Target Practice

In December as I was having lunch with a friend, she threw out a question,  "Would nursing be what you would do if you could work and do anything?"  I feel like the correct answer should be "absolutely" - I mean, I went to school for it and have kept my license current and had just finished the continuing education hours.  I take a lot of pride in saying that I'm an RN.  It took a lot of work.  I enjoyed it while I did it.  I feel like I'm important when I tell people I'm a nurse (that's probably a whole other issue!)  But to be honest - it scares me now.  I have forgotten everything.  Except how to care.  Seriously, I was asked a simple question during a girl scout meeting the other night about head wounds and I wasn't sure of the answer...talk about embarrassing.  Luckily Emily wasn't embarrassed.  Whew!  Back to the question my friend posed:  I answered her honestly and said, "I'm not sure that it would be.  If I could do anything for work - it would be to have a little shabby chic boutique store and make my little painted signs."  But I really felt like that was a far-fetched idea.

I interviewed for another nursing job in December and I still haven't ever heard anything back - which is fine.  Yet, it makes me kind of sad.  I know that every year I don't work is one more year removed from the skills and makes it more likely that I'll have to take some kind of refresher courses in order to ever get back into it.  Yes, the money would be good.  But is that what I'm being called to do right now??  I'm not so sure.  I feel like being available to my family is THE single most important thing I can do.  And if I'm gone 8-9 hours a day I don't know that I can be what I need to be for them. Every nursing position door that I've managed to get my foot in since we've been here has been shut.  Not sure it is the answer.  And it doesn't make me excited to think about going back.

So, this month I've looked into the prices of renting booths to sell my handiwork.  There aren't many openings even though there are lots of shops and the rent is pricey.  I didn't even know if my stuff was cute - I'd only given it as gifts and you never know if people actually like it or are just being nice!   I decided to put pictures on my facebook page <---(click on that to see them) a week ago showing what I make and I started selling them and taking orders immediately!  I didn't even have it completely thought out and people were asking how much and whether I took orders!  Joy just flooded me.  I truly enjoy painting and making these little signs.  Yay!


Now...I wasn't able to start selling these signs without being intentional.  I've wanted to do it for a long time but hadn't done anything about it.  I finally took some steps and got it done after the conversation with my friend when I actually voiced my desire.

Last February I read a book by Anne Ortlund called "Disciplines of the Beautiful Woman."  It wasn't my favorite book ever.  But, I was very much challenged by the author to write down my LIFE PURPOSES, my LIFE GOALS, and my YEAR GOALS.  She pointed out the importance of writing them down.  There's something powerful about it.  It's intentional.  Once it's on paper I can review and revisit them and see them.  I can pray over them and ask God if it is still what He wants of me.  I made my life purposes more general like: Give generously, Trust blindly, Grow continually, etc.  My life goals are more specific like: go on a mission trip, write a Christian women's book, etc.  My year goals are very specific and are more of baby-steps to getting to my life goals at times: Continue blogging and praying about what to write, make daily time with God non-negotiable, etc.  I've loved having these written down so I have direction.  I re-wrote them in January this year and tweaked them a bit.  I pray over them often.

Seems like once God speaks to you about something, it comes up everywhere, right?  "If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time."  I've heard this quote a lot, but I was really convicted the last time I heard it said by Pastor Kevin.  SO true.  What am I aiming for?  What is life about?  Is it just getting up, going through the motions, hopefully having a few good moments, going to bed, doing it all over and over and over?  What am I trying to accomplish?  Mine and yours main life purposes should be to glorify God in all we do and to become more like Him.  If I haven't thought about it or written it down - been intentional  -- am I going to 'hit the mark?'

I am reading "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope for my women's Bible Study right now.  Renee says, "When we don't know what our heart's desires are, we tend to spend our lives fulfilling the desires of others."  Ugh...what a waste!  I want to do what God wants me to do.  And what brings me joy too!  She adds, "But just as a target is designed to narrow the aim of an arrow, God uses the desires of our hearts to narrow the focus of where He wants our lives to make a mark for eternity."  I want my arrows to leave marks not just whiz around hitting nothing.  But if I don't have anything to aim at - what do I expect is going to happen?  If I don't know what the desires of my heart are??  Well, start by asking God.  He will reveal it.  It made me smile so big when my heart desire came to fruition with painting my signs and selling them!  My heart desire of writing my thoughts and feelings out became something I could do just by sitting down and doing it.  My heart desire of encouraging became something I could do just by taking the time (intentionally) to write a text, email or card out to a sister.

Our new lead pastor, Pastor Shane, (yay!!!!) talked about the importance of  family values a couple weekends ago.  He reminded us, "If we are not intentional to set our values then others around us will do it for us."  It was a great sermon showing us how powerful culture can be on our households.  If we do not talk about what our values are with our children - then the world will tell our children what their values should be.  That. is. scary.  He closed his sermon with a challenge to each of us to go home and establish our values as a family - beliefs that guide us as we seek to glorify God.  Some hints - be specific/not generic, support each value with a Bible verse (God's authority), and write the values out and hang them up (as a reminder and for accountability).

Sunday night the four of us sat down and discussed what we'd like to have as our family values.  We came up with six "We will..." statements that we supported with scripture and hung on a decorative tree thing in our hallway.  We decided on these values together and agreed that we all need to help each other stick to these values.  It had never even crossed my mind to do something like this.

So, this has been a lengthy post, one I've been wanting to write all month.  I've meditated on these subjects for weeks now and it has flowed out through my fingers so quickly.  A lot of times I still feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly in this life - wondering what I'm going to be when I grow up; wondering if I'm really doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  I'm so thankful that God has shown me over the past year how important knowing and claiming and writing down what my purposes, goals, heart desires, and family values are.  And when I'm feeling like I'm not quite hitting the mark or feeling aimless...it doesn't really come down to whether I'm a nurse or I clean houses and make crafts...am I glorifying Him and making Him greater?

John 3:30  "He must become greater; I must become less."

 

The Important 'Stuff'

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (Luke 11:9-13).

Jesus taught a lot about prayer in Luke 11.  I was thinking about these words - 'ask and it will be given to you' - this past week.

The Right Door & The Good in Every Situation

Where should I start?  I know I need to write and try to figure out some 'truths.'  My mind is swirling like the leaves in the dreary, windy, cool, gray day today.  

I have told many of you over the last few weeks, "my heart is at home still, but I am willing to do what I need to for my family and go where God leads me."  I guess I'm having a hard time as to where God is leading - I know I need to sit back and remain faithful. Sit back - as in BE PATIENT. Nothing new here.  But I also know that I need to continue having action with my faith - continue trying - continue pursuing other ideas, etc. 

Our Daily Bread

I have enjoyed this past week opening up the windows and sleeping with them open, listening to the sounds of nature and the fountain on the pond.  The cool breeze coming in and blowing the curtains gently - so peaceful.  I worked on my craft room this week, making it more of a cozy place and enjoyed sitting in front of the window at my desk and creating some.

Dwelling on Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

These are the very first verses that made sense to me and brought me comfort 15ish years ago when Jeff took me to church with him. I ripped it out of the bulletin in the old sanctuary at CFC that day and took it back to college with me, pinning it on my bulletin board.  This passage was tucked into Pastor Kevin's message yesterday at church and was the 'one thing' I needed to hear - making sense and bringing me comfort again.  I need to dwell here this week. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  To trust means to believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of something/someone.  What do I truly trust in with all my heart - without abandon - childlike - completely - with my full being/passion/everything I am?  That's a pretty big claim - "with all my heart."  Not just most of my heart - but all of it.  Do I believe in the reliability, truth, ability and strength of the Lord with all my heart?  Do I believe wholeheartedly He is who He says He is?

Lean not on your own understanding.  The understanding I have right now is definitely not firm enough to be leaned on - it would be like leaning on something that you quickly realize is on wheels, falling awkwardly (then looking around to see if anyone saw that!)  But, if I leaned on God - He is a rock and a firm foundation, not to be shaken or moved.  Psalm 18:2 says, "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."  I like to plan and I like to control.  I take what I know (or think I do) and I try to find a solution - the best solution. One problem is my own understanding is not complete!  I know only fraction of what is going on and why.  Yet I obsess over what I do know or imagine I know or think I know and work myself into a tizzy trying to manipulate the universe into lining up perfectly so that each part of the puzzle falls just right and THEN and only then I will be content and happy and all will be well in my world.  Whew! Just reading that sentence exhausts me...no wonder every few weeks or so I hit a wall and cry out to God saying "I can't do this anymore, please help us!"  That's a lot of energy spent spinning my wheels on things that I won't succeed at.  Why am I looking at things and saying "I know what needs to happen here?"  We've been taught to be problem-solvers, leaders, and planners. But, my understanding is not His understanding.  They are not equal, not the same. Isaiah 55:8 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

In all your ways submit to Him. All my ways would include everything I do, hence 'all.'  My ways = my physical actions, my thoughts, my speech, my interactions with others, my desires and wants...  To submit means to accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person - or in our case, God.  Do I, in all my ways, accept, bow down, and step aside to allow God to be in control - in the driver's seat?

And He will make your paths straight.  The first three points have been the IF and now this is the THEN.  IF I do this, this, and this, THEN He will do this.  It is a promise - it doesn't say He might, it says He will.  I picture 'making my paths straight' as a clear understanding of what to do, where to go, and where He wants me.  No confusion and lots of clarity. (Sunny clear skies and a working GPS.)  Straight roads are easier to drive than curvy ones (I know from experience since we have a lot of mountain curves on our trip to Indiana.)  They also get you where you are going faster than roads with lots of bends do.  When we do not trust in Him but trust instead in what we think we understand and we do not let Him be in control, I imagine our paths are foggy, curvy, hard to navigate, dark, stormy, with lots of detours, pit stops, standstills, and accidents.  (And isn't it annoying when you are on a long trip and you come to one of these?)  It does not, however, mean that our drive will be perfect.  We may have some of these hardships along the way, but with our trust in Him and not in ourselves with Him in the driver's seat then we are not thrown off course, but prepared, ready, and able to handle what comes into our path.  We throw our hands up and say, "I don't understand, and that is okay.  I trust you with every ounce of my soul.  Your plan is perfect and You will work everything out for my good.  I yield to Your plan in my actions, thoughts, interactions, and wants.  I know that You will bring me clarity as to what to do, where to go, and where you want me!  Now allow me to enjoy the beauty of the drive since You've got it under control!"

We don't want to be Ephraimites!

A few of you remember almost a year ago me asking for prayers for us to do what God wanted us to do.  (And if you have kept reading my blog for a year I am super impressed!! LOL)  Yes, it's been almost a year since we've been here in NC.  Unfortunately the loose ends still remain!! 

And so the saga continues... 

The renters/buyers of our home in Indiana can not follow-through.  We were hoping that maybe they just couldn't buy it and would be able to continue renting (since that was covering our mortgage payments) but they are moving out by Monday.  We did have a contract. We will be getting the house ready to go back on the market.  Any prayers would be appreciated!!  We need prayers that we will trust in His plan and fully rely on Him.  Doubt and worry keep creeping in.

I just read about the Ephraimites in the desert this morning and how they first ran off scared when the battle began - even though God had armed them with what they needed and had provided for them in the past. Then they saw a miracle of much needed water gushing from a rock that was struck, but it wasn't good enough and they asked for meat as well.

Psalm 78 ^9-16 The Ephraimites, armed to the teeth,
      ran off when the battle began.
   They were cowards to God's Covenant,
      refused to walk by his Word.
   They forgot what he had done—
      marvels he'd done right before their eyes.
   He performed miracles in plain sight of their parents
      in Egypt, out on the fields of Zoan.
   He split the Sea and they walked right through it;
      he piled the waters to the right and the left.
   He led them by day with a cloud,
      led them all the night long with a fiery torch.
   He split rocks in the wilderness,
      gave them all they could drink from underground springs;
   He made creeks flow out from sheer rock,
      and water pour out like a river.

 ^17-20 All they did was sin even more,
      rebel in the desert against the High God.
   They tried to get their own way with God,
      clamored for favors, for special attention.
   They whined like spoiled children,
      "Why can't God give us a decent meal in this desert?
   Sure, he struck the rock and the water flowed,
      creeks cascaded from the rock.
   But how about some fresh-baked bread?
      How about a nice cut of meat?"

I pray that we will not be like them - that we will remember His faithfulness, that we will not be scared, and that we will not demand more when He already provides for us what we need.  We are ready to trust Him and allow Him to lead us to the promised land in His way.  Please just pray that we can remain steadfast in Him as we face upcoming decisions and financial struggles.  Please pray for clarity.  I am in the process of having my nursing license transferred to NC so that I can search for work, but we have the kids to think of as well - so please just ask that we'd do the right thing and not just panic and do something we shouldn't in this regard.

Our crape myrtle bloomed yesterday.  God has used crape myrtles all throughout our journey to give us peace.

Jeff and I do know that God wanted us here.  If we were in Indiana he would have lost his job.  We have grown tremendously in our faith in the past year.  So, yes, this has drug on and on - the house thing has not gone particularly smoothly, but there IS a plan in this - and we don't have to know the why.  We are called to live not by explanations, but by faith.

Watchful and Thankful

I had to get this as a great reminder to us.  It says "The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

So, I begged for clarity.  I kid you not, the next day it came.  Clear as the Carolina skies like I asked for!  Don't you love it when God gives us what we ask for - and we KNOW He's the One who gave it to us?

I got to speak to someone about the RN position - it was a full time M-F job as a Case Manager for Worker's Comp.  Some of it was from home (paperwork) but majority of it was driving around following the patient, place of employment, attorneys, and insurance.  It was clear that this was too much of a time committment here in this new city.  I then pretty much knew that I don't have anything to lose by signing up to sell ThirtyOne.  I am also hoping to help one of my neighbor friends who opened a consignment shop with some advertising online.  So, that is what I'm going to do so my little rugrats can do some extra activities.  I also am feeling more at peace about leading a Bible Study at the house.  I had to tell what my spiritual gifts were on my 'application' to be a leader.  I looked up my test but I took it probably 5-6 years ago.  My gifts WERE:  Knowledge, Service/Help, Leadership.  But NOW they are:  Knowledge, Leadership, Wisdom, Discernment,Teacher, Administration, Exhortation.  And it seems like over a lot of the areas the scores were a lot higher.  I asked the Life Groups pastor whether your spiritual gifts change over time.  He said definitely through spiritual growth and maturity your gifts can change.  So, as I see what my gifts are (Hospitality scored high too, but not as high as these) and what I know my passions are (connecting women to others and God so that they feel encouraged and loved) it seems clear to go forward with the Bible Study - trusting Him in the unfamiliar territory.  I also got word just a bit ago that the PTO actually decided that they do not want to move forward with the Spirit Rock - which was a bit disappointing to me, but it frees up something else that was on my plate that was just extra time that I was going to have to give.

Evan is having a hard week.  Grandma Judy (Jeff's mom) had total knee replacement surgery yesterday.  We have been talking about it and we packed up a fun care package to send her way.  He is really worried about her though.  His teacher said he was a bit 'off' yesterday and he has been extremely whiney and negative about everything ever since school started back up.  We will call her this afternoon - hopefully that will help some.  Not sure what is going on.  Mrs. Gordon and I are working on it. 

We have gotten the living room and the morning room painted.  I feel like I have tunnel vision right now trying to get as much as I can painted downstairs.  I love how it looks.

So I prayed for clarity and I got clarity.  Too bad it doesn't work that way everytime. Some scriptures make it seem like all you have to do is ask and 'poof' you get it.

Matthew 7:7 " Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

But, it seems like your motives probably need to line up with what God would want...
James 4:3  "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

So, yes, He gave me clarity because I asked and because my motives were pure - I do not want to do anything that He does not want me to do.  I want to spend my time wisely and allow Him to be able to work through me.  But, He also may have chosen not to answer that prayer.  And there are other prayers that He has not answered.  Ahem...like selling our house.  First I think - am I asking with wrong motives so that I may spend what we get on our pleasures??  Hrm.  I have to think about that.  WHY do I want our house to sell?  Just because He hasn't answered them yet doesn't mean our asking is wrong.  His timing is completely perfect and the sell of our house is NOT overdue.

Habakkuk 2:3 TLB  "But these things I plan won't happen right away.  Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled.  If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass.  Just be patient!  They will not be overdue a single day!" 

In my devotional book today I read that presenting what I need over and over to God keeps my needs/concerns in the forefront of my mind - keeping me in a state of tension.  Instead, pray with a thankful heart and thank Him for the plans He already has for our house to sell and the plans He set into motion long before we could discern results.  "Thankful prayers keep your focus on My Presence and My promises."

Colossians 4:2  "Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."

Praying for Clarity - as Clear as the Carolina Skies!

Happy New Year!  Yeah, I'm a little late with that!  We had a fun time with Steve and Wendy and their girls on the 31st...but by the time they left I was feeling pretty rotten again.  The next morning I was congested and clogged up and low on energy (and it wasn't from lack of sleep - I was in bed before the new year unfortunately!)  So...we didn't get to church or the small group that we were going to go to.  I just did not have the energy in me to go and meet new people.  But, we are still on track to meet up with this Life Group at their next meeting time - next Sunday after church.  Jeff had Monday off and the kids headed back to school.  It was fun getting to hang out with him all day!  The kids had a rough week getting back into the groove of things with getting up early.  Evan tried to push his limits a bit by perfuming the cat and flushing a plastic dixie cup down the toilet.  After I freaked a bit and poked holes in the cup by using a utility knife (which only lodged it so deep I couldn't reach it), Jeff saved the day by pushing it all the way through with an auger. Which totally reminded me of the time that Evan put a very teeny Polly Pockets plastic hairbow up his nose and right when I thought I was going to get it out he snuffed and it went up so far I couldn't see it.  Jeff couldn't save the day that time though and we had to have the Dr take care of that!  Emily and Jeff had their first basketball game on Friday night.  She played hard the entire game - even though they lost.  They have a lot of timid, first time players on the team who don't know the game - Emily is playing with girls 1 and 2 years older than her, but you wouldn't know it.   It was hard to watch, but they only have room to improve from here!


The bunco group in the neighborhood is a go!  We didn't have any problem getting 12 regular players in the neighborhood and 3 subs...and people are moving in all the time with houses going up like they are.  I will be hosting this month and teaching everyone how to play - not sure anyone has played! 

I started painting our downstairs living room on Thursday.  I am on a roll now and have painted some every day since then!  The living room is tan and a darker tan - I will probably extend those two colors into the kitchen as well.  I got some green for our morning room today.  The painting will continue this week!  Pictures will come soon!

Monday morning I met with Kathy about the ministry that they have at our church for women.  She is the unofficial volunteer in charge.  I asked her what she thought about me doing a Bible Study in my home one morning a week.  She thought it sounded great - definitely something they need (they only have two going on - so this would provide another opportunity for women).  The problem - they don't know me from anyone.  It was so different for me to be told that after being so involved at CFC in Evansville for so long that enough people knew me and could 'vouch' for me!  I totally respect that though.  She ended up talking to the LifeGroups Pastor and they want me to take a short class about Southbrook and what they believe and then Kathy would be a part of the Bible Study for the first few times so she can observe/be there for support and back up, etc.  I am still praying about this.  I want to make sure that this is what I'm supposed to do.  I'm not completely convinced I don't think.

I am praying for clarity on the above and also whether I need to do something for just a little bit exra income.  The kids are going to need to be signed up for spring sports soon which unfortunately are very much more expensive than in Indiana.  I am considering selling Thirty One (purses, lunchbags, cutsie stuff with embroidery).  That would be fun, something I can control time involvement/committment, and just a bit extra to use on the kids activities.  Ironically (or not), I also received an email this week from Uncle Tony  telling me that he knows of an at-home RN job in Charlotte.  I am getting more information on this.  I am not positive that I am interested, but it doesn't hurt to see.  I need clarity on what my purpose here is.  Jeff does not say I need to work.  When we chose to move here we decided that I would not have to.  He will support me if I do though.  I want to be available to the kids and be able to spend time volunteering a school and church as much as I can, so I am not sure that a 'real' job fits right now...but God will show me I'm sure. 

Church this morning was awesome!  It is so nice to already start recognizing faces.  The music, worship, and message were all great.  Some notes I took:  Few people make a difference by accident.  No one makes a difference without passion.  The pastor asked us to uncover what we're passionate about (spiritually).  I think I can answer this.  Connecting people.  Serving others.  Helping them grow.  He suggested that we let what we do be driven by our passions. 

I have been praying a lot while painting this week about where I should serve, what I should do, do I need to work?  Should I get involved with this or that?  I need clarity!  It seemed clear during church today that if I know what my passion is - shouldn't what I'm doing line up with that?  So, it seems like hosting a Bible Study lines up with that.  I am nervous about it though.  I guess since I will be observed...and technically, I really haven't facilitated one before.  I've filled in for others, I've done short talks, I 'led' a small group with Jeff...but I haven't done this.  Am I a good hostess?  Although, I have felt the need to open our home since we have the room for that now.

I still feel confused though.  Confusion is not from Him.  Praying for clarity...