Confessions of a Tween's Mom - Eyes are Opened

Over the past couple of months I've been enlightened...well, a bit.  I've learned the definitions of 'fangirling' and 'bronies' and what it means to be 'friendzoned.'  So, I'm now super cool to my now 12 year old daughter...well, not really.

What I've really been clued in to is the crazy, crazy time that our kids are growing up in.  Emily's church youth group leaders had a brunch for moms of sixth grade girls a few weeks ago.  While there I learned that our girls are faced with bad language used by fellow classmates and friends.  The 'F' word, along with all the others, is being said around my Emily every day.  I am proud of her that she's made the decision for now that those words don't need to be said because they're nasty, but she still has to hear them come out of the mouths of most of the kids around her on a daily basis.  It was also shared that the seventh grade girls are dealing mostly with their friends and classmates being anxious, depressed, cutting themselves, and threatening suicide.  It seriously made me scared to hear this.  I left this get-together with my eyes beginning to be opened, but more was to come.  I recently was the 'adult' presence during an activity with Emily and a few other 12 year old girls.  One of them talked very freely about her friends who cut and want to die.  She also brought up the recent news about facebook adding more gender choices than just male and female - to which Emily said, "well that is silly, there are only two."  Right on, girl!  The concern for me continued as I had coffee with a friend who told me how her seventh grade son is dealing with friends who have shown him pornography and how there are sixth grade girls having babies.  Pick me up off the floor and fan me please....this mom has wide-open eyes now.

So, what do we do with this?  Like I said, my immediate response was to be scared for what our children are going to have to come up against.  I truly believe that they are going out into a war zone every day and we have GOT to equip them with the tools to fight well - instead of just being a P-E-S-T.

Pray:  I admit very ashamedly that I have not been praying for my children very often at all.  Prayer will bring  power to them through the Holy Spirit but it will also alleviate our fears and anxieties!  I pulled the book, "Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian, off of my shelf and dusted it off since I hadn't opened it since I received it when Evan was born.

"When we don't pray, it's like sitting on the side-lines watching our children in a war zone getting shot at from every angle.  When we do pray, we're in the battle alongside them, appropriating God's power on their behalf.  If we also declare the Word of God in our prayers, then we wield a powerful weapon against which no enemy can prevail."  (page 21)

Educate ourselves:  I laugh a lot that I 'live in a little Christian-bubble' with a perfect little life and am so naive to what goes on in the world - I look at people 'around here' and think they're all good - that there is nothing really evil going on.  I will not laugh about this any more.  It isn't funny nor cute that I'm 'sheltered.'  This is the point in my life that I need to educate myself to what kids are into.  What slang is what.  What they will face so I can talk to them before they face it.

Spend time together/be intentionally involved:  I just recently have told a few friends how Emily and I don't have a lot in common that we love to talk about.  But, she just read the Divergent book series and she loves to talk about what she's reading.  So, I started reading them too.  It gave us a nice way to talk through some of the books and a fun way to connect as the movie comes out later this month.  I am super-glad I did this.  Sometimes opportunities do not just pop up but we have to be intentional to be involved and to work at our relationships.  In some relationships this happens naturally, but in some it doesn't - especially with a hormone-raging, roller-coaster-of-emotions, highly-sensitive tween.  Intentionally schedule some time to do something that she enjoys together.

Talk with our kids:  After we came home from the event where I overheard the talk about cutting and suicide and genders, etc., I talked to her about it.  I asked her what she thought.  I asked her if any of her friends talked like that.  I assured her that she needs to tell me if any of her friends ever talked about hurting themselves.  Jeff has taken her out recently and asked her what her friends are into and who is doing what? We got that idea from a friend in our Lifegroup!  Jeff just talked to the kids about how he was experiencing some peer pressure with his friends recently and what he did to resolve that.  And I just told Emily how grumpy I was because I was tired last night.  Hopefully they are learning a little by example.  We have to keep that dialogue going.  I also had to have 'the talk' with Emily recently before sixth grade health class beat me to it.  I wanted her to hear it from us first and about what God says on the topic.  I knew if she didn't hear it from us it wasn't going to be taught to her at school!

I'm sure that those of you with older kids are way past this stage of eye-opening and have all kinds of ideas on how to keep our kids on the right track.  Please share your experiences with us embarking on this stage!  It definitely helps to talk to others and get ideas and counsel.  And I know that the Wednesday night youth group at our church has been so great for Emily this year - it's a confusing time for middle and high schoolers.  If you have a teen who would like to go, please let me know!  Jeff and I are definitely thankful that Emily has two extremely godly women leading her group at church who are available and invested in Emily's life.  I'm glad that Emily has another choice of someone to talk to...sometimes parents aren't quite enough.

The fear has been replaced for the moment with thankfulness that we have so many tools available to help in raising our children in this world.  2 Timothy 1:7 says, 'For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.'  My fear was/is not from God.  I know that with Him, we can rest in the truth in Proverbs 22:6, 'Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.'  And when the anxiety creeps in again:  'Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.' (Philippians 4:6)

He gave us our children for a reason.  He obviously thought we could do it.  We want to do a good job and I know you do, too!  We're far from perfect but we are learning and I'm so thankful that God is equipping us through His word and His people!

Christ Alone; Cornerstone

Christ alone; Cornerstone,

Weak made strong; in the Savior's love

Through the storm,

He is Lord, Lord of all.

This has been playing in my head since Sunday morning when we sang it at church.  It's a powerful song. Click on the words to hear it!  But I also wondered a bit about what I was singing.  What is a cornerstone?  A cornerstone is a stone at the corner of a building uniting two intersecting walls.  Such a stone, often inscribed, laid at a ceremony marking the origin of a building.  It was very important in ancient days - being a large stone, the beginning of the structure, that held up the whole building.  So, that stone had utmost importance - everything else was dependent on it being correct and strong.

I love analogies/word pictures.  I love the picture of us (weak stones) held up and made strong by Jesus, who is of utmost importance, correct, strong, level, the origin of us.  The storm called life is blowing all around us, but that Cornerstone will support us.  We can completely depend on Him.  He is our Rock, our Love, our Shelter, our All.

Recently I, and many others, have noticed how 'under attack' Christianity and the church is.  Is the attack getting worse or are we getting worse?  Probably both.

Paul wrote, "There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” (2 Tim. 3:1-5)   

Paul also warned, “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” (2 Tim. 4:3).

We are here for a short time.  Now is the time to link arms with our brothers and sisters in Christ, lay aside our emotions which can not be trusted, believe that Christ is our Cornerstone supporting us in the storm, and run this race together until the day of His return .

"Together, we are his house, built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself. We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord."  (Eph.2:20 NLT, bold type mine)

 "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Heb 10:23-25)

Image courtesy of George Stojkovic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Bein' Real, Bein' Blessed

I am an open book.  I value authenticity big-time!  Realness is endearing - it makes people want to be around you.  So much pretending goes on in this world, even 'reality' shows are staged.  Why would anyone want to spend time with someone who insists that everything is one way when it is totally not?  Those first steps of surrendering a bit and letting it 'all hang out' can be really scary.  When I share the scary stuff though,  most of the time I get a 'me too!' reaction from the majority instead of a 'you're weird!' reaction from the majority.

One of my favorite things to do is have a deep conversation with a girlfriend.  Real = feelings and meanings and situations and hurts and struggles and victories and how God is moving and what He is saying.  Talking about the weather and our calendars is okay for a few minutes, but if that is all that is talked about in a two hour conversation...it disinterests me quickly.  Talking about other people is even worse...  Every conversation is an opportunity for growth and we're missing out if we're never breaking the surface.  The bond that is formed when we share the real stuff is amazing...all walls are down...we see that we are made so similarly and we stop seeing one another as competitors, but as friends and allies in this broken and hard life.

I have gone through periods of holding back who I am and what I'm struggling with.  Why?

• Once you have shared vulnerable information about yourself with another person - there is always a possibility that the other person can use that information against you.  It happens.  We're all imperfect.  And whether the other person intends to or not, there's always a possibility of getting hurt.  Deeply.  I've been there.  When someone knows what hurts you and then decides to use that very thing to 'get you.'  Ouch.  

• Another reason I've held back who I am - embarrassment - or the not so fun word 'pride.'  I don't want others to know what I'm really capable of.  I don't think God wants us to blast it around to everyone who will listen, but in relationships sharing is okay.  But pretending that I have it all together when I really don't - what good does it do?  My friend and I both miss out on an opportunity of growth when I answer her with an, "I'm fine," when I'm not.  My mind challenges me - 'Don't let her know ___ about you.  She'll think you're ___!'  Worrying about what others think about me is a pride issue.

• I'm also afraid of becoming emotional, so that has discouraged me from sharing at times.  I hate to cry in front of others.  Some people are cute criers.  I'm an ugly crier!  I always appreciate when other let down their guard and show emotion though - so I just have to get over this and hope that others will appreciate my honesty.  

• The devil doesn't want me to share sometimes.  He will tell me all kinds of lies and try to scare me out of sharing.  Because God uses our pasts and our hurts to encourage and comfort others sometimes, Satan does not want us to share! 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.  2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Discernment is important!  I used to share everything with anyone who would give me attention, which is how I ended up hurt several times.  What I share on my blog is prayed about and usually run by my husband before posted in a place that the world can see.   As I grow closer to other sisters in Christ I can now discern whether it is a safe place to have these deep conversations.  So, in no way am I saying that deep conversations should go on with everyone you come in contact with.  Although, there is an awful lot that you can share with almost anyone, that will encourage others and will not hurt you - just maybe your pride a bit!  Take a deep breath and surrender to God and get real with someone!  As a friend and I walked away from a coffee date a few weeks ago we both said we felt re-energized, encouraged and spurred on.  

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.  Hebrews 10:24-25

I doubt that we can do this by talking about the surface things, gossiping about others and answering 'I'm fine'... Pray, grab a friend or someone you want to be friends with, have a cup of coffee and be real.  Be blessed!

Image courtesy of Apolonia / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Safely Tucked in the Middle

When I was in high school I went with a group of friends to one of the haunted houses in downtown Evansville.  The one with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre weirdo chasing all of the screaming teens out of the building with his very real looking blood-dripping chainsaw.  I broke my tailbone while inside.  Yup, sure did, but no - I can not tell you what happened.  No clue.  It took talent I'm sure.  I never was a huge fan of paying money to go into a place that scared the pants off of you, but unfortunately that is what you did in high school in October.  If you've ever had the pleasure to do this too, then you understand that being in the middle of your group is where you want to be.  You don't want to go first and you don't want to go last.  And you certainly don't want to be alone.  Being safely tucked in the middle shelters you from most of the grabbing limbs and the sudden scares.  Eek...I get a jumpy feeling just thinking about it!!  

Open Sores - In More Than One Way

I can not believe how the weather has changed so quickly!  We got sunburned sitting outside on Saturday during Evan's first baseball game.  We had to turn the a/c on and mow the grass.  It's like full fledged summer already!  The grass and trees are so pretty.  We've been working a lot on the landscaping in the backyard.  It is so therapeutic for me to go outside and pull some weeds and get my hands dirty.  Isn't that weird?  Of course now I have a huge blister on my hand - that is not so therapeutic. 

We accepted and signed an offer this past week that will allow a buyer to rent from us and then purchase the house within 9 months.  God answered our prayers, but once again it was not in our time frame and it was not the answer in the neat perfect little gift wrapped package that we expected!  When He answered our prayers after praying for years for a different job/promotion for Jeff - it wasn't exactly what we had planned to move to NC - but it was still an answer to prayer!!  And one that has been good for us!

Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.  

We did not like the idea of renting, but this is the best of both worlds for us and the buyer.  Financially we will be good - rent covering our mortgage.  And the contract that was signed is for the purchase of the home...so it is a binding contract.  While we wish it was all done and over with and we were not going to own two homes for the next 9 months, God has provided for us and He has given us peace about this decision as each little detail about this deal has worked in our favor.  Halleluiah!

Some of you know that I have had some problems lately.  I had to have an ultrasound today and they found what I 'knew' (you know when something isn't right) - two cysts on my left ovary.  One is actually 2 inches big and fluid filled.  The other is smaller, but might be the endometrioma that I had problems with 8 years ago when I was trying to get pregnant with Evan.  The doctor wants to wait 8 weeks and do another ultrasound and see what happens.  Sometimes they go away - sometimes they burst (which apparently doesn't hurt much??) - sometimes they get bigger and cause problems.  The doctor will talk to me at that time what I need to do.  So, just waiting to see.

We are excited what God is going to do through our 'new' small group.  The Life Group we joined in January had about 13-14 couples and their children in it.  Needless to say it was a little overwhelming walking in to that and not knowing anyone.  Well, the time came Sunday that the groups had to 'birth' and become two.  It is neat that all of the couples Jeff and I felt we had connected with are ones that will be in our group.  The leaders of the group are the ones that originally invited us to come and Evan and their son are on the same baseball team this season.  Pastor Rob talked about community yesterday at church - he even asked how many people didn't have family here in Charlotte - almost everyone raised their hand.  Our church family will be our family here.  It is important for us to be part of a healthy community here. Unfortunately I have already been reminded what is not healthy for us.  It grieves me to think how I am starting over completely and having to trust people who I don't know very well and are sure to let me down (because ALL humans will let us down - they are incapable of meeting my needs - only He can do that!). At this point I am going to focus on my relationship with God and His complete acceptance and love for me.  I have been very humbly reminded of my fear to be alone - to not be needed or included.  I hurt - like an open wound.  But, I admit it - that I have a need for significance - like every single one of us - and now I am going to let my Father love on me for awhile.  Very thankful for our Life Group and my Bible Study Group - no, we don't know anyone in these groups that well yet - but we know their hearts and their similar-mindedness - thankful and prayerful for what is to come with our 'family' here.  Resting in His loving arms.