I have spent the last few months feeling sorry for myself...about everything. I have become someone I really don't like to be around. I've written about it before, so I won't go into every detail. I did, however, go into every detail this morning when I confessed it all to God and to Jeff and a friend so that they could pray for me. I have found that I can not pray lately so I decided to write my prayer, because that I can do. It worked well. And because James 5:16 says "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." - I confessed my ugliness to two people whom I trust the most to pray for me. When sin is in the dark it is so powerful. Bringing it into the light exposes it and the power that it has over you diminishes.
The end of my prayer went like this:
Lord, I confess each and every one of these ugly sins that disappoint You and me both. I know that you are a forgiving and loving God and for that I am thankful. Thank you for forgiving me and please please please help me through this day and the next as I heal from this and move back to the place that I've been in before where these sins are not in charge, but You are. As I have written my prayer out I know that I need to go back to the basics of relying totally on You for my fulfillment and joy. Please help me to pour into my relationship with You over the next days. Help me to take every thought captive and make it obedient to you. Help me to pour into my family. And please Lord, help me to see You and to feel loved by You. Fill me with Your love so that I may overflow - I am receiving it right now. Psalm 90:14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.I am so excited to report that after I prayed this morning that I felt such a burden lifted. And I also felt like I should make a phone call and check on a friend who I thought might need it. Which shouldn't have been a big deal. But ever since we moved here I have become almost afraid to make that step of making a phone call. I was reminded this morning by this friend though that I can not sit back and expect things to happen. God wants us moving and we need to trust that He will lead us right. We have to take that first step. So, she was blessed that I noticed and checked on her and I was blessed by her wise words. And, I could see an answer to prayer immediately - I asked that He would help me to see Him and feel loved by Him. He sent His love. It has been so long since I've felt that. It's been there. I've just been deadened to it. I'm sure my sins have prevented me from seeing Him. My eyes have been closed. I pray that today is the beginning of my eyes being open again and this season of ugliness being over. Please pray for me.
The Kissel Happenings
|The kids on vacation|
|The adults on vacation|
|Evan and Patrick playing at the water park|
|Kendra and I enjoying a day of girl time in North Carolina!|
Jeff and his group just had their most successful month at work. Probably has a lot to do with him bribing them with promises of his cooking and baking for them! He is adjusting to the longer commute to and from work, I think. His office moved to a different location further from home a couple months ago.
Jeff and I have agreed to co-lead our LifeGroup after one set of leaders left. Our group is young and has been through a lot of changes over the last six months or so. I love that we are leading with a couple originally from Henderson - so that is such a neat bond we have. I do feel uncertain about this decision at times, but Jeff has really stepped up and is doing a great job with it so far. My role might just need to be to coordinate and plan stuff - I can do that! I do think our group is bound to do great things!