instead of selfless). ..’look what my kid can do’.  I'd love to live through them and have them succeed at things I couldn't.   Emily tried out for volleyball this past year.  I was so proud and so excited that she was doing it.  When she didn’t make the team – guess who cried about it?  It was an eye-opener to me that that particular activity was MY dream and I needed to check myself and my intentions…

Time:  Emily and I don't have a lot in common that we love to talk about.  But, she just read the Divergent book series and she loves to talk about what she's reading.  So, I started reading them too.  It gave us a nice way to talk through some of the books.  Every relationship we have requires effort and intentionality.  Intentionally schedule some time to do something that she enjoys together.  One facebook friend mentioned that she has started watching her daughter’s favorite show with her.  Another says that they do dinner and a movie together once a month.  One says : “Grace and I share a circle journal. She writes a prompt and I respond to it then I write a new prompt and she responds to it. Sometimes it's a doodle, sometimes it's recalling a family memory, sometimes it's a Q &A, We aren't consistent with getting it back and forth, but I always love when it shows up on my bedside table or in my purse. Fun!”  I know that might stress some of you out to have to write in a journal – but others might really benefit from it.  Expressing yourself with writing is a lot easier for some…like me.  I remember when I was a preteen…I wrote my mom a note and left it on the laundry basket “I’m thinking I need a training bra, don’t you think?  They’re starting to get bigger.”  I could NOT utter those words to my mom during that time.  It was awkward and embarrassing.  To this day – I feel like I can communicate so much more eloquently with writing than with speech – so – maybe some of you might want to give it a try!  Other ideas for time together:  Walks, painting toenails, seeing a movie, a weekly breakfast, going to a certain restaurant that the rest of the family hates…  A year ago when I noticed that there were some hormones going on in the house.  I walked into Emily’s room to tuck her in and I told her that I am here…you can talk to me about anything and everything.  You can ask me anything.  This is your time.  Every night.  I will come in your room and tuck you in and if you want to spend time talking…it’s yours.  I’m yours.  It’s been good.  I’ve also realized lately that even though my girl looks more and more like an adult – she still wants hugs, hand holding and cuddles at times – of course if we’re in public I will let HER initiate this so not to embarrass her!  I’d much rather give this to her than her wanting it from someone else.  Emily and I are going to do our first mother-daughter Bible Study this summer with another mom and daughter.

So, to be purposeful takes Prayer, it takes Education, it takes Selflessness and it takes Time.  Oddly enough that spells out “PEST” and oddly enough – this is what Emily and I both have pinpointed as the one characteristic that is most harmful in how I’m relating to her.  I tend to be a nag, a pest…always pointing out what needs to change, what needs to be done.  Yes, I have major control issues – God is helping me with it!  When Pastor Shane spoke a few weeks back about our “Whatever” – our one thing that we need to surrender to God  - I was awakened when Colossians 3:21 hit me over the head.  “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”  I realized that the majority of my interactions with Emily were me being a nag.  I’ve just realized as I’m embarking on this new phase of life that I need to change my parenting – I am not parenting a baby, toddler, or elementary school daughter.  I need to trust how we parented her/what we have taught her up to this point that Emily does know deep down right and wrong... but now realize that it's going to require a different type of parenting – one where she needs to make some decisions on her own, that we don't give advice and correct and teach at every single opportunity but make sure she does know she can ask for advice.  That not every battle (the little things) needs to be fought.  She needs my relationship more than my instruction at this stage of life and to know that we are here and we want to be here. We are now her guide instead of her driver.  We’re still her parent, not her peer, but I am here…I’m present…I’m engaged…I’m available.   I’m slowly relinquishing control a bit at a time while trusting God because He has good things planned for my daughter.  In my absence, He is there.

Emily's Part:

To be purposeful/intentional in our relationships with mom – daughters need to remember to be a PEST too!
P- Pray
Pray with and for her and your relationship.  Spend some time with her to just talk to the Lord.  Have that special time of 1, 2, 5, 10 minutes or however long you feel like praying.
E – Education (remember she can be a source)
Remember that mom went through so much of the things we do…hormones, body changes, friend troubles, being made fun of, crushes, dating, hard choices…she understands a bit of it!!  She knows how to deal with some of the things you are going through.
Ask for help when you need it.  She is always there for you.  You don’t have to face this world alone, she has gone through it and understands what you are feeling and might have some advice if you want it.
S – Selflessness/Humility – part of being selfless is doing stuff when I don’t really feel like it – because it is good for me and our relationship.  It’s also thinking about her feelings, too.
Share your feelings as much as you can.  Don’t keep them curled up in a tiny ball and push them to the back of your mind.  You will end up exploding at someone.  I mean, you saw what happened with Elsa right? Your mom can help you unpack your emotional backpack.  I mean, I know sometimes I am not the best example for this because I am not good at sharing my feelings but, I am trying to get better.
Be kind to her.  Try not to let hormones get the better of you.  Try not yell at her to get out of your room. Remember parents have feelings too!  Realize it is hard at times for mom to see you growing up and not needing her as much.  Sometime she may think that you are still her baby girl and need to be taught when you don’t.  Remind her from time to time that you are not a baby.  Remember that mom does want what’s best for you.  She is not out there to get you, she wants to see you succeed.

Whew!  We're glad to be done - hanging out at the picnic now!

T – Time 
Suggest time together when you feel like you need it.  I usually ask for this when I am emotionally unstable and need answers to my questions.
She will be there…she’s my mom.  She’ll be there even when friends change.  It’s a permanent relationship. And God hand-picked her to be mine.  God knows there is no other mom that would be better fitted to raise you than the one you have now.

Confessions of a Tween's Mom - Eyes are Opened

Over the past couple of months I've been enlightened...well, a bit.  I've learned the definitions of 'fangirling' and 'bronies' and what it means to be 'friendzoned.'  So, I'm now super cool to my now 12 year old daughter...well, not really.

What I've really been clued in to is the crazy, crazy time that our kids are growing up in.  Emily's church youth group leaders had a brunch for moms of sixth grade girls a few weeks ago.  While there I learned that our girls are faced with bad language used by fellow classmates and friends.  The 'F' word, along with all the others, is being said around my Emily every day.  I am proud of her that she's made the decision for now that those words don't need to be said because they're nasty, but she still has to hear them come out of the mouths of most of the kids around her on a daily basis.  It was also shared that the seventh grade girls are dealing mostly with their friends and classmates being anxious, depressed, cutting themselves, and threatening suicide.  It seriously made me scared to hear this.  I left this get-together with my eyes beginning to be opened, but more was to come.  I recently was the 'adult' presence during an activity with Emily and a few other 12 year old girls.  One of them talked very freely about her friends who cut and want to die.  She also brought up the recent news about facebook adding more gender choices than just male and female - to which Emily said, "well that is silly, there are only two."  Right on, girl!  The concern for me continued as I had coffee with a friend who told me how her seventh grade son is dealing with friends who have shown him pornography and how there are sixth grade girls having babies.  Pick me up off the floor and fan me please....this mom has wide-open eyes now.

So, what do we do with this?  Like I said, my immediate response was to be scared for what our children are going to have to come up against.  I truly believe that they are going out into a war zone every day and we have GOT to equip them with the tools to fight well - instead of just being a P-E-S-T.

Pray:  I admit very ashamedly that I have not been praying for my children very often at all.  Prayer will bring  power to them through the Holy Spirit but it will also alleviate our fears and anxieties!  I pulled the book, "Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian, off of my shelf and dusted it off since I hadn't opened it since I received it when Evan was born.

"When we don't pray, it's like sitting on the side-lines watching our children in a war zone getting shot at from every angle.  When we do pray, we're in the battle alongside them, appropriating God's power on their behalf.  If we also declare the Word of God in our prayers, then we wield a powerful weapon against which no enemy can prevail."  (page 21)

Educate ourselves:  I laugh a lot that I 'live in a little Christian-bubble' with a perfect little life and am so naive to what goes on in the world - I look at people 'around here' and think they're all good - that there is nothing really evil going on.  I will not laugh about this any more.  It isn't funny nor cute that I'm 'sheltered.'  This is the point in my life that I need to educate myself to what kids are into.  What slang is what.  What they will face so I can talk to them before they face it.

Spend time together/be intentionally involved:  I just recently have told a few friends how Emily and I don't have a lot in common that we love to talk about.  But, she just read the Divergent book series and she loves to talk about what she's reading.  So, I started reading them too.  It gave us a nice way to talk through some of the books and a fun way to connect as the movie comes out later this month.  I am super-glad I did this.  Sometimes opportunities do not just pop up but we have to be intentional to be involved and to work at our relationships.  In some relationships this happens naturally, but in some it doesn't - especially with a hormone-raging, roller-coaster-of-emotions, highly-sensitive tween.  Intentionally schedule some time to do something that she enjoys together.

Talk with our kids:  After we came home from the event where I overheard the talk about cutting and suicide and genders, etc., I talked to her about it.  I asked her what she thought.  I asked her if any of her friends talked like that.  I assured her that she needs to tell me if any of her friends ever talked about hurting themselves.  Jeff has taken her out recently and asked her what her friends are into and who is doing what? We got that idea from a friend in our Lifegroup!  Jeff just talked to the kids about how he was experiencing some peer pressure with his friends recently and what he did to resolve that.  And I just told Emily how grumpy I was because I was tired last night.  Hopefully they are learning a little by example.  We have to keep that dialogue going.  I also had to have 'the talk' with Emily recently before sixth grade health class beat me to it.  I wanted her to hear it from us first and about what God says on the topic.  I knew if she didn't hear it from us it wasn't going to be taught to her at school!

I'm sure that those of you with older kids are way past this stage of eye-opening and have all kinds of ideas on how to keep our kids on the right track.  Please share your experiences with us embarking on this stage!  It definitely helps to talk to others and get ideas and counsel.  And I know that the Wednesday night youth group at our church has been so great for Emily this year - it's a confusing time for middle and high schoolers.  If you have a teen who would like to go, please let me know!  Jeff and I are definitely thankful that Emily has two extremely godly women leading her group at church who are available and invested in Emily's life.  I'm glad that Emily has another choice of someone to talk to...sometimes parents aren't quite enough.

The fear has been replaced for the moment with thankfulness that we have so many tools available to help in raising our children in this world.  2 Timothy 1:7 says, 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.'  My fear was/is not from God.  I know that with Him, we can rest in the truth in Proverbs 22:6, 'Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.'  And when the anxiety creeps in again:  'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.' (Philippians 4:6)

He gave us our children for a reason.  He obviously thought we could do it.  We want to do a good job and I know you do, too!  We're far from perfect but we are learning and I'm so thankful that God is equipping us through His word and His people!

Christ Alone; Cornerstone

Christ alone; Cornerstone,

Weak made strong; in the Savior's love

Through the storm,

He is Lord, Lord of all.

This has been playing in my head since Sunday morning when we sang it at church.  It's a powerful song. Click on the words to hear it!  But I also wondered a bit about what I was singing.  What is a cornerstone?  A cornerstone is a stone at the corner of a building uniting two intersecting walls.  Such a stone, often inscribed, laid at a ceremony marking the origin of a building.  It was very important in ancient days - being a large stone, the beginning of the structure, that held up the whole building.  So, that stone had utmost importance - everything else was dependent on it being correct and strong.

I love analogies/word pictures.  I love the picture of us (weak stones) held up and made strong by Jesus, who is of utmost importance, correct, strong, level, the origin of us.  The storm called life is blowing all around us, but that Cornerstone will support us.  We can completely depend on Him.  He is our Rock, our Love, our Shelter, our All.

Recently I, and many others, have noticed how 'under attack' Christianity and the church is.  Is the attack getting worse or are we getting worse?  Probably both.

Paul wrote, "There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” (2 Tim. 3:1-5)   

Paul also warned, “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” (2 Tim. 4:3).

We are here for a short time.  Now is the time to link arms with our brothers and sisters in Christ, lay aside our emotions which can not be trusted, believe that Christ is our Cornerstone supporting us in the storm, and run this race together until the day of His return .

"Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord."  (Eph.2:20 NLT, bold type mine)

 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Heb 10:23-25)

Image courtesy of George Stojkovic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Timeless Advice

SOLD and CLOSED!

I just read our pastor's blog a bit ago and enjoyed reading a few scriptures he referenced from Deuteronomy about Moses instructing the people of Israel before they entered the promised land.  I became curious at what all Moses instructed them on, so I looked it up.  

I've compared several aspects of our journey over the past 19 months to what the Israelites experienced - constant/perfect provision from God, grumbling/complaining attitude, the need to remember what God has done for us...  So, I thought it'd be good for me to read up on what God wanted Moses to tell the Israelites after they were finally getting what they had sought after for so long.  He had quite a bit to instruct them on, but a few things stood out to me as timeless advice for us.

• Praise Him and give Him thanks!  When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Deuteronomy 8:10
• Don't forget Who got us here - Who worked it out for us.  Remember!!  Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day.  Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.  He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions.  He brought you water out of hard rock.  He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you.  You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me."  But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. Deuteronomy 8:11-18
• Worship the Lord, obey Him, love Him and serve Him.  And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?  Deuteronomy 10:12-13
• Guard against worshiping other gods - like money, relationships, things, hobbies, etc.  Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. Deuteronomy 11:16
• Intentionally and regularly place the word of God in our hearts and minds and in our kids' hearts and minds.  Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-20

There's really nothing about these instructions that screams 'You-just-got-what-you-wanted-and-God-has-answered-your-prayers - you-had-better-be-on-guard!'  I wouldn't guess that we'd need to be especially on guard, but the Israelites sure were warned about a lot.  We need to take care to continue to cling to God like we have during our journey.  I can see a big exhale coming.  Relaxing...  slacking...  But we can not slack on our relationship with God...ever.  When I relax and am not diligent about guarding my heart and my mind, the devil can get in quietly and damage is done.   

In the past month while starting to relax some and waiting for our closing we have already been attacked in several ways.  We forgot His faithfulness - we started worrying.  But He quickly taught us the importance of revisiting and remembering His loving care for us.  I allowed a 'vacation' to begin once an offer was made on the house - it was unintentional, but it happened.  My reliance on Him relaxed and I wasn't diligent in my time with Him.  Slowly and quietly my mind was eaten up with lies and untruths about almost every area of my life.  Satan said, "Look here, she is relaxing, she is taking a break, and I know where I can get to her and make her ineffective for Christ.'  I was so thankful that last weekend God brought me to familiar scriptures through friends and books that He wanted me to camp on:  Philippians 4:6-9 says, 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -- put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.'

So, yes, this season is ending.  Finally.  Another begins though and we will always have struggles.  Circumstances shouldn't dictate our happiness.  Our faith in God will give us joy if we allow it to.  It has been hard, but God has taught us so much while shaping us into people who reflect Him a bit more clearly.  He has sustained us. God has done great things for us and we will sing for joy!  

Level Complete, Keep Playing!

A few video games have been played in our house this Christmas vacation.  I can hear the kids playing now - or at least the bickering anyway.  Jeff has been trying to complete one over the break, too - even having to listen to some tutorials online about how to get through certain parts.

I'm about the furthest thing from a 'gamer,' but here are a few things I've observed about video games:

• The games are challenging.  If Mario could take a leisurely stroll right up to the Princess without jumping over barrels or worrying about Donkey Kong, what would the point be?  If you could see the end and walk right to it with no bumps along the way - it would probably be considered a pretty lame game.  Would you improve your 'gaming' skills at all?

• Some games are easier if you have someone else to partner up with to help you through, give you hints or cheats, or work together to complete something. (As I hear Emily instructing Evan what to do as they try again.)

• Most games have complex levels/worlds/tasks to complete within the big game.  Once you have completed one, you go on to the next and you don't go back to the one before.

• There is an end, a prize, to all of them.  Whether it is a fun little song or your character dancing around, there is a sense of accomplishment when you have completed all the tasks, mastered all of the side-stories, and defeated all the enemies.

Looking back over this past year, we can probably identify several tasks and side-stories we had to complete and enemies we had to fend off.  We've been given second chances, or new lives, or forgiveness over and over. Other players have come along side us to help us through a hard spot so we didn't get hit in the knees by a rolling barrel or fall off the road into the dark.  We've helped other players, too, realizing that we are all playing together on the same team and for the same attainable prize. We've stumbled, we have fallen, we've made bad decisions, we have done the opposite of what we are supposed to do - and can't explain why.  We have learned something new each time we tried which will make it easier the next time. We have consulted the Writer of the game to see what He suggested we do - and feel privileged that the Creator of the game cares about how we play it.  It's best played if we don't look back to completed tasks, knowing that we can not change what has already been played and it will only distract us from our current performance.  Occasionally we've looked up and have seen the goal and it became downright overwhelming and we wondered if we will ever get there.  We've wondered if we should even continue!  Putting one foot in front of the other, picking up coin after coin monotonously became tiring at times.  Trying to figure out what the next step was has been painful.  We have been reminded that, as chosen players, we have a unique advantage - some 'cheats/help' which are already inside of us - in the form of our Helper.  As we've pressed through in level 2012, we have made improvements in ourselves, our abilities, our wisdom, and our skills. We have gotten one step closer to the prize and more like the One who wrote the game.  Our prize isn't just flashing lights and fun music - although I'm sure there will be a Light and music like none other!  Our prize is the ultimate Prize. And to hear the Writer say, "well played!" will be amazing!

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

You Can Count on Me!

I have always considered it a pet peeve of mine when people agree to do something and then fail to follow through.  It even irritated me when it was that super sweet, pure intentioned mom who volunteered for everything and got most of it done (very haphazardly and somewhat chaotically) but with a completely joyful heart.

Thanks for Giving

A friend and I have been recording what we are thankful for in thankful journals for a few months now.  I haven't been extremely faithful in doing it, but I have noticed that I am more aware and thankful for small blessings than I used to be.

Faith - It Ain't Easy!

We are on the verge of a big change, not sure what it is.  I've not felt this 'unsettled' since before we got the call to move to Charlotte.  I am confused, yet He is making my path pretty clear.  The confusion is just basically not understanding what He is doing.  But who said we need to understand it.   He has closed door after door for me with jobs thus far.  He has made clear our budget and what we can and can not do.

The Important 'Stuff'

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:9-13).

Jesus taught a lot about prayer in Luke 11.  I was thinking about these words - 'ask and it will be given to you' - this past week.

The Right Door & The Good in Every Situation

Where should I start?  I know I need to write and try to figure out some 'truths.'  My mind is swirling like the leaves in the dreary, windy, cool, gray day today.  

I have told many of you over the last few weeks, "my heart is at home still, but I am willing to do what I need to for my family and go where God leads me."  I guess I'm having a hard time as to where God is leading - I know I need to sit back and remain faithful. Sit back - as in BE PATIENT. Nothing new here.  But I also know that I need to continue having action with my faith - continue trying - continue pursuing other ideas, etc. 

Our Daily Bread

I have enjoyed this past week opening up the windows and sleeping with them open, listening to the sounds of nature and the fountain on the pond.  The cool breeze coming in and blowing the curtains gently - so peaceful.  I worked on my craft room this week, making it more of a cozy place and enjoyed sitting in front of the window at my desk and creating some.

Weary and Broken

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 41:28-31

This has been a long two weeks.  Loooonnnggg.  I am tired and weary and am stumbling and falling.  Right now I need to hope in the Lord so that my strength is renewed.  So I can walk, run, and soar over my circumstances and not become bogged down.  I know.  I have heard.  He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth.  He is not someone we can understand.  He does not become tired or weary.  He gives His own strength to the weary and gives His own power to the weak.  I am so thankful that His Spirit is inside of me, picking me up right now as I stumble along.  I need a recharge!

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Ephesians 6:12

On the morning of August 22nd I woke up at 4am with a headache.  It was so dark and quiet in the house.  It was raining.  A steady hard rain.  I was praying myself back to sleep.  Praying about the sell of our house.  God spoke to me.  He said 'soon.'  I knew it was Him...no question.  I was so at peace, thanking Him.

Since that moment, it seems like I have been battling.  The rulers, authorities, and powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil are present and trying to make themselves known - that is not a joke.   I definitely am not battling with any human right now...well, except my flesh maybe.  I know what I believe yet I question myself. I need to claim what I heard and Who I heard it from - He told me that it would be 'soon' - I need to cling to it. The devil is trying to tell me that I didn't hear it or it wasn't Him. He is also letting me entertain feelings of complete hopelessness on the whole situation.

Since that morning...

• Jeff's company had a consulting group (or whatever you call them - probably could insert some not so nice names here!) in to make some 'suggestions' on how to save the company money.  They made some decisions on cutting some jobs/positions out here and there and reorganizing some others.  They have known this for a few weeks now - us knowing that Jeff would find out on August 30th.  What a weight to carry around.  I'm proud of Jeff - he handled it so well - giving it all to God and letting Him have complete control of it instead of worrying day in day out.  He found out yesterday that his position was going to be fine.  I always felt pretty positive about it - Jeff has done wonderful things with his department since he moved here and has been recognized for it.  But you just never know...and being in the situation we are in... Ugh.  So, praise Him for protection for Jeff's job - once again!
• Our church home of 34 years in Indiana went through some hard changes last week - that had most likely been brewing for a few years.  Many mistakes were admittedly made in handling the changes and unfortunately has left many disheartened and so broken.  We are hurting too for the divisiveness this has caused amongst the body.
• Our church home of 9 months in North Carolina went through some hard changes last week.  Our lead pastor stepped down.  There was inconsistency between his behavior and the standard for spiritual leaders as listed in 1 Timothy 3:1-7.  We are so sad - we so enjoyed his preaching.  And so burdened to pray for him and his family.  What is affecting us the most though - the fallout from this - the ripple effect that goes throughout the families in the congregation.  As life group leaders, Jeff and I are in the midst of this - trying to check in on and comfort and encourage our friends and the church leaders.  Jeff has been incredibly strong through this - speaking truth and God's encouragmenet into lives here and in Indiana.  As a couple, we have decided that our church has handled this the best that they could - taking many steps to prevent it from happening, we agree with the plan they have moving forward so that this is less likely to happen again, and we are letting go of the want to know 'what in the world happened??'  There are several couples/people that I feel we have grown closer to through these past few weeks of this hard, sad time.  So, praise Him for giving us friends - once again!
• I still have not heard a thing from the 7 jobs I have applied for.  But, I will praise Him for providing for us, Jeff's job stability, and more time at home!
• Our house has been for sale for 14 month now (minus the few months the renters were in).  This has been where I have struggled the most...for a year now...wow.  God wants me to trust HIM.  Our sense of security and stability should be found in Him, who never changes and never fails - not our situations, our relationships, our finances, our jobs, our homes, our churches... He wants me to learn this and accept this. I am being broken...I do believe.  God and I have been in a tug of war over this for a year.  I am tired.  Of course, He is not pulling  - I am.  He'll let me keep trying to control it.  Our poor realtor got the brunt of my frustrations this week.  I hear suggestions and advice and I think - ah! maybe that will work - maybe that will sell it.  All the while, God is standing patiently right by my side saying - 'Just give it to Me.'  So I give it to Him, I wait a while...then I take it right back...thinking - you aren't doing anything, so I will try.  “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”(Mark 9:24)  I really do believe.  THIS is what spiritual warfare is all about...I believe.  I do!!!  Then self gets in the way.  Then the devil whispers - 'this is hopeless...it's been 14 months!  take action - you need to do something.'  Then I say - "Get away from me."  Then I'm ok for an hour...maybe.  Exhausted.  Weary.  I will persevere.  God gave me encouragement a week and a half ago.  I will NOT let the devil stomp out my hope.  And as our Indiana neighbors celebrate because they just sold their house in about a month so they could relocate out of state, I will choose to celebrate with them.  He can't make us all have cookie-cutter stories and experiences, so our situation is what we need. Them selling quickly is what they need.  I wrestled Him last night for awhile over this...at least it was a nice night out - full moon, pretty fountain to look at - hopefully no mosquito bites - we'll see!
• I went to the doctor for a UTI on Monday, but am feeling much better from the drugs.  Having palpitations though.  I know that is from stress though.  The three day weekend will help I'm sure.
• The kids started school on Monday.  They love their teachers!  I'm so glad.  
• Emily pulled out her last tooth without us knowing and put it under her pillow to see if the Tooth Fairy would come.  Jeff and I talked to her last night and now my baby girl is another step closer to being an adult.  There were tears...mostly hers.  But she accepted things really well.  And once again, Jeff stepped in and did an amazing job explaining things to her.

So thankful that God has provided us with a great community, growing friendships (new and old), a good school, a good job for Jeff.  That my husband has stepped up and been so strong through this since I've struggled.

I may be weak, but Your Spirit's strong in me.  My flesh may fail, but God - You never will.  Give me strength to trust what you say.  That You're good and Your love is great.  I'm broken inside.  I give you my life.
(click on it - it's a song I've been singing over and over and over in my head for weeks...)

Please pray for me to rest in Isaiah 41:28-31...thanks friends.

Renew A Steadfast Spirit Within Me!

Last weekend we took a quick trip to Evansville.  It was fun, got to see our parents and Jenny and Jason, saw a few other friends very quickly, checked on our house, and ate some Turoni's, Hacienda, and Donut Bank.  While there I commented how weird it felt to come back after not living there for a year and it felt so normal there -so routine.  We know every place there, every road, every restaurant, etc.  It is weird to not call a place we know like the back of our hand 'home.'  Yet, it didn't feel like home.  And it was frustrating, yet again, to visit and not have a heavy weight looming on us.  I imagine it will be so nice when our house finally sells.  It will be like the loose ends are tied and we can completely close this chapter.

Jeff and I left Em and Ev in Indiana with some eager grandparents and made our way back home.  It has been quiet here, but I've made friends with our kitties again since the kids aren't hogging them.  We have gone on a few dates.  I made Pad Thai for Jeff one night - something he's wanted me to make again for him for at least a year now!  During the days I've kept busy painting a cool design on the foyer wall that I saw on Pinterest, painting the upstairs bathroom, visiting with my friends Stephanie and Wendy, going for walks, running a few errands.  I'm glad I've had things to keep me busy so it wasn't lonely.  I have applied for six or seven nursing jobs now but haven't heard anything yet.  It's been so quiet I have had plenty of time to be in praise and prayer throughout the week, crying out to Him more than I ever have.  I have experienced several bouts of what must be anxiety (I guess that is what it is - my chest feels like it is going to split open almost!) over the last few weeks when I let my mind wander to the 'what if's' and start worrying about the future. 

Psalm 51:10

For the most part I have had an upbeat attitude and a steadfast trust.  The last few days have been a little rough though and I have let fear and doubt creep in.  It's hard.  I could easily choose to go down the 'it's hopeless' path.  I can not believe it has been a year and here we are - in the same position...  (yes, that was kind of a hopeless thought I just typed - see...)

I also went and ate at Chick-fil-A on Wednesday to show my support to the company's owners who will not deny our God, but lift Him up and bring glory to Him by not being afraid to say that they value and believe and practice what the Bible says.  I applaud him - we all need to be so bold!  And as the world gets worse and worse - as it will - we definitely need to expect that these type of situations will come up more and more. 

2 Timothy 3:1-5 But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

2 Timothy 4:1-5 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage —with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

It has amazed me all of the comments I have read from those who are so lost and so angry and hateful - they need Jesus and they need Him before it is too late.  Not to preach gloom and doom... Sometimes there is a place for personal opinion, but some things are God's doctrine that is not to be twisted for convenience and comfort.  Everyone wants to argue their stance, but the bottom line is - if you have not put your trust in Jesus Christ as your Savior admitting your need for help in this life and turning from your sins - when He comes back for us you will have an eternity to regret it.  Since we have moved to this city (I've never lived in a town larger than 120,000) I am constantly amazed at how many houses are everywhere we look.  There are people everywhere - and we are only in the 18th largest city in America!  There are people everywhere!  And so so so many of them are hurting and lost and have no idea that Jesus died for them.  Now, what do I do about this?  I think Christians took a stand this past week, but there are some who are being self-righteous about it and mean and nasty towards a certain group of people.  That doesn't help anyone!  I pray that God gives me opportunities to use the passion that I have developed over the past year on this subject matter in a way that would cause lost people to see a glimmer of Him.

We don't want to be Ephraimites!

A few of you remember almost a year ago me asking for prayers for us to do what God wanted us to do.  (And if you have kept reading my blog for a year I am super impressed!! LOL)  Yes, it's been almost a year since we've been here in NC.  Unfortunately the loose ends still remain!! 

And so the saga continues... 

The renters/buyers of our home in Indiana can not follow-through.  We were hoping that maybe they just couldn't buy it and would be able to continue renting (since that was covering our mortgage payments) but they are moving out by Monday.  We did have a contract. We will be getting the house ready to go back on the market.  Any prayers would be appreciated!!  We need prayers that we will trust in His plan and fully rely on Him.  Doubt and worry keep creeping in.

I just read about the Ephraimites in the desert this morning and how they first ran off scared when the battle began - even though God had armed them with what they needed and had provided for them in the past. Then they saw a miracle of much needed water gushing from a rock that was struck, but it wasn't good enough and they asked for meat as well.

Psalm 78 ^9-16 The Ephraimites, armed to the teeth,
      ran off when the battle began.
   They were cowards to God's Covenant,
      refused to walk by his Word.
   They forgot what he had done—
      marvels he'd done right before their eyes.
   He performed miracles in plain sight of their parents
      in Egypt, out on the fields of Zoan.
   He split the Sea and they walked right through it;
      he piled the waters to the right and the left.
   He led them by day with a cloud,
      led them all the night long with a fiery torch.
   He split rocks in the wilderness,
      gave them all they could drink from underground springs;
   He made creeks flow out from sheer rock,
      and water pour out like a river.

 ^17-20 All they did was sin even more,
      rebel in the desert against the High God.
   They tried to get their own way with God,
      clamored for favors, for special attention.
   They whined like spoiled children,
      "Why can't God give us a decent meal in this desert?
   Sure, he struck the rock and the water flowed,
      creeks cascaded from the rock.
   But how about some fresh-baked bread?
      How about a nice cut of meat?"

I pray that we will not be like them - that we will remember His faithfulness, that we will not be scared, and that we will not demand more when He already provides for us what we need.  We are ready to trust Him and allow Him to lead us to the promised land in His way.  Please just pray that we can remain steadfast in Him as we face upcoming decisions and financial struggles.  Please pray for clarity.  I am in the process of having my nursing license transferred to NC so that I can search for work, but we have the kids to think of as well - so please just ask that we'd do the right thing and not just panic and do something we shouldn't in this regard.

Our crape myrtle bloomed yesterday.  God has used crape myrtles all throughout our journey to give us peace.

Jeff and I do know that God wanted us here.  If we were in Indiana he would have lost his job.  We have grown tremendously in our faith in the past year.  So, yes, this has drug on and on - the house thing has not gone particularly smoothly, but there IS a plan in this - and we don't have to know the why.  We are called to live not by explanations, but by faith.

It's a New Day!

Happy July!  I can't believe it is July already.  I can't believe that our journey began a year ago in July when Jeff got that phone call!  Wow.  I would not take any of this back.  People have been asking lately whether we feel settled?  Do you like it here?  Yes!  Jeff has felt more at home here than he ever did in our last home.  I feel at home here.  I am settled.  Yes, I like it here.  Is everything perfect and rosy all the time?  No.  In fact, the last few months have been dark for me.

I have spent the last few months feeling sorry for myself...about everything.  I have become someone I really don't like to be around.  I've written about it before, so I won't go into every detail.  I did, however, go into every detail this morning when I confessed it all to God and to Jeff and a friend so that they could pray for me.  I have found that I can not pray lately so I decided to write my prayer, because that I can do.  It worked well.  And because James 5:16  says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." - I confessed my ugliness to two people whom I trust the most to pray for me.  When sin is in the dark it is so powerful.  Bringing it into the light exposes it and the power that it has over you diminishes. 

The end of my prayer went like this:

Lord, I confess each and every one of these ugly sins that disappoint You and me both.  I know that you are a forgiving and loving God and for that I am thankful.  Thank you for forgiving me and please please please help me through this day and the next as I heal from this and move back to the place that I've been in before where these sins are not in charge, but You are.  As I have written my prayer out I know that I need to go back to the basics of relying totally on You for my fulfillment and joy.  Please help me to pour into my relationship with You over the next days.  Help me to take every thought captive and make it obedient to you.  Help me to pour into my family.  And please Lord, help me to see You and to feel loved by You.  Fill me with Your love so that I may overflow - I am receiving it right now.  Psalm 90:14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

I am so excited to report that after I prayed this morning that I felt such a burden lifted.  And I also felt like I should make a phone call and check on a friend who I thought might need it.  Which shouldn't have been a big deal.  But ever since we moved here I have become almost afraid to make that step of making a phone call.  I was reminded this morning by this friend though that I can not sit back and expect things to happen.  God wants us moving and we need to trust that He will lead us right.  We have to take that first step.  So, she was blessed that I noticed and checked on her and I was blessed by her wise words.  And, I could see an answer to prayer immediately - I asked that He would help me to see Him and feel loved by Him.  He sent His love.  It has been so long since I've felt that.  It's been there.  I've just been deadened to it.  I'm sure my sins have prevented me from seeing Him.  My eyes have been closed.  I pray that today is the beginning of my eyes being open again and this season of ugliness being over.  Please pray for me.

The Kissel Happenings

The kids on vacation

The adults on vacation

Evan and Patrick playing at the water park

Kendra and I enjoying a day of girl time in North Carolina!

We've had a pretty good start to the summer.  We enjoyed seeing some friends from Indiana, then we traveled to St. Augustine and enjoyed some time with friends from Washington.  The kids and I have joined the YMCA and have loved the outdoor water parks!  What a blessing to be able to go to a pool any day that we want to -we've never had that luxury before.  We are participating in the library reading program.  Even I have been able to read quite a bit - especially at the pool.  It's been nice.  I've read some really interesting books.  If anyone has read "Uncharted" by Angela Hunt - please let me know!!  I need to discuss this book with someone.  Want to know what you thought!!

Jeff and his group just had their most successful month at work.  Probably has a lot to do with him bribing them with promises of his cooking and baking for them!  He is adjusting to the longer commute to and from work, I think.  His office moved to a different location further from home a couple months ago. 

Jeff and I have agreed to co-lead our LifeGroup after one set of leaders left.  Our group is young and has been through a lot of changes over the last six months or so.  I love that we are leading with a couple originally from Henderson - so that is such a neat bond we have.  I do feel uncertain about this decision at times, but Jeff has really stepped up and is doing a great job with it so far.  My role might just need to be to coordinate and plan stuff - I can do that!  I do think our group is bound to do great things!

A Desert...(not a dessert sadly!)

I wanted to write two days ago.  I started writing 3 or 4 different times.  It just didn't feel right. The majority of my blogs since last August have shown how much I have clung to God and how much my relationship with Him has grown - not that that is why I started my blog or what it has to be about.  It just sort of happened that way.  What a journey spiritually I've been on.  You see, I could not have survived this move without Him.  Anyone who knew me five years ago - even a year ago - would have said "no, she'd never be able to move away from everything she knows."  And they are correct!  I could not - but with Him I could!  While I thought for sure that when we moved last August I was going to be in a depressed and dark place - He took me to a mountain top spiritually - allowing me to cling to Him and experience relationship with Him like never before...and growing my faith tremendously.

But now...we are settled.  The 'time of change' the 'challenging experience' is pretty much over.  Things seem normal.  And now...I am in a valley spiritually.  A desert.  I wish I could say I don't know why.  Any relationship that I don't spend any time with at all is bound to suffer.  So, being the awesome, forgiving, and patient God that He is - He is still right there even though I've not had time for Him.  So I cry out.  Several times over the past few weeks.  Yet, silence.  I know He is there.  I just have not been in constant communion with Him like I was when I felt like I needed Him to survive.  I guess it is humanness to not cling to Him like you are dying when everything is going well and normal and comfortable...  I need Him in order to survive every day though - not just during 'challenging experiences.'  Now, don't get me wrong.  I don't enjoy times of change and hardship - but wow...the comfort I had in Him was like nothing else.  And now that I've been there...I miss it.

Instead of blogging two days ago I read this devotion on Psalm 63, When God Feels Far Away.  Here is a portion of it:

It begins with permission to declare the desert:

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

It begins with a statement of the present reality. But then it moves to a memory:

I have seen you in the
sanctuary

and beheld your power
and your glory.

The Psalmist remembers who God has been, the times that were rich and vibrant and emotionally satisfying. And once he remembers who God is, even if he can’t feel God now, the Psalmist can move forward and praise:

Because your love is
better than life,

my lips will glorify
you.

 Ah...perfect.  

The effects of not spending time with Him don't just end with me not feeling close to Him and missing Him...my whole life is affected!  My last few blogs are evidence.  I have struggled with comparisons, jealousy, depression, anger, a judging spirit, and a need to please man and earn their acceptance.  I've felt confused as to what He wants me to be doing.  I've tried to make my loneliness (from not being with Him) better by eating, shopping, praise from others, busyness, and being a 'part' of things.  This seems like the theme of Ecclesiastes...I've mentioned this before.  Solomon tried to put so many things in that God-sized hole in his heart and none of them worked. 

I confess that I didn't want to blog two days ago, because others in my life seem like they are walking so closely to Him and I am ashamed that I am not.  But, it is normal for all of us to have mountains and valleys and He knows what is best for me.  So, I will put that ungodly comparison out of my mind, mind my own business, and move on.  He is not done with me yet.  He still seems quiet as I start to call out to Him again, but "because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you!"


KISSEL UPDATES:

Emily and Mrs. Plyler

Evan and Mrs. Gordon

Emily and Evan are enjoying their last day of school today!  I will have a fifth grader and a second grader in a few hours...which I can hardly believe.  There are some new families who have moved in across the pond from us and they have kids Emily and Evan's ages - they are thrilled to have some new friends close by!  Emily received an award for being on the honor roll every grading period and she has gotten perfect attendance this year. She competed on the Knowledge Bowl at school, too.  Evan's teacher has kept him in the top of the reading groups in his class this year and seems to have a knack for spelling like his Dad.  I'm so proud of them.  They both have had great experiences this year, as have I, and we have been blessed at this school! 

I agreed to coordinate a Welcome Wagon for our school's new families for next year.  Since it is definitely a passion of mine to connect people to other people for support and encouragement - this fits in perfectly.  As I thought about it I remembered the Ministry to New Mothers theme verse 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  Obviously being in a school it isn't a Christian based group or anything, but my desire for doing this stems from the comfort I received so I can comfort others since I've been there...just like it was for the ministry to moms.  A group of us (10 moms were excited about this!) will be writing up a booklet for new parents this summer.  

Jeff and I celebrated 14 years of marriage on Wednesday. We didn't do anything special...but we did do a lot of reminiscing.  I am so thankful that as we have changed, grown, matured, endured stuff, made mistakes, celebrated, hurt - we have become even closer. The saying is true - "I love you more than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow." Jeff is truly a gift to me...every day.

We are looking very forward to some fun summer weeks ahead, spending time with old friends and new ones!

Same Title 21 Days Later...

So, twenty-one days ago I wrote the blog entitled 'Stop searching for more, Amy!'  I'm still looking...looking everywhere...for something to make me happier.  It is so dang stupid too!!  We are still on the book of Ecclesiastes in church - learning about how silly Solomon was to try everything he did to try to make himself happy.  And in our Bible Study we just studied a chapter on being content.  Am I learning anything? 

A week ago I realized I had begun being very envious of others.  Comparing my life to theirs is what I was doing - I wanted what they had or were getting.  Why can't I fit in here as well as she is fitting in there?  Why can't I do that to make myself look prettier?  Why can't my entire family participate in that event together?  Why can't my husband be as Godly as that husband appears to be?   Wow...really?  Yeah...  I know, pretty sad.  Hopefully I'm not the only one that has ever been stuck in this nasty cycle.

Envy and comparing ourselves to others just leads to discontent. 

Galatians 6:4  Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.

Romans 12:6 ... let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 ...make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands...

Hebrews 13:5  Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

Father, forgive me for comparing myself to others and wishing I was different or had more.  I should be minding my own business and remembering that You provide me with all my 'needs' and You will never leave or forsake me.  Help me to be content in my circumstances.  I long for joy to return...for simplicity.  Lord, direct my paths and lead me in the ways You want for me.  Show me where to prune and where you want me to grow!

Life has been a complete whirlwind.  I don't think I was even this busy ever in Indiana.  And I'm not saying this in a good way!!  I have not enjoyed being this strung out...not at all.  It is NOT all it's cracked up to be, people!  And I won't be doing it again.  I felt so out of control.  I couldn't remember my address the other day when asked, I was 20 minutes late to a dentist appointment because I couldn't keep it straight, I ended up sick (big surprise, right?), it just is too much.  Maybe most people can do it...I can't.  Let me take that back - I can - but it is not worth the sacrifices I make in the other areas of my life.

Evan taking a swing during practice

Part of the cafeteria for the Silent Auction

Here's some of the latest.  Evan's baseball this season was really fun.  He had a really great coach - one who was more into making it fun for the boys and teaching them the basics than winning at all costs (which holy cow is it big time out here with baseball.!!!)  His last game was Sunday when they lost the third game in the tournament.  Emily's soccer this season was an awful experience for all of us.  Emily became so discouraged with the lack of direction from the coach, as well as his yelling approach.  Her last game was yesterday too, but after she left the field in tears on Saturday we decided that that was enough and did not attend the game yesterday.  The Spring Fling was Friday, as well as Evan's 8th birthday!  The day was long - was at school for over 14 hours on my feet working.  It was so fun to be a part of things though and to get to know so many other moms at the school.  The auction was a success raising around ten thousand dollars!  I love doing it, but will need so much more than just one other person helping next year in order for me to participate...I just was doing too much of it.  Bible Study has gone well.  Our last meeting was this morning.  None of us know what the fall holds as far as scheduling, so I am not sure that we will continue meeting or not.  I will be praying a lot about this, but I am not positive that I will continue.  Emily had her end of grade testing last week and did fantastic.  We are going to enjoy some girl time tomorrow evening and get our hair cut.  

Em looking cute in Jeff's hat

Went back to the doctor last Tuesday.  The ultrasound showed that the bigger cyst on my ovary is gone - which is what they thought would happen.  But...the smaller one that they thought was the endometrioma - it grew and got bigger.  Big enough to cause some pain - but not huge.  So...now...he said it will probably not go away - most likely will stay this size or continue growing.  So...he said we could go ahead with surgery or wait and see if I have any more issues.  I opted to wait and see.  Will go back in 4 months for another ultrasound unless I decide in the mean time that I can't handle the pain.  And of course, I haven't had any pain since about 2 weeks ago when it was so bad I was about to call.

Friday night we will be able to have some friends of ours stay with us overnight as they travel to South Carolina.  We are planning a big breakfast for Saturday morning and lots of catching up to do!  Tyrone and Lynette left Evansville around the time we did last summer and began their new adventures in Arkansas.

The kids have three weeks of school left.  We then will have Matthew and Kendra here with their family!!  And then we will be traveling to St. Augustine, Florida for vacation and meeting up with Scott and Jill and family!  We are so excited to be seeing our friends!  At some point this summer we plan to come to Indiana for a weekend and drop the kids off - my parents bringing them home in a week.  Jeff and I might just have to check out Charleston, SC for a few nights while we have the alone time. We are also joining the YMCA here - they have an outdoor pool/water park.  Our neighborhood eventually will have a pool but we have to have more houses built still, so not this summer!  I look forward to a lazy summer!!