Rich or Poor, God I Want You More

I absolutely love it when God speaks to me through every sermon, lesson, song, scripture, cute facebook captioned picture, and so on -- all having the same message!  He knows it takes that much for me to slow down, quiet down and see what He's trying to tell me.  I'm so thankful, however, that He doesn't give up on me, because what He's telling me right now is not something new... He's told me this same thing over and over.  I often wonder why Jeff and I have to tell our kids every single day to hang up their towels and put their dirty clothes in the hamper, but other things we tell them once and they remember, obey and do it??  But, we don't disown them or give up on them because of it...although at times it irritates me to no end.  God doesn't give up on me even though He's having to remind me of the same things yet again.

My women's bible study group is doing Beth Moore's study on Daniel right now.  I've learned a lot about Babylonia and how it was a me-centered society with a lot of glitz and glitter and must-haves.  Sounds a lot like today, huh?  Yup.  One of the last times my parents visited us they said something that included 'you guys live in a very rich area.'  Just stating a fact in a passing statement.  But, I honestly hadn't looked at it that way.  Now, I'm not saying this to brag so stick with me!  I wondered at times since we've been here how we exactly 'fit in' in this area - we aren't rich!  (With money anyway)  As I look back I know I've always struggled with jealousy...it always has looked better 'over there.'  And, now I'm saturated in it.  As I drive to the store I pass house after house that I would have considered mansions a few years ago.  I look at their perfect manicured lawn and pine needle garden, all brick home and sigh.  I walk into the grocery and notice her name brand clothes and purse.  I hear about the private lessons this son or daughter is taking and the third vacation of the year at the beach house.  I try in my own strength to be okay with that and accepting of the place we are in.  Because oh my goodness, how we are blessed!!!  We are SO blessed.  The truth is, there will always be someone who has more.  But to be perfectly content...it takes more than my own strength.  It takes the Spirit's - He's inside me and He is my Helper and wants me to rise above any circumstance I'm in - taking my eyes off of my surroundings and keeping them focused on the One who blesses.  

In the book, "Let. It. Go.: How to Stop Running the Show and Start Walking in Faith" by Karen Ehman, which I just read for our book group, Karen says this:   "No two ways about it.  True godly contentment is unavailable in microwave form; it needs to be patiently and purposefully cultivated.  We must cease making comparisons and instead embrace our current lot in life - our past, present, and future - welcoming all that God will teach us through it.  Only then we will discover the secret Paul knew -- that true contentment isn't merely having what we want; it's wanting nothing more than what we already have."

Last night a friend from cold snowy Michigan posted this on facebook: 

Sitting on the beach, enjoying it all. Thinking "Gosh, if only we lived here."
Chatting with a local who visited an area of snow. She said "my poor children. I feel like they are missing out on life."
Reality is....we must choose to be happy wherever we are. Or the grass will always seem greener ( or the snow. Or the sand....)

There's some wisdom there, huh?

Today my devotion was centered on the parables that Jesus taught in Matthew 13.  Verse 22 is Jesus telling us what He meant in verse 7 about the seeds that fell among thorns that choked them.  He says, "As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful."  I, of course, have never noticed this and know it was saved for me for this moment this morning.  I hear the word of God but I also care about the world and what is in it and what I have or don't have.  Riches are deceitful - you think they will bring you happiness, but it doesn't last and so then you move on to your next purchase or want.  And worst of all...I'm unfruitful, unable to be used by God, while I'm tangled up in this longing, chasing of happiness through the world.  

Sunday we sang a song at church called "All We Need" by Charlie Hall.   Wow, thank you Lord.  I will declare moment by moment this prayer...it is a daily, conscious choice to be content, keeping You at the center of my focus and desire.  Thank You for all of these little whispers from You lately....

Rich or poor

Rich or poor God I want You more

Than anything that glitters in this world

Be my all, all consuming fire

You can have it all

You can have all my hands can hold

My heart, mind, strength and soul

Be my all, all consuming fire

Because we have all we need in You

And all we need is You

All we need is You

Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

He is Doing a New Thing!

Don't you love this time of year?  I love getting back into a routine after school starts.  New school supplies, new Bible studies, new opportunities, groups, clubs.  God's all about changes and seasons and newness, too.  He may let us stay in one place for awhile, but He'll usually at some point pick us up and turn us around and pat our back in a different direction.  'Ok, you've done what I want you to in this place, now I need you to go over here for awhile.'  Or 'Girl, you are spinning your wheels and I never even told you to go that way...how about you go this way now.'  (Just so you know I have a picture of a wind-up toy stuck up against a wall in my head right now!)  Sometimes it is a big relief when things finally change.  Sometimes you know it is the path He wants you on, but it is one of the hardest things you'll ever do.

Visiting with a few of my sisters in Christ in Indiana this July!

As those parts of my heart have healed mostly from moving away from my family, friends, work, church, and community - I was finally able to have a relaxing visit in my hometown this summer and call upon friends to meet up and I didn't feel like my heart was going to be shredded to pieces while doing so!  But other places in my heart are still raw.  Over the past two years He's had me on a few different roads and I've stopped and started and trudged along and recently really felt lost on the foggy road.  Disconnect and loneliness was really taking a toll on me.  The rabbit trails I had taken on my own since being here were not filling the void - even though I tried hard.  This summer was full of fun family time but it was also hard on me emotionally as I felt so alone.  Depression.  God was always there though.   Sometimes waiting on God to change our season is so hard!  Here is what to remember during the wait though!   2 Corinthians 4:17:  "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!"

The last few weeks have been lighter, my outlook has changed.  I'm looking forward to so much!  I'm a part of things - not just in them - but a part of them.  He is directing our family on a few different paths than what we were on.  He's pushing me out of my comfort zone in a few ways that makes me have butterflies in my belly and a smile on my face at the same time when thinking of actually doing what I've said I'll do!   He's providing blessings of uplifting conversations and new friendships and connections - encouragement.  Maybe it was all there before - it probably, actually was.  The eyes of my heart may have been hardened and closed.  Yes, Lamentations 3:22-23 says "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  His compassion, love and faithfulness is always with us - new every morning for us.  He remains the same.  I just was not in a place of recognizing it.

God encouraged me this morning with Isaiah 43:19 while doing a Bible study.  "See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  I've read it before, loved it, was encouraged by it.  But it came alive and personal again this morning.  It's a promise.  And it was Him talking to me.  I can sense the change lately.  I can sense the newness.  I can sense the excitement.  And the hope!

Do I feel happy all the time?  Is everything just peachy in my life?  No!  But to have hope and a promise of a new thing...and a promise that seasons change and don't last forever...  To have a God who is personal enough and loves me enough to point out to me this morning that it is He who is taking care of me and changing things - "See??  I am doing a new thing!"  To give me hope...

Thank you Jesus...thank you...

My Primary Concern

I grabbed the book "After The Boxes Are Unpacked" off of my shelf again this weekend.  It's been almost two years, so I felt a little weird...but there was a chapter tucked away just for me still.  Chapter 11 'A Place in Your Heart Called Loneliness' was just what I needed.  How many times lately have I said I'm lonely?  Ugh.  I'm so tired of it.  This little nugget of advice is what I needed to read:

Don't try to fill up your life with people, things, or activities to escape from loneliness.  The emptiness you feel should first be filled by God; then He will bring the right people into your life to ease the loneliness. 

Similarly, my sweet sister-in-law just suggested a month or so ago that maybe God was wanting more of me.  More of my time.  I think she was onto something there!  

My sweet sister

Advice that would have been helpful two years ago probably.  Did I jump in too fast?  I was afraid of becoming lonely when we moved here so I did everything I could to get involved, filling my life with people and activities.  I did what I do best and took control and tried to make things work.  Some of those activities proved to not be the best for me and slowly I'm seeing bit by bit where I fit in.  It is definitely slow-going though.  And I have to guard against comparing how others have adjusted in less time.  Now that my life isn't as noisy, I can tell I'm missing something.  It's not ice cream, even though I've unfortunately tried to fill it with that!  I can't live my life being dissatisfied with my circumstances and where God has me and longing for what I don't have.  I must take this pain to my Father, who knows what it is like to be lonely, and make Him my all...and He promises to give me what I need.  Luke 12:31 promises, 'He will give you all you need from day to day if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.'  

Father, please help me to believe your promise in Luke.  Help me to make You and You alone my primary concern!!

Timeless Advice

SOLD and CLOSED!

I just read our pastor's blog a bit ago and enjoyed reading a few scriptures he referenced from Deuteronomy about Moses instructing the people of Israel before they entered the promised land.  I became curious at what all Moses instructed them on, so I looked it up.  

I've compared several aspects of our journey over the past 19 months to what the Israelites experienced - constant/perfect provision from God, grumbling/complaining attitude, the need to remember what God has done for us...  So, I thought it'd be good for me to read up on what God wanted Moses to tell the Israelites after they were finally getting what they had sought after for so long.  He had quite a bit to instruct them on, but a few things stood out to me as timeless advice for us.

• Praise Him and give Him thanks!  When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Deuteronomy 8:10
• Don't forget Who got us here - Who worked it out for us.  Remember!!  Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day.  Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.  He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions.  He brought you water out of hard rock.  He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you.  You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me."  But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today. Deuteronomy 8:11-18
• Worship the Lord, obey Him, love Him and serve Him.  And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?  Deuteronomy 10:12-13
• Guard against worshiping other gods - like money, relationships, things, hobbies, etc.  Be careful, or you will be enticed to turn away and worship other gods and bow down to them. Deuteronomy 11:16
• Intentionally and regularly place the word of God in our hearts and minds and in our kids' hearts and minds.  Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. Deuteronomy 11:18-20

There's really nothing about these instructions that screams 'You-just-got-what-you-wanted-and-God-has-answered-your-prayers - you-had-better-be-on-guard!'  I wouldn't guess that we'd need to be especially on guard, but the Israelites sure were warned about a lot.  We need to take care to continue to cling to God like we have during our journey.  I can see a big exhale coming.  Relaxing...  slacking...  But we can not slack on our relationship with God...ever.  When I relax and am not diligent about guarding my heart and my mind, the devil can get in quietly and damage is done.   

In the past month while starting to relax some and waiting for our closing we have already been attacked in several ways.  We forgot His faithfulness - we started worrying.  But He quickly taught us the importance of revisiting and remembering His loving care for us.  I allowed a 'vacation' to begin once an offer was made on the house - it was unintentional, but it happened.  My reliance on Him relaxed and I wasn't diligent in my time with Him.  Slowly and quietly my mind was eaten up with lies and untruths about almost every area of my life.  Satan said, "Look here, she is relaxing, she is taking a break, and I know where I can get to her and make her ineffective for Christ.'  I was so thankful that last weekend God brought me to familiar scriptures through friends and books that He wanted me to camp on:  Philippians 4:6-9 says, 'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -- put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.'

So, yes, this season is ending.  Finally.  Another begins though and we will always have struggles.  Circumstances shouldn't dictate our happiness.  Our faith in God will give us joy if we allow it to.  It has been hard, but God has taught us so much while shaping us into people who reflect Him a bit more clearly.  He has sustained us. God has done great things for us and we will sing for joy!  

My Story - A New Creation!

My Senior Picture

Practice makes perfect!  Well, maybe not...but it does help.  God wants me to practice telling my story evidently.  In the past two weeks I've shared my story three times.  Each time I'm becoming more passionate about telling it...and better.  It has taken me years to be able to articulate it sensibly -- and also for me to even make sense of the why's and how's.

I grew up knowing that God existed and created the earth and there was a heaven.  That's where my knowledge ended and the lies began.  Lies of who I was.  As I made my way through junior high and high school, I was rejected repeatedly by friends and enemies.  I was bullied and picked on by boys and girls a like.  I was told that I was going to get my butt kicked more than once - never knowing what the reasons were.  I was a good girl, a pretty girl, and a talented girl - which most likely added fuel to the fire.  I was also painfully shy.  I was scared to talk to the popular kids for fear of more rejection.  Every time I was called a name or something was said about me, I put it on like a piece of clothing.  Soon I had layers and layers and layers on me.  I allowed those comments to define me.  I did have some sweet friends and a loving family - so life wasn't awful by any means, but those comments are what I allowed myself to focus on.

As a 15 year old girl who more than anything wanted to be accepted, I was thrilled to begin dating a boy a year older than I.  The following four years I believed him as he told me I was not thin enough, not in shape enough, not smart enough, and not pretty enough.  He never actually hit me, but it hurt like it sometimes.  He said no one else would ever have me.  I believed him.  I wanted to marry him...I begged him to marry me.

I was always searching for something to make the pain less/to fill that gaping hole inside of me.  Whether it be 'love' from others, succeeding in whatever I was doing, or doing whatever everyone else was doing in order to just fit in and be accepted.  I was miserable a lot and wanted to die more than a few times.  I had developed a fear of rejection and a pretty ugly addiction to approval.

My boyfriend of four years left me with no self-confidence, damaged, and used, God sent me a friend to help me through the pain.  Jeff loved me and accepted me in a way I had not experienced yet.  Before long we were in love and starting our premarital counseling at his church.  During that time a question was asked:

If you died today, would you go to heaven?      Yes    No   Maybe

Well, I believed in God, but was that enough?  I was a pretty nice person.  I really didn't know the answer, so I circled maybe.  Over the next few days I was introduced to Jesus - who was a substitute for the sins I had committed - past and future.  I gave my life to Him, asked Him for forgiveness, knowing I needed a Savior - someone to direct my path.

A New Creation

The past 16 years or so of having Jesus in my life, He has shown me who I really am.  He has opened my eyes to the lies I believed as truth.  I was blessed to have a mentor counsel me through a lot of the hard parts of it!  It has been a process, but one that I am so thankful for!  Every single area of my life was affected by the lies I believed.  I am not worthless.  I am not damaged and used.  I am not what those kids said I was.  He says I am precious to Him and loved.(Isaiah 43:4)  I am significant.  He created me for a purpose. (Ephesians 2:10)  He wanted me.  I have a new life in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17) and He has forgiven me of my sins.  I no longer have to search for something to fill that hole inside of me to make me feel better.  He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of me and fill that space. (Acts 2:38)  When I feel down - He is always there - He will never leave me.  (Deut. 31:8)  I am completely accepted by Him through Jesus - so I never have to worry when I am rejected by others.  I have confidence through Christ. (2 Corinthians 3:4-6)

This is just a bit of what God says about me.  You know what?  He says it about you, too!  Check out this list of truth - it's one that I love reading over and instilling in myself and my kids whenever I get a chance.  Who I Am In Christ.  <---Click on it.

As I was tucking Emily into bed last week, she asked me if I had ever been bullied when I was her age.  I shared my entire story with her.  I also was able to tell her that what those kids at school say about her is not who she is.  She is defined by her Maker and He says wonderful things about who she is.  I was so in awe of God's timing.  I had to prepare and share 'my story' to a group of ladies at church for a leadership group.  Just a few days later I had the opportunity to share with Emily and pray for those who are treating her meanly.  Then I shared again during a women's Bible study last week how I had developed a fear of rejection and how God helped me overcome it.  He is giving me some opportunities to practice.  "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have."  (1 Peter 3:15)  He asked me to prepare and He will guide me in the rest.

No matter what junk is in your past, God can use it to grow you and shape you and to help others.  He can turn the pain into joy and the tears into laughter.  "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." (Psalm 30:5).  I've seen it first hand and I want you to experience it too!  You can be created anew, too!



I encourage you to check out this video on youtube that a sweet sister in Christ sent after I shared in my Bible study last week:  Video about God's Love

Our Daily Bread

I have enjoyed this past week opening up the windows and sleeping with them open, listening to the sounds of nature and the fountain on the pond.  The cool breeze coming in and blowing the curtains gently - so peaceful.  I worked on my craft room this week, making it more of a cozy place and enjoyed sitting in front of the window at my desk and creating some.

Some of What I've Learned

A year ago today we left the comforts of a lifetime in Indiana cornfields and drove to the blue skies of North Carolina. We went through some crazy emotions of loneliness, sadness, anger, excitement, happiness, and jealousy.  We got used to setting our GPS every time we went anywhere.  We got used to introducing ourselves and telling where we came from.  Slowly we have put down roots in NC and cut ties in Indiana.  And today, one year later...we are blessed beyond measure - we love it here.  Our home is here and it is truly where we want to be.  God has done this.  I never wanted to leave Indiana. 

In a year's time you can learn a lot.  Especially when you are grieving on so many different levels.  Especially when most everything/everyone you know is gone.  Here are some of the things I've learned.

• It's ok to cry - even in front of others!
• Getting involved in what we love right away was good for us in so many ways.
• Writing makes it much easier for me to express my emotions, pick things apart, and release my frustrations.
• It's one thing to have a lot of acquaintances, but to have one or two real sister in Christ friends is absolutely a blessing like no other!  Getting redirected back to His promises over and over and over and over by these women have helped me get through this.  Their patience is amazing.  
• Grieving takes quite a while.  Once you think you have one thing dealt with another pops up.  You can't rush it or will it to end.  You have to experience it so it is dealt with when it does end.
• If you've gone through a big move in the past - you understand - you can relate - and you encourage those who are going through it SO much.  I felt so much more comforted when I was talking to or with those who 'got it.'  Not that those who haven't can't - but just not to the same level.
• We have really fun and special times with our family when we see them now since we aren't seeing them every other day.
• When making new friends - you can't wait on them to make the first, second, third moves.  I have to get off my butt and invite invite invite!  Most are too busy to think of doing it themselves, but love it when you do.
• My passion is still connecting other women to other women in order that every woman feels encouraged and loved and a sense of belonging and knows His peace and love through others.
• Another passion of mine is emerging - a sense of urgency that the lost in our own little worlds would know Him and what He has to offer before this life is over. 
• Some friends I thought were friends weren't such good friends.
• Some friends I thought weren't friends were good friends.
• I love to belong to a women's Bible study, but I don't love to lead them.
• Jeff and I are each others family here. He and the kids are most important to me.  Period.
• It is hard to keep in touch with friends when you move, but those "pick up where you left off with" ones are precious.
• You can endure anything for a time.  We drove 2 hours a day for 10 weeks when we first got here last year.  We have now had our house on the market twice - but since July of last year have had this burden.  And not just endure - live...and live joyfully...and learn and grow!!
• We were saved from a situation in Evansville where Jeff would have lost his job earlier this year.  The loose ends of this transition are not tied up yet - but this is where God wanted us.  
• We have no regrets about moving here - because this is where God told us to go.  If we would have stayed because of fear or doubt, I am positive we would have regretted it.
• Jeff and I CAN do handy things around the house without my mom and dad - we just had to try!
• Sunshine, blue skies, and working in landscaping makes me giddy happy!
• It is a pain to move to another state.  Just the work for all of your stuff is enough.  But, the switching of driver's license/plates/registration, voting, address changes, insurances, utilities, nursing license, etc - it has been a job to get it all switched!  
• Talk to new people like they are old friends - it's easier and more comfortable :) They get to see who I am immediately!
• Surround myself with those reflect Him and help me to be a better me.  I need not bother with drama of relationships that I know are not healthy for me.
• It is fun to have the ability to have guests stay with us.  We have been so happy to have had so many people pass through Charlotte and see us or come just to see us!
• Tithing is important and an act of obedience and trust.  I'm learning to do it with a joyful heart.
• Time with Emily is becoming more and more important as these years go by.  We now are having 'girl time' every single night were we can talk about anything and do some devotions together.  
• Patience - ok, well, I'm haven't learned this one.  I'm 'learning' this one.  Everything has been about waiting this past year. 
• It's ok to let a mess go in the house.  I can not stay on top of it as easily here...and it is ok.
• Being by myself is ok.  Being over-committed so I'm not by myself is not ok.
• "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." Prov 19:21

He says, "Test Me in this"

Friends and Neighbors - Latasha, Mary Kay, and I at Bunco Night on Monday

I haven't really talked about what I've been up to lately.  So...here it is...  Evan has been sick two times in the past two weeks.  Emily had her birthday, basketball games, and Girl Scout outings - cookies just came in too.  I have been working on Spring Fling auction donations, my Initials, Inc stuff, painting the house some, and helping my neighbor, Latasha, at her children's consignment store...  Mary Kay and I try to get our 3 mile walk in most days - it has been fantastic winter weather!  God has blessed me with great neighbors and wonderful girlfriends!  Evan is getting ready to start an after school Taekwondo program at school this week and will start baseball practice next week.  Emily finishes basketball this week and starts soccer soon.   We've loved every minute of our new church - it is so awesome to look forward to going and then be surrounded in such joy and celebration while there.  We feel challenged by the messages and are growing. We are meeting more and more people through our LifeGroup, some Impact Classes we are attending, and my monthly women's night.  It is so nice to recognize faces there and feel more and more comfortable each week.  

Speaking of Southbrook...Pastor Rob did a sermon series on generosity for a few weeks.  I have never been as convicted during a series about tithing and giving of ourselves.  Jeff and I had pretty much been ignoring the tithing here.  I mean, geesh, we have two house payments, right??  We were reminded during these sermons that tithing is an act of worship and obedience and one that will grow our faith.  

Is our allegience to God or to money?  Quickly we say, "God, absolutely!"

Matthew 6:24  No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Do we ever think though, "if we could just have a bit more money, a little raise, things would be so much better - and then we'd be in a place to give more" ?

Ecclesiates 5:10  Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.

Our possessions are His.  When we chose not to give Him what is His with our tithe we are robbing God.

Malachi 3:8-10 “Will a mere mortal rob God? Yet you rob me.  “But you ask, ‘How are we robbing you?’ “In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me. Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it."       Yes - this is from the OLD testement.  But, check out a few verses before this:  Malachi 3:6  "I the LORD do not change."

This is the only thing that God asks us to test Him on - He wants us to give and ust see what He will do for us.  SEE IF I WILL NOT THROW OPEN THE FLOODGATES OF HEAVEN!!  We hear about those who give and are repeatedly blessed and He always provides for them.  Why is it so hard to trust Him?

2 Corinthians 9:11 You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

He says we will be blessed in all ways so that at all times we can be generous and a blessing to others - thus showing others God's love and leading them to Him!  I will give God my first and my best so He can bless the rest!  If God does not get my first and my best - who or what does then??  Matthew 12:30 "He who is not with Me is against Me."

So, Jeff and I were gripped with conviction.  Yes, we have two house payments.  No, I have no idea how we are making ends meet.  But we will increase our faith in God by being obedient and giving Him what is His.  He will be first in our lives.  I have always done the finances and when it comes to tithing in the past - I really have not loved to do it.  I do it, but not with a joyful spirit.  I can honestly say that I enjoyed writing the past few checks - knowing what is in store for us.  Knowing that He will provide for us and will give us what we need in order to be a blessing to others!  And, evidently a lot of the congregation feel the same - during Sunday's tithe and offering a cheer broke out.  God smiled.

If you are interested, you can listen to Pastor Rob's Genome series here:  http://southbrookchurch.com/multimedia

Some JOY set before us!

Yesterday was one of those days.  Do you ever get tired of being 'positive'?  Or grow weary in having faith that even though you have a big problem - "everything is just going to work out fine cause God has it under control."  Some days that just sounds like a cliche.  Yesterday I just wanted a break from being strong is what I told myself.  Felt like it was the hardest thing I could do to put one foot in front of the other and continue just being strong.  I was, again, after signing the kids up for the over-priced sports programs here, angry at Him for having us in this situation with two house payments.

This morning these two verses came to mind:

Galatians 6:9   "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

Hebrews 12:1-2   "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

I described myself to several people yesterday as feeling 'weary' - and it felt like it was weariness from doing good - having unwavering faith in a situation that doesn't seem too great.  (And of course, I know that our situation isn't horrible compared to so many that people are facing right now...so part of me doesn't even want to write/talk publicly about this, but this is how I feel...)   So I felt attacked...weary, TIRED of being positive.  I wanted to whine.  But, Galatians says we will reap a harvest (obtain a return or reward) if we do not give up.  So, I will obtain a reward for my faith?

I love the verses in Hebrews - always have.  But when I read them this morning - WOW!  It is what I needed to review and see in a new way.  I need to run this race (this life) with perseverance the way that it is marked out for me (not necessarily the circumstances and path I would have chosen, but the one that is marked out by Him.)  I can do this easier if I throw off the stuff that hinders me and sin - casting my anxieties on the Lord because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).  I can also do this easier if I keep my eyes on Jesus - HE went ahead of me in this world and had to have faith - He finished the race - He knows how hard it was.  He endured difficulties and uncertain situations and circumstances for the joy that He knew was yet to come.  Philippians 3:20-21 says,  "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body."  And from Revelation 21:4 we know that in heaven, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”  

Now THAT is some cool stuff to look forward to!  I would say that that is some JOY set before us!  And I can say once again that I can perserve!

On some another notes...
Got some more painting done downstairs - kitchen and mud room.  And, I am now an Initials, Inc. rep.  :)  I talked with my friend Shawna who used to sell ThirtyOne and she encouraged me to see how many ThirtyOne reps were around - there were a TON...and then look into this company.  Initials, Inc. has super cute bags, purses and other items that you can personalize - embroidery is always free!  Check out my website:  www.myinitials-inc.com/AmyKissel.

And I haven't said this in awhile, but thank you so much to all of my friends and family that support us and pray for us...so thankful for you all!!

Home!

My mom is the best!

We're home!  I can say that joyfully.  Being in Evansville made us realize that home is in North Carolina now.  Although we aren't 100% settled here, we are definitely not at home in Evansville.  We had a nice visit.  It was a learning experience for us though.  We tried to do entirely too much.  It is hard to think that maybe we can just jump right back into the life that we left 5 months ago.  It is amazing how life just continues to go on when 4 people are removed from it.  Not that I didn't expect it to go on -- I definitely did.  And, it doesn't even really hurt too much, it is just interesting to observe.  We think we are so significant and even when we are involved in tons of different ways in our hometown - just 5 short months later, there is no trace of our presence - just life continuing on without us.  Don't misunderstand me - I am not having a poor me moment.  It is humbling.  I watched a Criminal Minds episode with my parents a few nights ago and it was about a mother who was totally flipping out on the one year anniversary of losing her son in a terrible accident.  She observed how the world just continues on while grieving was her entire existence for a year.  Not suggesting that I am going to flip out and shoot people!!!  Just seeing that others experience this.  Thank goodness that in big life changes those who know Jesus as their personal Savior have a Constant in their life that NEVER changes at all.  Even when life goes on in Indiana, He came with us to North Carolina and will be with us no matter where we are.   

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

That gives me peace about this change -- a peace like none other.  It is okay that our circles in Indiana are shrinking, for He is widening our circles in NC.  I am ready.  I am looking forward to it.  I feel incredibly blessed that instead of coming home to NC sad and homesick this year at Christmastime, I came home happy from our visit and expectant of all that He has in store for us at home!  Thank you Lord!

A special birthday cake

My favorite Christmas Tradition

We had fun staying with my parents, visiting with many in my extended family, Chris and Judy, Jenny and Jason, and some friends!  We got to carry on traditions of Christmas socks for Judy, Jenny, Emily, and I - Christmas sugar cookies made by mom - extended Lottes family celebration - pulling Uncle Dave's beard - a lunch with Aunt Kathy - ornaments given to the kids by Aunt Jenny (and a tacky snow globe for me from her!).

Aunt Tammy and Uncle Dave

What a blessing that we still got to do all of this even though we live so far away.  It is my hope that we will continue to get to spend Christmas with family - even if it isn't on the day.  We also enjoyed a few beers with Jimmy and Tiffany, a meal and special cake and great fellowship with Matthew and Kendra, and a dinner with some soccer friends.  I enjoyed a cookie exchange with my sister friends and a lunch with my eldest friend and mentor.  Jeff enjoyed a day visiting at the old office with his friends. Emily got to play with her friend Emma for a morning and Evan got to play with his friend Colin for a morning. It was a lot packed into a few days and Jeff and I ended up with colds.  We were greeted back home by two attention-starved fur balls and a pile of Christmas cards and a sweet birthday gift from another friend from Indiana.  Blessed.

Some prayer requests please:

• I have contacted the lady who does most of the ministry to women at the church we will call home.  I let her know that I am interested in serving the women of the church and am praying about how that might look.  We will meet together after the New Year.  I am excited, but do not want to do any more or less than what God wants of me at this time.

• For our house to sell soon!

Merry Christmas to my family and friends!  Remember Him this year and join me in meditating on what our gifts might be to Him on the day of His birth.

Not Comfortable

Normalcy...gosh, I miss it.  I miss feeling totally relaxed, completely comfortable, and at home.  I think when we are uncomfortable we rely on Him more completely.  But, man, to just be totally relaxed...  

I spent some time texting this morning with a friend about how I was feeling.  She, being experienced at this, had such encouragement for me.  I then got a text from a friend that moved away a month before we did.  It was so encouraging for me to see that at that very moment one of my sisters was having a hard time too.  I could then pray for us both instead of making it all about me.  Although I really am even having a hard time praying...it seems like I just keep praying the same things over and over and over...and He has heard them so He knows...so now I am just waiting.  And hoping that in the waiting I am growing and learning.  Because it sure does hurt.

I went to lunch today with two new-to-Charlotte friends.  Christina and Mary Kay are both many many miles away from home just like me.  Lots of reassurance.  It is a blessing to be able to be around these ladies and others who are away from comfort.  We must let go of the past (remember it, love it, and cherish it though!) but move on...agree that this is our life now and step into what He has for us and make the most of it.  It is hard not to dwell on the past and miss it.

Vent Session - FULL of complaints, beware!!! 
I feel like I am stuck in mode "lazy."  I have just kind of stopped...stopped moving on or letting go.  This week has been a hard one - not horrible, but hard.  Jeff is working late every night and is probably under a lot of stress too, meaning he is a little shorter than usual (not in height, LOL).  A few big things that I had to talk through with the kids (and then you always question whether you did good or just scarred them for life!!!)  Increasing concern about the church we visited last week (Elevation) that had to be discussed with Jeff - we decided it is probably not for us since the concern/uneasiness is there.  I've gained 5 pounds and continue to eat to make myself feel better.  Oh, and anytime you profess your freedom of something, like I did in my last few blogs, you'll be sure to be attacked in that area!!!  LOL!  That's been fun.  I have had headaches more days than not for the past three weeks and my tummy has been less than happy.  Trying to fit in all the appropriate visits for our 5 days back in Evansville on the calendar and wondering if we are going to be able to keep up that pace for those days.  We missed a fun SNC concert with front row seats last night in Evansville.  These white walls are bugging me (I know...that is lame!!)  LOL.  I need COLOR - warmth.  It feels cold in here.  I can't seem to get anything accomplished - just scatterbrained and unorganized - not myself.  I just made our first double mortgage payment.  I wonder whether the buyer that looked at our house a second time last weekend is going to make an offer (doesn't look good though).  I wonder how we are going to do this....................sigh.....
Philipians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
So... I remember that God is in our tomorrows, so I need not worry or be anxious about things....He is there, therefore it will be manageable in some way or another.  In the midst of these things this week He has provided me with my most "social" week here.  I've been walking in the neighborhood, gone to lunch, gone on a shopping trip - all with new friends. He is there...and He always will be.  I am blessed...


I just reread this, as I always do and He brought to me what I need to focus on. Contentment. To be relaxed is to be content.  I thought I was 'ok' with being here now, but I probably need to revisit that...am I content?  Am I truly joyful and at peace right now?  I want to be! Lord help me to be joyful, peaceful, content!  I want to move on and see what You have for us here!  I want to enjoy being here and what You have for us!  Thank you for the encouragement you have provided through old and new friendships this week! 

Philippians 4:12 says, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."      -Please make it true of me!