My Story - A New Creation!

My Senior Picture

Practice makes perfect!  Well, maybe not...but it does help.  God wants me to practice telling my story evidently.  In the past two weeks I've shared my story three times.  Each time I'm becoming more passionate about telling it...and better.  It has taken me years to be able to articulate it sensibly -- and also for me to even make sense of the why's and how's.

I grew up knowing that God existed and created the earth and there was a heaven.  That's where my knowledge ended and the lies began.  Lies of who I was.  As I made my way through junior high and high school, I was rejected repeatedly by friends and enemies.  I was bullied and picked on by boys and girls a like.  I was told that I was going to get my butt kicked more than once - never knowing what the reasons were.  I was a good girl, a pretty girl, and a talented girl - which most likely added fuel to the fire.  I was also painfully shy.  I was scared to talk to the popular kids for fear of more rejection.  Every time I was called a name or something was said about me, I put it on like a piece of clothing.  Soon I had layers and layers and layers on me.  I allowed those comments to define me.  I did have some sweet friends and a loving family - so life wasn't awful by any means, but those comments are what I allowed myself to focus on.

As a 15 year old girl who more than anything wanted to be accepted, I was thrilled to begin dating a boy a year older than I.  The following four years I believed him as he told me I was not thin enough, not in shape enough, not smart enough, and not pretty enough.  He never actually hit me, but it hurt like it sometimes.  He said no one else would ever have me.  I believed him.  I wanted to marry him...I begged him to marry me.

I was always searching for something to make the pain less/to fill that gaping hole inside of me.  Whether it be 'love' from others, succeeding in whatever I was doing, or doing whatever everyone else was doing in order to just fit in and be accepted.  I was miserable a lot and wanted to die more than a few times.  I had developed a fear of rejection and a pretty ugly addiction to approval.

My boyfriend of four years left me with no self-confidence, damaged, and used, God sent me a friend to help me through the pain.  Jeff loved me and accepted me in a way I had not experienced yet.  Before long we were in love and starting our premarital counseling at his church.  During that time a question was asked:

If you died today, would you go to heaven?      Yes    No   Maybe

Well, I believed in God, but was that enough?  I was a pretty nice person.  I really didn't know the answer, so I circled maybe.  Over the next few days I was introduced to Jesus - who was a substitute for the sins I had committed - past and future.  I gave my life to Him, asked Him for forgiveness, knowing I needed a Savior - someone to direct my path.

A New Creation

The past 16 years or so of having Jesus in my life, He has shown me who I really am.  He has opened my eyes to the lies I believed as truth.  I was blessed to have a mentor counsel me through a lot of the hard parts of it!  It has been a process, but one that I am so thankful for!  Every single area of my life was affected by the lies I believed.  I am not worthless.  I am not damaged and used.  I am not what those kids said I was.  He says I am precious to Him and loved.(Isaiah 43:4)  I am significant.  He created me for a purpose. (Ephesians 2:10)  He wanted me.  I have a new life in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17) and He has forgiven me of my sins.  I no longer have to search for something to fill that hole inside of me to make me feel better.  He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of me and fill that space. (Acts 2:38)  When I feel down - He is always there - He will never leave me.  (Deut. 31:8)  I am completely accepted by Him through Jesus - so I never have to worry when I am rejected by others.  I have confidence through Christ. (2 Corinthians 3:4-6)

This is just a bit of what God says about me.  You know what?  He says it about you, too!  Check out this list of truth - it's one that I love reading over and instilling in myself and my kids whenever I get a chance.  Who I Am In Christ.  <---Click on it.

As I was tucking Emily into bed last week, she asked me if I had ever been bullied when I was her age.  I shared my entire story with her.  I also was able to tell her that what those kids at school say about her is not who she is.  She is defined by her Maker and He says wonderful things about who she is.  I was so in awe of God's timing.  I had to prepare and share 'my story' to a group of ladies at church for a leadership group.  Just a few days later I had the opportunity to share with Emily and pray for those who are treating her meanly.  Then I shared again during a women's Bible study last week how I had developed a fear of rejection and how God helped me overcome it.  He is giving me some opportunities to practice.  "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have."  (1 Peter 3:15)  He asked me to prepare and He will guide me in the rest.

No matter what junk is in your past, God can use it to grow you and shape you and to help others.  He can turn the pain into joy and the tears into laughter.  "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." (Psalm 30:5).  I've seen it first hand and I want you to experience it too!  You can be created anew, too!



I encourage you to check out this video on youtube that a sweet sister in Christ sent after I shared in my Bible study last week:  Video about God's Love

Let Me Be Singing When The Evening Comes!

Movin' right along - last week of January already.  It's proving to be a colder winter in North Carolina than it was last year.  We've all been immersed in our 'stuff.'  Life.  Although it is slower than it could be!  The kids not participating in any winter sports has left us with more evenings at home and free weekends.  We've discovered Duck Dynasty as a family and found some good board games.  I've taken lots of long hot bubble baths to stay warm while Charlotte has seen two Winter Weather Advisories!  Jeff's stayed warm making chili for two different chili cook-off contest.  We saw a Charlotte Bobcats game thanks to a coworker handing Jeff some tickets.  Evan had his Young Author's Day at school.  We've done some crafts and painted the man cave.  Jeff and Evan took in Monster Jam and Emily and I went to a Girl Scout Bingo night.  It's been a nice, slow January enjoying my favorite people.

I'm not sure if my eyes are just more open to seeing how God blesses us over and over or if we are just being so much more blessed lately.  Most likely the former.  

After spending six months actively looking for and applying for per diem nursing jobs and getting nowhere after the interviews, Jeff and I were kind of at a loss.  We continued to cry out to God wondering what He was doing - we need the extra money, I was taking steps to get jobs, and He was closing doors.  In late December someone I am friends with on facebook, but had only spoken to once at church, posted that she needed someone to clean her house occasionally and needed suggestions of who to use.  I quickly sent her a message telling her how I cleaned for my grandpa regularly and a few friends occasionally in Indiana and I'd love to do her house.  After discussing the details, I got off of the phone completely elated, completely praising God for the opportunity.  That, in turn made me start wondering - is this something that I could pursue and fit perfect into my schedule with the kids, Lord?  I sent an email to all of the friends I've made here.  I posted on the church women's page.  Within a day I had another couple from church who wanted me to come and clean every week!  Still looking for a few more.

I really do think that if I could work full-time I would be able to get one of the nursing jobs here - they would feel more comfortable re-training me.  Right now though...God has closed the door...for this season.  Yes, I think I might be a little sad about that.  But I'm even more thrilled about the opportunity which God provided at just the right time, one that helps us financially, and fits into my schedule perfectly.  

In July 2011 (no, that's not a typo!) we put our house up for sale in Indiana. Since that time, it's been for sale, leased-to-own ending in a broken contract, for sale again, and then a few months back some friends contacted us wanting to rent our home from us while their new home is being built.  It was perfect timing.  We would be able to take the house off the market for awhile during the market slump and the winter months.  We'd have our mortgage covered through spring!  I can not even tell you how much of a blessing it is that Scott and Lori have been in our house!  Did we want it to sell?  Yes.  We still do.  But...God provided just what we needed - and I'm positive He will continue to.

Our house will be going back up for sale on February 1st...with our friends wanting very much to make the house look perfect to show for us while they are there.  We will be able to have it for sale AND have our mortgage covered for a few months!  God has used this thorn in our side - the selling of our home - as a way to grow us in our faith.  We have had to throw up our hands and let Him have it, trusting Him in His timing, His plan, and His provision.

I can't believe we've lived here for a year and a half.  What a journey it's been.  I am excited to have joined a women's Bible study group and also a leadership group with 9 other women who I already know God has great things planned for.  Jeff is getting ready to start up with a men's group and we still do our couple's group too.  Jeff is considering HOA involvement, while I'm tossing around some more PTO involvement for next year.  I am thankful for what He is providing in these areas - connection and growth.  

I hope that months from now I can still say I'm thankful for what God is doing.  No matter what He does - what the circumstances are - we can still have joy.  We can still praise Him.  He works everything together for our good.  I am thankful for seeing where He is working and being able to point it out and claim it!  Part of the song,  10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord, O my soul) by Matt Redman, says "The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning; It's time to sing Your song again; Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me; Let me be singing when the evening comes!"

My prayer for the coming months of house drama - Whatever may pass...let me be singing when the evening comes, Lord!

Phone A Friend

Over Christmas a friend from the kid's school PTO contacted me with some neat news.  She and her family are moving to Evansville, Indiana!  She asked if we could meet for lunch and I could answer her questions and give her the low-down on everything Evansville.  I was so excited to do so!  It was going to be fun to tell her all about something I loved and something that I felt like I could educate her on - almost like I was an expert on the topic!

My kids love to be experts on topics - like every topic.  Maybe it is something we're born with.  It's fun to 'know' stuff!  And people do need experts!  I can't help but think about the Evansville mid-day news segment, "Ask The Expert" - various local people are interviewed and take phone calls about their area of expertise. 

I've been reading this month about how to share my faith.  The best approach is probably not to be a know-it-all or come across as an expert!  Maybe it should be more like 'Phone a Friend' instead of 'Ask The Expert'?  It does seem somewhat similar to my lunch date though.  I had knowledge that my friend did not have.  She needed this information and reached out to someone she knew and was comfortable with.  I felt passionate about the topic and was confident that I knew enough to educate her on it.  Everyone has a topic that he is passionate about and can talk at great lengths on.  Have you ever gotten yourself in a conversation though and you realize you are in over your head - you don't know enough to talk about it with someone.  You get nervous and either say stuff that may or may not be true so to appear as if you do know or you say nothing at all. 

When it comes to sharing my faith...I feel like I can write my thoughts clearly, but when it comes to a conversation...well, not so much.  I am nervous that I will say it wrong or not be able to explain the simplicity of the complex nature of a relationship with Jesus.  And in these sad times, what if I bring it up to someone who is completely against acknowledging a Creator exists and will ridicule those who do believe - calling me a bigot, close-minded fool?  So, how do I become as comfortable, confident, and excited in sharing about Jesus as I can about my old stomping grounds?  And ditch my fears of being called dumb names?

Learning and studying about Him!  Talking to Him and listening for Him!  The more time we spend with Him through prayer, worship, and Bible study, church services, and in relationship with other Christians - the more we will know about Him. This creates confidence when talking about who He is.  And it's relatively easy to talk about how He has impacted your own life - you are an expert on your own life!  Before I knew Jesus I was _________.  Then I accepted Jesus as my Savior and payment for all my sins.  He has done _____________ in my life!  And now I am _____________.  I am going to be sharing a brief story following this format in a leadership class at church next week.  As I've been looking over my life, it is hard to just tell one story though!  I have SO many stories to use about how God has worked in my life - and how He still is.

It just so happens that part of my 'story' is about how God has transformed me into a more confident (confidence through who HE says I am) person who does not become crippled by how others view me and what they want to say about me.  But, I still struggle every now and then!!  So, as I pray for opportunities to share Jesus to others - I will pray for reminders of how He has freed me from that fear.  I will pray for confidence and power to flow through me and for Him to give me words.  I will pray for strength to live the way He wants me to so to be a good example and not be viewed as 'just another Christian hypocrite.'

But what I really need to pray about is that He would give me 'excitement' - that I would be bubbling over, eager to share all I know about Him to others.  Those who don't know, need to know!  They are missing out on information that is life-changing!  Just like how I can tell anyone moving to Evansville what they 'need' in order to start a new life in that town - I also have valuable information for people who need Jesus and want to start his new life with Him.  Lord, I pray that I would be excited to share my 'expertise' to those in need.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.(Matthew 5:14-16)

Level Complete, Keep Playing!

A few video games have been played in our house this Christmas vacation.  I can hear the kids playing now - or at least the bickering anyway.  Jeff has been trying to complete one over the break, too - even having to listen to some tutorials online about how to get through certain parts.

I'm about the furthest thing from a 'gamer,' but here are a few things I've observed about video games:

• The games are challenging.  If Mario could take a leisurely stroll right up to the Princess without jumping over barrels or worrying about Donkey Kong, what would the point be?  If you could see the end and walk right to it with no bumps along the way - it would probably be considered a pretty lame game.  Would you improve your 'gaming' skills at all?

• Some games are easier if you have someone else to partner up with to help you through, give you hints or cheats, or work together to complete something. (As I hear Emily instructing Evan what to do as they try again.)

• Most games have complex levels/worlds/tasks to complete within the big game.  Once you have completed one, you go on to the next and you don't go back to the one before.

• There is an end, a prize, to all of them.  Whether it is a fun little song or your character dancing around, there is a sense of accomplishment when you have completed all the tasks, mastered all of the side-stories, and defeated all the enemies.

Looking back over this past year, we can probably identify several tasks and side-stories we had to complete and enemies we had to fend off.  We've been given second chances, or new lives, or forgiveness over and over. Other players have come along side us to help us through a hard spot so we didn't get hit in the knees by a rolling barrel or fall off the road into the dark.  We've helped other players, too, realizing that we are all playing together on the same team and for the same attainable prize. We've stumbled, we have fallen, we've made bad decisions, we have done the opposite of what we are supposed to do - and can't explain why.  We have learned something new each time we tried which will make it easier the next time. We have consulted the Writer of the game to see what He suggested we do - and feel privileged that the Creator of the game cares about how we play it.  It's best played if we don't look back to completed tasks, knowing that we can not change what has already been played and it will only distract us from our current performance.  Occasionally we've looked up and have seen the goal and it became downright overwhelming and we wondered if we will ever get there.  We've wondered if we should even continue!  Putting one foot in front of the other, picking up coin after coin monotonously became tiring at times.  Trying to figure out what the next step was has been painful.  We have been reminded that, as chosen players, we have a unique advantage - some 'cheats/help' which are already inside of us - in the form of our Helper.  As we've pressed through in level 2012, we have made improvements in ourselves, our abilities, our wisdom, and our skills. We have gotten one step closer to the prize and more like the One who wrote the game.  Our prize isn't just flashing lights and fun music - although I'm sure there will be a Light and music like none other!  Our prize is the ultimate Prize. And to hear the Writer say, "well played!" will be amazing!

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  Philippians 1:6

Merry Christmas from the Kissel Family!

Dear Family and Friends,

It's been a fun year of 'getting our feet under us' in our new area, grieving the loss of old, and enjoying the excitement of new!  We are happy to say that God has been blessing us richly with good friends and feelings of being 'at home' in North Carolina!  We may not have everything we want or desire, but He provides for what we need!  Here is the 2012 Kissel Family update - which we just know that you’ve been waiting for!

We have enjoyed our new church home - we've gotten involved and have met a lot of awesome people.  We’ve been so excited to host many of our ‘old’ friends and our family in our home this year - so many fun memories have been made!  We’d love to have you stay with us if you are out this way!  We've explored a bit around this area and hope to do more in the coming year.  

The whole family is growing in faith and patience, as we still own our Indiana home.  Amy has been actively applying for jobs since the summer with no offers.  Even though things haven’t panned out exactly as we thought they would here - we are still undoubtedly here for a reason that God has not revealed to us yet.  We’re thankful that He has given us peace about being here, when everything else is an unknown to us it seems.  We are enduring.  God is a rock to lean on in times of trouble.  He has helped us through.  Try Him  out if you haven't! ;)

Emily has played more seasons of soccer and enjoys her junior girl scout troop.  She enjoyed a weekend retreat for kids from her Sunday school recently and was baptized on December 2nd!  Emily's sweet and adventurous spirit and pretty smile is going to knock some boys off of their feet.  Fifth grade is upon us and she will soon be going to middle school.  We don't know where time has gone as she approaches her eleventh birthday.

Evan has continued to play baseball and enjoys playing with his legos and his friends.  Always active!  He is a good student in the second grade and always has a smile, a joke, a laugh, a hug, a compliment, or a fart for you!

Jeff spends a bit of time driving to and from work, but has done a great job with his team and still enjoys his job - most days.  He is co-leading our LifeGroup and got to assistant coach Em’s soccer team this year.  Flies his IU flag on his truck proudly and has some stellar Hoosier pride in this Tarheel State!  Still cooking, baking, smoking, grilling, and trying new beers! 

Amy does mom and wife and friend stuff mostly- which is exactly what she loves to do!  She has continued to blog about her thoughts and experiences since we moved - www.evansvillekissels.blogspot.com Still passionate about connecting women together to other women in order that all feel the love of Jesus - you are not alone!  Whether that is through lunches, or groups, or get-togethers, or school functions, or ministries - she loves it!  

We truly hope that your family is well - in all ways!
Have a blessed and Holy Christmas!
Jeff, Amy, Emily, and Evan

Never Say Never

I have spent over a year pouring out my heart about my spiritual journey as we have made the transition to a new life in North Carolina.  For many years now I have enjoyed writing and sharing small devotions and encouraging others.  I've made a few changes to my blog and I hope to reach more people.  I invite you to 'follow' my blog, subscribe to updates, leave comments/questions, and share it with your friends.  I am human...I am imperfect - I promise to humbly share my heart and what God is doing in me - you in turn, won't feel alone and can say, 'I'm glad I'm not the only one!'

What are You Doing God?

Relief mixed with fear, embarrassment, and pain as I read the email last week.  The job that I had applied for and interviewed for with five different people - the one that I was qualified for and had experience in - was not going to be mine.  As I continued with my quiet day at home, I took a few moments before I told anyone and asked Him, "What are you doing God?"