Thursday, September 22, 2011

Boasting About My Weaknesses

It was July 6th in the afternoon and I was sitting at a desk outside a patient's room.  I was finishing up an evaluation on a patient to come for rehab services and my phone buzzed.  A text from Jeff.  One that made my heart drop to the ground with excitement, yet total and complete terror.  He had received a call out of the blue from a VP at the North Carolina office, complimenting him on his performance at work, telling him about a job opening in NC, and asking Jeff what it would take to get him out there for that job. We had been praying for just this!!!! - BUT always assuming it would be in Evansville because that was our plan.  “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. (Isaiah 55:8)  God had been preparing me for this.  For the past year I had been unsettled in my spirit - not unhappy or depressed - just unsettled.  5 years ago I simply would have said no.  One year ago I would have, but I would have been completely incapacitated by my thoughts and emotions.  Even 6 months ago I wasn't fully prepared - He was still changing me.  I am not saying I am fully prepared now, but I am in the place where I need to be so that I can allow God to give me His strength.

This week in Bible study Priscilla told us on the video that He gives us our desires.  He can change our desires.  And Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the LORD; and He will give you [or even change] the desires of your heart."   Please Lord, change my desires to be making a joyful home and life in North Carolina until You want us elsewhere!  My desire was NOT to leave all that was familiar and comfortable to me.  It was not to go somewhere foreign - somewhere that was not in my life vision/plan.  I had been praying for His will to be done in our lives for years though.  And if I was going to pray for His will, then when His will was presented, what do I do with that?  Now that Jeff and I have obeyed, I hope that we can obey further and have good attitudes about our decision - the last thing I want to do is become depressed and a martyr....poor me, look what He has done to us.  No, "Look at me!  He asked us to go and we did!  Look what He is doing for us and in us!  Just look at what His plan was!"  This is from Him - Satan would never want us to be in a place in our lives where all we want to do is cling to the Lord - where I have to tap into His strength daily!  The second verse of Jonah starts with two words to Jonah from God.  "Arise, go..."  When God calls, I want to be bold enough to follow Him.  In my weakness I can see clearly that He is strong.  And right now, I see that He is who I have to depend on.

As I was saying, even a year ago I would not have been able to do this.  I tend to depend on others to build me up, to give me strength, to make me happy, to give me joy, to give me definition and purpose.  He is the only One who can do this right now...and I am ok with that right now only by His power.  Why am I writing this?  I am missing my friends.  I am missing being a part of the activities that I defined myself by - ones that gave me a small sense of security because I was surrounded by my family, friends, and sisters.  It is hard to see life go on at home - I knew it would continue on.  And it should.  I knew it would be hard.  He is being so gracious to me though because it is not crippling me like it would have in the past.  He has prepared me to handle this with His strength.  There is simply no other explanation as to how I am doing this - I'm not, He is.

2 Corinthians 12:9  Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

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