Monday, September 5, 2011

Rainy Afternoon Tears

It is raining and I am crying.  I have cried more in the past few weeks than I have all year...I just don't do it much.

So, I think that weekends are going to be the hardest for us for awhile.  The routine of the week - even the driving - gives us purpose and direction.  When the weekend arrives, we have no real responsibilities, no plans, no energy, no desire to drive anywhere...which leads to me laying around, thinking about home, family, and friends and becoming sad.  Am I depressed?  I hope not.  I hope I am just mourning.  I was feeling rather abandoned by God today - which means I am the one that left - because His Word says He will never leave me or abandon me.  I know better than to not be spending tons of time with Him right now.  There is an enemy who would so love to destroy me with this change.  So, on goes some klove (this song was on:  "Lift Me Up" by The Afters ) and "devotions on major life changes" was my google search.  Here are some of the tidbits I took from these that I need to remember.

A great acronym:

During this change each minute has a gift from God/a blessing for me if I choose to see it.  Will I look for/expect them?  Will I see this change as an opportunity to grow closer to Him as I see Him intimately involved in my life in every moment, or will I choose to feel as though He is not there?

Another devotion entitled, Crossing Rivers, was fantastic.  Click on the words to read it.  I have always loved devotions about our "path" and how God guides us on our path and what happens when we lose our way, etc.  In fact, a few years ago I started collecting verses and hope to one day write something up about our path in life according to His Word.  Anyway, this devotion was so pertinent to my path and this change.  It does feel like I am walking right into a rushing river right now.  I feel like if my focus falters I can be swept under so easily right now.  It is unfamiliar, it is hard, it is exhausting just standing here, it feels like I am not going to make it to the other side.  All around me people are rushing around, in their familiar, busy, and comfortable lives as I stand here hoping to not go under.  I am already in so far that I can't turn around.  We are committed.  Jeff has a job, God is blessing us, Tony and Sue are blessing us, the kids are enrolled in school, they have started building our house.  We are in this.  I have to keep going - staying in the middle of the river is not an option.  I can try to flounder and use up my strength, I can call out to those on the shore I left and ask for help but their replies are distant (although they do lift me up some).  If I call out to Him and rely on Him to carry me I can do this.  This is of Him.  I did pray about entering this river and did follow His lead.  This was NOT my doing, nor my decision to walk into this crazy river!  Like His children of Israel, He will get me to the other side.  He may not part the waters completely for me though.  It may be extremely challenging, but I need to let Him carry me to the other side.

The other part of this devotion talks about making sure you have a firm foundation built on Him so that you can make it through the downpours that come unexpectantly.  So, it hit me how our builder for our new home has told us no less than 3 times how our house is going to be built on solid and firm ground.  When we walked around on our lot the day we purchased, we noticed some really cool rocks.  We asked the builder if they could scoop those over to the side for us to use in our landscaping later.  He agreed.  The pile has gotten quite taller than me!  When I drove by last week and saw them digging the footers I pulled over, rolled down the window, and took some pictures.  I even heard the metal of the shovel scraping the rock as they tried to dig.  Yes, I don't believe this house is going to go anywhere.  It will be built on firm foundation.  This was something the builder was excited to tell us and I was excited to pass on to my dad - because it is a good thing!  You don't want to exactly pass on to others, 'Guess what?  They are building our house on a swampy, low area, with some sand in it!'  Well, I am glad our house isn't going to sink, but I want to be prepared in life too - when the downpours come (which they will) I want to say 'Yes, I don't believe this girl is going anywhere...He is my foundation and He is true and sure and will not sink, nor will I!!' 

"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:  And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it." (Matthew 7:24-27)

Help me Lord, to see you in every moment blessing me during this change.  Help me to make You my foundation daily. Help me to rise above my circumstances and allow you to carry me through this river to the other side!


  1. Amy,
    You're going to look back on this blog someday and be in awe of the wisdom that is coming from this experience. I know you feel overwhelmed and troubled right now, but still God's love is shining through you. In fact, it might be a little brighter than usual right for some of us who are around you. You are precious, you really are. I loved reading your blog entries and think you are a very gifted writer. Peace be with you today. Karen

  2. Karen,
    Thank you so much girl...I am enjoying writing this so is giving me an outlet for my thoughts and forcing me to see Him more. I really do hope that it is blessing others too! :)
    Love you!