My Story - A New Creation!

My Senior Picture

Practice makes perfect!  Well, maybe not...but it does help.  God wants me to practice telling my story evidently.  In the past two weeks I've shared my story three times.  Each time I'm becoming more passionate about telling it...and better.  It has taken me years to be able to articulate it sensibly -- and also for me to even make sense of the why's and how's.

I grew up knowing that God existed and created the earth and there was a heaven.  That's where my knowledge ended and the lies began.  Lies of who I was.  As I made my way through junior high and high school, I was rejected repeatedly by friends and enemies.  I was bullied and picked on by boys and girls a like.  I was told that I was going to get my butt kicked more than once - never knowing what the reasons were.  I was a good girl, a pretty girl, and a talented girl - which most likely added fuel to the fire.  I was also painfully shy.  I was scared to talk to the popular kids for fear of more rejection.  Every time I was called a name or something was said about me, I put it on like a piece of clothing.  Soon I had layers and layers and layers on me.  I allowed those comments to define me.  I did have some sweet friends and a loving family - so life wasn't awful by any means, but those comments are what I allowed myself to focus on.

As a 15 year old girl who more than anything wanted to be accepted, I was thrilled to begin dating a boy a year older than I.  The following four years I believed him as he told me I was not thin enough, not in shape enough, not smart enough, and not pretty enough.  He never actually hit me, but it hurt like it sometimes.  He said no one else would ever have me.  I believed him.  I wanted to marry him...I begged him to marry me.

I was always searching for something to make the pain less/to fill that gaping hole inside of me.  Whether it be 'love' from others, succeeding in whatever I was doing, or doing whatever everyone else was doing in order to just fit in and be accepted.  I was miserable a lot and wanted to die more than a few times.  I had developed a fear of rejection and a pretty ugly addiction to approval.

My boyfriend of four years left me with no self-confidence, damaged, and used, God sent me a friend to help me through the pain.  Jeff loved me and accepted me in a way I had not experienced yet.  Before long we were in love and starting our premarital counseling at his church.  During that time a question was asked:

If you died today, would you go to heaven?      Yes    No   Maybe

Well, I believed in God, but was that enough?  I was a pretty nice person.  I really didn't know the answer, so I circled maybe.  Over the next few days I was introduced to Jesus - who was a substitute for the sins I had committed - past and future.  I gave my life to Him, asked Him for forgiveness, knowing I needed a Savior - someone to direct my path.

A New Creation

The past 16 years or so of having Jesus in my life, He has shown me who I really am.  He has opened my eyes to the lies I believed as truth.  I was blessed to have a mentor counsel me through a lot of the hard parts of it!  It has been a process, but one that I am so thankful for!  Every single area of my life was affected by the lies I believed.  I am not worthless.  I am not damaged and used.  I am not what those kids said I was.  He says I am precious to Him and loved.(Isaiah 43:4)  I am significant.  He created me for a purpose. (Ephesians 2:10)  He wanted me.  I have a new life in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17) and He has forgiven me of my sins.  I no longer have to search for something to fill that hole inside of me to make me feel better.  He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of me and fill that space. (Acts 2:38)  When I feel down - He is always there - He will never leave me.  (Deut. 31:8)  I am completely accepted by Him through Jesus - so I never have to worry when I am rejected by others.  I have confidence through Christ. (2 Corinthians 3:4-6)

This is just a bit of what God says about me.  You know what?  He says it about you, too!  Check out this list of truth - it's one that I love reading over and instilling in myself and my kids whenever I get a chance.  Who I Am In Christ.  <---Click on it.

As I was tucking Emily into bed last week, she asked me if I had ever been bullied when I was her age.  I shared my entire story with her.  I also was able to tell her that what those kids at school say about her is not who she is.  She is defined by her Maker and He says wonderful things about who she is.  I was so in awe of God's timing.  I had to prepare and share 'my story' to a group of ladies at church for a leadership group.  Just a few days later I had the opportunity to share with Emily and pray for those who are treating her meanly.  Then I shared again during a women's Bible study last week how I had developed a fear of rejection and how God helped me overcome it.  He is giving me some opportunities to practice.  "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have."  (1 Peter 3:15)  He asked me to prepare and He will guide me in the rest.

No matter what junk is in your past, God can use it to grow you and shape you and to help others.  He can turn the pain into joy and the tears into laughter.  "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." (Psalm 30:5).  I've seen it first hand and I want you to experience it too!  You can be created anew, too!



I encourage you to check out this video on youtube that a sweet sister in Christ sent after I shared in my Bible study last week:  Video about God's Love

What are You Doing God?

Relief mixed with fear, embarrassment, and pain as I read the email last week.  The job that I had applied for and interviewed for with five different people - the one that I was qualified for and had experience in - was not going to be mine.  As I continued with my quiet day at home, I took a few moments before I told anyone and asked Him, "What are you doing God?"

You Can Count on Me!

I have always considered it a pet peeve of mine when people agree to do something and then fail to follow through.  It even irritated me when it was that super sweet, pure intentioned mom who volunteered for everything and got most of it done (very haphazardly and somewhat chaotically) but with a completely joyful heart.

Faith - It Ain't Easy!

We are on the verge of a big change, not sure what it is.  I've not felt this 'unsettled' since before we got the call to move to Charlotte.  I am confused, yet He is making my path pretty clear.  The confusion is just basically not understanding what He is doing.  But who said we need to understand it.   He has closed door after door for me with jobs thus far.  He has made clear our budget and what we can and can not do.

Stretched Thin

The hard work and blisters are paying off...

Notice there is now a house next door - almost done!

I have been a busy bee lately!  Whew!  I keep getting comments that I am 'glowing' or 'tan already' - someone asked if we'd been on vacation - just in my backyard...and the ballpark!  The landscaping is coming a long nicely.  I hung white lights up on the deck and with the speakers out there and the almost 24 hrs of shade and nice view it is something we are enjoying a ton already!  Next step for the backyard - some trees - big ones!!  Our grass in the backyard might be a hopeless cause.  It is so rocky...and dry.  We enjoyed several days outside in the backyard and on the deck with Jason, Robyn, AJ, and Jillian while they were visiting this past week.  They drove 12 hours from northern Indiana to come see us.  We have known Jason and Robyn since before we were married.  They are like family to us -- being a part of our lives through a lot of stuff.  We were all so excited to see them drive up.  We enjoyed showing them around, taking them to a soccer game, baseball game, church, Bible Study, pedicures, frozen yogurt, playing Draw Something on our phones, flying kites, having taco night, and just hanging out.  It was a great week.

I've had lunch with two of the girls from our LifeGroup over the past two weeks - that has been fun!  This weekend we are having fellowship time and a lunch together.  Emily has started soccer games now and Evan is playing one or two baseball games a week.  We got to go out with Steve and Wendy and their family also - tried Dippin' Dots for the first time!  LOL  I've been working on setting up our online auction for the Spring Fling that will be coming up in May.  Thankfully I am done volunteering with the after-school program for Tae Kwon Do - it wasn't hard - just more time spent.  

I had a really great Monday at my women's Bible Study this week!  Robyn came along and there was also a new girl that joined who is younger than all of us and single.  My desire is for our group to be very diverse with women in all stages of life so we can all encourage and mentor one another.  We met at a coffee shop this time and it was just really good.  I really enjoyed it.  I feel like God is helping me to feel more comfortable and giving me a renewed excitement for the group.  God's got good things planned - as usual.

Unfortunately, I really feel stretched thin right now.  I am not quite sure how I have ended up so busy - we are new here - I figured I'd be sitting twiddling my thumbs for the first year at least!  Just because I'm busy (or anyone else) doesn't mean I'm in a good spot though.  I seriously am having issues feeling in control of my schedule, my time, etc.  I am tired, so I can't get up in the morning, so I don't have my quiet times (which I desperately need), then I get only a few things accomplished during the day, feel behind on a bunch of stuff, and fall into bed tired.  Repeat.  I am missing my time with Him...must get back.  I don't have a routine yet...still.  I probably said 'yes' to a few too many things too quickly when we got here - I wanted to meet people and get involved.  Good is not always best though.  Right now, I am praying for guidance.  I want to be involved and every time that ANYthing comes up that remotely sounds like something I'd enjoy I have a desire to do it.  But then a lot of days I wish I had nothing to do so I could spend the day at home.  Not sure what is going on- what the correct balance is... have a feeling of being out of control and barely hanging on a lot of the time!  Confused and ready to just settle into normalcy and routine here.

Lord, please lead me to the right places, the right ways to be involved, the right use of my time.  More importantly, please help me to make time with You the most important and the non-negotiable part of my days.