What are You Doing God?

Relief mixed with fear, embarrassment, and pain as I read the email last week.  The job that I had applied for and interviewed for with five different people - the one that I was qualified for and had experience in - was not going to be mine.  As I continued with my quiet day at home, I took a few moments before I told anyone and asked Him, "What are you doing God?" His plan for today is for me to not have that job and for me to be at home (where my heart really is) and for us to trust Him to provide for us.  I am still struggling with not knowing the plan for next week, next month, and so on.  I have prayed throughout this job hunt for His guidance and for His will to be done.  At this point, after being rejected by two nursing jobs after interviews and numerous rejections before even talking to me, I am wondering if it is His plan for me to be at home?  But, then I look at the extra mortgage payment coming back in the spring when our renters move on, and the extra expenses that pop up every week...is that responsible of me to sit back?  Praying, praying, praying.  Praying for guidance and satisfaction of our needs and for strength.  The verse below was posted on facebook last week by a sister in Christ I've not met yet at our church - God wanted to remind me of His promise that He will ALWAYS guide us, satisfy us, and strengthen us!  So, that question that I asked Him - "What are you doing God?" was answered...

"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail" Is. 58:11

The anonymous gift we were on the receiving end of last month - I said I wanted to be like that 'when we are in a better place financially.'  I don't think that is what He wants.  He wants us to trust Him and be generous when we see a need now.  He will provide for us.  He will.  Since a powerful sermon series on giving at the beginning of this year we have been faithfully tithing to Him - but we have not moved on beyond that.  I want to.  I want the flood gates of heaven to pour out.  I want to bless people over and over and over.  So there it is - I want that.  Then, in the next moment, I want two $250 coffee-brown rattan chairs for our living room, a Jamaican vacation with Jeff, and a new laptop.  Obviously this must be the next thing God is looking to work on in me.  Giving with a joyful heart and not storing up treasures on earth.  It is more blessed to give than to receive - Lord, let this become what I believe and live by with every fiber of my being!

Jeff reminded me how cool it is that God always comes through - there is always a gift or a refund or a discount or something and we always have enough.  He is certainly satisfying our needs in this sun-scorched land.  This world sure can cause us to feel burnt and painful.  When we are immersed in Him though we are like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.  He is refreshing.  The world is scorching. 

I remind myself of others in situations whom would gladly swap spots with us and our 'problems.'  Jeff suggested I get out of the house last night to get some groceries.  I've been at home for over a week as several germ bugs have made their way through the family.  I'm sure it was more for my sanity and the well-being of the others in the house than the lack of food in the house.  I don't generally frequent stores at 8:30 on a week night.  I browsed the aisles with those who work all day, pick up their baby from day care, get their groceries with their government assistance and still have to get home and clean up and get the baby down and get up and do it all over again.  I am blessed.  My family, other than this nasty virus, is healthy.  I'm not taking one of them for chemo or radiation.  My children are well-adjusted and well-behaved for the most part.  I have a warm place to lay my head each night.  What do I have to worry about?  My problems are wee!  Yet, God is using these 'big in our eyes' problems as opportunities for us to lean on Him, to trust Him completely, to allow Him to lead and give us the strength.  He is an awesome God.  When other people have real problems out there - He is still so intimately involved in our wee problems - showing us daily how much He loves us.  And as I am reminded of how much He has done for us already, I let go...  Forgive me God as I try to make it all work on my own strength.  Please bless us financially solely for us to be generous - spreading your love to all.  Change my heart.  Amen.