Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Stop Searching for More, Amy!

 It is weird that almost anything that I'm asked to do or be a part of or anything I hear anyone else talking about being a part of I have a desire to join and do here.  I think it's just that longing/desire to be rooted here...to belong.  But yet I am overwhelmed with the responsibilities I already have!!  Why do I feel the need to do more?? Repeat after me!  Just say 'no' - it's ok...I'm not going to miss out on opportunities to meet people.  God is supplying the opportunities where I am at- where I am involved...  I don't have to go searching for them and chasing them down. 
So - last Wednesday I went to Coffee Buddies - a group that meets just socially from our church at a local coffee house. It was a fun time and some great conversation.  We also had a very fun potluck Sunday with our LifeGroup - the large group - everyone before we split.  It was a fun, fun time!  Bible study was fun Monday morning - I really feel close to these ladies already! Monday morning I also got to meet with the women's ministry leader and another women's LifeGroup leader - Stephanie.  Stephanie emailed afterwards and asked if I'd like to have lunch sometime.  And as I am writing I am realizing that I am involved in enough ways that I can stop searching for more in order to find a few more friends.  The opportunities are right in front of me.  They are all around.  I'm plugged in.  I am a part of things.  I just need to spend some time now (meaning I won't have it RIGHT NOW) and nurture what is developing.  Pastor Rob is preaching on the book of Ecclesiastes right now.  Solomon tried to get happiness every imaginable way...he searched for and got everything earthly he could imagine...yet he concluded that it was all vanity...all meaningless.  In the end he says, "fear God and keep His commandments." (Eccl 12:13)  It's that simple...nothing on this earth placed on the throne of my heart is going to make me happy.  Only God can.  Stop searching for more, Amy. 
Ready to leave for camp!
Sunday night after Emily had a great time at Girl Scout camp and we had a busy weekend, we decided to have a family night at home and get in bed early to prepare for another busy week.  Well, Jeff had a run in with an axe while splitting some wood for his fire pit.  His left thumb didn't make out so well.  We all got in the car and went to the urgent care then on to the ER for some stitches.  It's our first trip to the ER as a family - can you believe that?  Well, it took FOREVER since he wasn't dying - which I am thankful for!  LOL.  Cafeteria there was closed already, of course.  I did contact my friend Jennifer (her and her husband are our couples LifeGroup leaders - and both doctors) on the way to ask where to go.  I couldn't get a hold of her, but she called later and really wanted to come get our kids, but the doctor had finally come in, so it wasn't really necessary.  I also had a sweet neighbor, Jade, offer to drive up and come get the kids.  I did think several times how spoiled we had been all those years where we just call our parents up and have instant help.  It is hard in a new place to think - crap, where is the nearest hospital??  who can watch the kids??  We ended up home with a stitch and a peeled off nail and bandages - could have been so much worse, so very grateful.  Ate at 9, home by 9:30 and kids to bed going on 10.  And after talking about it afterwards, so many others say please call if anything ever comes up again.  We are already blessed and cared for.
But for some reason I am sad.  I'm so worn out, so stressed out.  I am having increased pain now and debating whether to hang on until May 15th for my next ultrasound of the cyst on my ovary or call in about it.  The reason to wait the two months was to see if it went away.  Well, I know it hasn't. I'm a little concerned with whether surgery is going to be the answer.  Between this and being busy I've got a lot on my mind and feel like I'm chasing my tail day after day. (Making jokes about Solomon a lot - 'this is all meaningless!' - maybe I should be saying that not joking!!)  I've also felt a little ill prepared for the parenting talks that have come up lately. I'm sure you never are prepared - or don't feel like you are.  I just desire with all my heart for Emily to not take some of the same paths that I did...  I remember some of her feelings all too well...and I don't want her to have them.  I want her to have her confidence in the Lord.  I need to be on my knees for her more as she is entering into this time of her life.  On another note - she has asked to be baptized!  Most likely will be toward the end of the summer at a service.  
So, I feel more positive after writing.  Ready to get going with the day and tackle it - being thankful for what I do have, allowing Him to lead me, praying for guidance, and placing Him on the throne of my heart where He belongs.

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